I need advice

[a444]

I kind of feel ridiculous that I had to resort to using this site, but I am desperate. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 and a half years. Yes, a long time. No we are not married, and we are not engaged. We are both 25 and have lived together for not quite a year yet. I am at a point in my life where I just don't know anymore. I love him, but I don't know if I am IN LOVE with him. I don't see us being happily married, and I don't seem him being that great of a parent. I feel awful saying that about someone I have given my whole heart too, but I am so confused.

Let me start out explaining that when we first started dating, it was so great! We had so much in common it was almost scary. We would finish each others sentences, yes, we were that annoying couple... We could stay up all night just laughing. As the years went on, we had our differences and arguments, as most couples do, but it's never been this bad.

My boyfriend is the most selfish, stubborn person you will ever meet. AND he has an identical twin, so there are TWO of them. He has a great job and makes around 70k a year. In our entire 7 and a half years, not ONCE has he taken me anywhere out of town, or on vacation. Any time we do, I pay for it, with my little part time job. (I am in full time school, so don't have the time to work much right now) or my parents help pay for it. He may pay for some food for us though...

So I tried to live with the fact that he is a saver and doesn't want to spend money. My boyfriend is also very addicted to video games. Not enough to affect his job, but when he comes home, if he isn't at the gym, he is in his chair playing games. The only time we will do anything together, I plan it, initiate it, ask for it, etc. He doesn't clean up after himself. He doesn't stick to his word when he says he will. I will be pouring my heart out to him crying, telling him how I feel about everything, and he will so rudely slouch in his chair, roll his eyes, take deep breaths, and play on his phone. Just an hour ago he told me "Shut up, your annoying." sounds like someone who really cares huh? He is super negative and hardly ever wants to go anywhere because its "sounds lame" or "those people are lame." I still go though, because I'm not going to stop my life for him.

Now, it's not ALWAYS bad. There is some fun and good times sometimes. Looking at us, you would probably never guess it.

but, I am 25 and should be thinking about settling down soon. Especially with someone I have been with for seven and a half years. But I can't help but think we would not be happy together. He only cares about himself, and only himself.

I am too fearful of change to break up, or move out. So I keep putting up with being taken advantage of with the hopes that he will grow up one day. Or I keep waiting for that perfect moment to get the courage up and leave.

What would you do? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? or get the courage to leave?

Giving up on someone you are(were) in love with is SO hard. Your not just leaving them, but you are leaving behind their family, and the good memories that you do have....

[Doofus]

Have you told him all this? If not, do so. Despite what you say, it sounds to me like you still love him, but don't feel appreciated or that he loves you. You should be very clear what you want from him. If he loves you he will change. If not, then you can leave knowing that this relationship couldn't be salvaged. That will help alleviate any ambivalence you feel.

[May251988]

How to post and share problems in forum?

I really need help.. After break up we get back together, but I felt that I force him to stay with me. What should I do to make our relation better? Right now we r still in crisis, lack of communication. He asked me to understand his condition in work. And don't demand too much attention from him. I really want to be a good girl for him. Give him support and never complain anything, he not text me m okay.. I won't complaint him. I just want our relation back to normal. Plz give me advise what to do and what not to do

[Hollyj]

How to post and share problems in forum?

I really need help.. After break up we get back together, but I felt that I force him to stay with me. What should I do to make our relation better? Right now we r still in crisis, lack of communication. He asked me to understand his condition in work. And don't demand too much attention from him. I really want to be a good girl for him. Give him support and never complain anything, he not text me m okay.. I won't complaint him. I just want our relation back to normal. Plz give me advise what to do and what not to do

 

 

You go to forum page, and hit post new thread. You need to start your own.

[Hollyj]

It sounds as if you have gone to him many times with this issue, and he doesn't care. He is behavior also sounds quite disrespectful. This sounds lonely, too.

 

What are you going to do, stick with this guy forever because you're scared of moving on. That doesn't make sense.

 

Many young relationships end, as people grow and change. it is your decision, if you want to waste the rest of your life with someone who only thinks about them self.

 

Put you big girl pants on, and move on to someone who wants a mutual relationship. He will not change. You can start new memories with someone who is a better fit.

[Ronniesgirl]

My lord. Why on earth are you staying in this situation?

