Profile review

[Fixee]

My divorce took 1.5 years. I decided not to date until it was final... but only because (1) divorce is like having another job, and I wasn't emotionally ready and (2) I didn't want to have to explain in my profile that I'm still married.

 

I think it's a decent profile... kinda "manly" but some women respond to that.

[abitbroken]

I am not looking for long term right away. I am looking for a friendship that may possibly grow into something.

 

Then join meetup groups to make friends with hopefully making a connection that will lead to more after a strong friendship. Most people on dating sites are not looking to form friendships. They say "friends first" to say they are not jumping in bed on the first date or to have an out if they don't think you are hot - but they are really looking for a bf/gf/wife/husband or fling. Then be upfront you are looking to casually date.

[Batya33]

OP asked for feedback on his profile, not whether he's ready to date.

 

Then he did not have to respond to those types of suggestions but he chose to.

[Lostinlove31]

I spot sure everyone's honest feedback. I did realize someone would say wait. I personally feel like I am ready to move on.

[abitbroken]

I spot sure everyone's honest feedback. I did realize someone would say wait. I personally feel like I am ready to move on.

 

How is your daughter doing? And do you honestly have a divorce timeline. Do you have a court date when everything will be final? If you can't tell a woman that, you shouldn't date. That is why i am saying to wait. If you do not have a date and it is just sort of a meandering process, it is not fair to women who might date you. You will meet women who are commitment phobes and are attracted to unavailable men who will ditch you after the divorce. Or you will be a therapist to a woman who is seperated and "wants someone to go through it with her" who might not be right for you. Do you have custody set in stone? Is all that figured out?

 

We are speaking on our own experiences. There is a difference between just wanted to get on with things and put it behind you and being fully ready to date. The final court date CAN be emotional - i will just tell you that. Maybe not in court, but after sometimes at home.

 

The one last thing I am going to say for now - is if you put up your seperated profile, a number of women won't bother with it because you are married. If you put up a profile when you are divorced, there will be still women who don't want to date a dad or a divorced man, but there will be a lot of women who would now that you are not married. If you have your profile up for a long time, with status changing it starts to look shopworn...i ask "hey there is that guy again, I already looked at him and he was married...or why has he been on this site so long? Is he a jerk and women aren't touching him?" You want to show yourself at your strongest and best. The most activity you might get is when your profile is new. That's all I am saying.

[Lostinlove31]

My court date is in August. I understand as well. It's a hard pitch. I am thinking about just forgetting about it all together and just wait. I did try a relationship that started long distance and could of ended up good once she moved back but she past me up for an ex boyfriend who is also going through a divorce.

 

I did a lot of crying and all of that in the earlier months. I tried to get us to stay together but after a while I just accepted it and I moved on. I figure some people would be ok with it and understandable but you may be right. It may not be the case at all. I am going to take my profile and hide it... I guess...

[bulletproof]

But weren't you just in another intense relationship? How long have you actually been single, really and truly single?

I think it sounds a little like you just don't want to be alone.

 

Regarding the profile, I would lose the line about not being sorry if someone doesn't like those qualities. It's negative and to me would imply that someone in your past didn't like those qualities, and it was an issue. You almost sound angry about it.

 

To all online daters: please, please resist the urge to tell people what you don't want, what you're not looking for, etc. It's a huge turn-off, in my opinion.

[Lostinlove31]

I was single for a year and 4 months before the last intense relationship. I think I am just going to let it all go like i said. I do hate being alone.

 

Seems there is too much negative impact towards a man who is separated...

[Lostinlove31]

My daughter is struggling with the divorce. She is only 4 years old but I make our time count.

[bulletproof]

My daughter is struggling with the divorce. She is only 4 years old but I make our time count.

 

Then the last thing you need to do is prepare to bring another woman into her life, or put your energy toward anyone else beyond your daughter right now.

If you admit that you hate being alone, it's time to face that and work on it. Otherwise, chances are that all that dating profile will get you is the same relationship you just had, or one like you're marriage.

[abitbroken]

You need to really focus on your daughter 100%, get her into counseling, do everything you can, with the advice of a counselor to reassure her that you are not abandoning her - set a routine with her in stone before you start dating or bringing a woman into your life. You have lots of opportunities to date later on - but getting your daughter to a point of health and security is more important.

 

I was single for a year and 4 months before the last intense relationship. I think I am just going to let it all go like i said. I do hate being alone.

 

Seems there is too much negative impact towards a man who is separated...

 

I am not going to mince words...you are technically still married.

 

I understand that and I appreciate that you don't like being alone. It was hard being seperated because you miss the little things like having someone to share things with, etc. Even though my marriage was abusive and there is no way i would have him back - it was hard at night not having someone there to be home when you got there, etc. (there were good times in the relationship too). I found that after my ex left, i went through a lot, but when my divorce was nearing final and then final, I found out a lot about myself. I became stronger - i went to counseling and worked through a lot of things, etc. and was definitely not the same person i was when I married, by that time.

 

I am glad that I didn't just date the first person that came by. I will say that i didn't wait years after my divorce to date. I met my boyfriend after i divorced, but I do think we would be farther along if I had taken more time after my divorce to be by myself even longer.

 

But why not finish something before you start something? If you grab the first person because you hate being alone, you are going to just date someone to fill the void . There are conversations by many women here who dated a seperated or freshly divorced man and it is a big rollercoaster. Why not just let the rollercoaster slow down a little before you actively pursue anyone - get comfortable with being alone, join some leagues if you play sports, figure out what is the best schedule for your daughter, etc, make new friends - so that you have a complete life and then add a woman to share it with you, rather than using her to feel the hole you feel. Also, you are less likely to date someone who is exactly like your ex that way.

[Lostinlove31]

I give my daughter I believe my best. It's a little harder... A lot going on for custody that is going to be wrapped up in May.

 

I hate being alone. I hate the fact I feel like I everything right. Went to school, got a degree, got a good job, met a woman, got married and had a child. I felt like i did everything right. Marriage wasn't perfect but it had its up and downs.

 

I am in counseling and all. I joined some groups for some activities. I have a lot to work on I know if I am going to be able to dating.

[Batya33]

When I was single I wasn't alone -I had friends, acquaintances, colleagues, co-volunteers, family, etc. You're not alone just because you are not in an romantic relationship.