 

Apart from the fact that your bf sounds like a nasty piece of work who doesn't give a flying f about you and doesn't deserve having you in his life..what jumped out at me in your post was this:

 

' I am 25 and should be thinking about settling down soon'.

 

Haaaaaa, no way. You surely cannot be serious. 25 is the time to think about settling down? This man's the only one you've ever been with, right? You cannot do this to yourself. 25 is the time to LIVE, DO, FEEL, EXPLORE, EXPERIENCE. You are so young. You've got your entire life ahead of you. You've obviously outgrown your first 'kiddie love' bf - (and he sounds like a total ar*****). You need to loose the fear of leaving the familiar ground and instead aim for MORE, BETTER, DIFFERENT. You have no reason whatsoever to be stuck with him. What's stopping you? What are you scared of? Why do you feel that he is all there is to life? He isn't! 25 is NOT the age to settle down but to start to truly live life.

 

From someone who's 44 and had to get herself chained to someone at the age of 25 because it was either that or die (long story, won't go into it) - do not get stuck there. Get out and live your life. You've only got one, and you won't be 25 again.

[Missmiss]

I have been in the exact same situation and trust me, it's not as hard as you think. Sure, you will miss him but taking that step and breaking up will give you a big relief. I get that change is scary and it seems easier to stay but you have given all the reasons why it will never work out at a long run. Why waste anymore time and tears then? And in fact it isn't easier to stay because it's only a delay on the break up if you know it won't work out. Maybe he will grow up some day but you can't control that. You can't make him see he needs to change, he has to want it himself. So please don't stick around because of a beautiful memory and the potential he has of being a great man.

 

He isn't one at the moment and you're not doing yourself any favours by staying. Good luck!

[catfeeder]

You've formed a sad habit of living 'around' this guy. I'd move out and start a whole new life. If you need help to do this, I'd hire a therapist and work on your fears. They've led you to squelch your whole youth--and we never get any wasted time back to live over again.

 

Head high.

[May251988]

Oh my gosh.. M having tears. This forum really has quick respond. I've joined others forum and no feedback for almost a week.

 

I don't know what's going on. He deny to share what's in his mind. He wearing no smile everytime we did video calls. I really want to see he happy and smile.

 

He's possessive taurean guy. He doesn't like if I chat with others male friends. So I isolate myself from any social media. And yes I felt lonely on his companion. No one to talk, I live alone here after moved out from my previous place.

 

Me and my BF in LDR, we met once for 1st time and our trips was horrible. We oredy booked all hotels and airlines to traveled, but I forgot my visa so I can't enter his country, we met at other country, and been struck at there coz one airlines crash and blocked the only one airport. I invite him to meet again in this coming July, this time at my country and I assure him this trip will be great. I was thought maybe after we meet again, our relationship will getting better. I'll make him happy and pampering him with so much affection and love. I wish..

 

So that's why I holding on until that time come. Everyday I'll try to cheers him, text him.. But sometime I don't have any idea what to talk..

 

He work 15hours a day. Earlier we chat during his office hours, nowadays he rarely chat and when I text him, he replied but very short chat we did.

 

2days ago everything almost back to normal until I sent text to my ex BF by mistakenly I sent to him. He got veryyyyyy angry, he reject all my calls. Finally after he pick my call, I explained everything that I never cheat him. My Ex know about our relationship and Plz trust me. I asked him forgiveness and delete all my Ex contact. He said he forgive me and not hate me, but the way he talk to me.. Oh gosh.. M so scared of him.

 

I have no reason to break this relation, m willing to do anything to make this better for us. Don't worry about me guys, I can bear anything, m okay with all condition, his happiness is my priority. But if he not happy with me, this will be a problem. He said I'll not lied to U, if oneday I feel not happy with U I'll tell, but till now I don't feel that I'm not happy with U.

 

I tried to think positive that he really stress coz of work only, not coz of he loose his feeling for me. What I want need from U guys.. Plz give me strength and little advise.. What conversation I sud bring between us to make his mood better? And what sud I avoid to?

 

Thanks for all Urs replied. I really really need someone to talk and share.

[Capricorn3]

May251988: You need to start your own thread as it gets too confusing and no-one can tell which reply belongs to the OP's questions, and which replies are for your questions. Please start your own thread. Thanks.