jimthzz Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Why is it that those who insist cheating wasn't about the sex always are having sex? My ex-wife liked to act as if she hardly ever wanted sex. In reality? Every chance she could with the jerk she cheated with--to the point where she neglected her job, the kids, me (obvious on that last one). But she could roll out a specious argument that while she wasn't in love with the guy and they never went anywhere but his apartment to have sex, that it wasn't the sex. Never could figure that one out. Glad she is an ex! Link to comment
RZJ Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Perhaps it was more about the emotional connection experienced, or the rush of something new and mischievous as opposed to the actual physical act of copulation... Link to comment
relevart Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Cheaters often try to make it sound less bad than it really is. Some will say it WAS just about the sex, as if that is somehow better. (Of course, sometimes I think that would be better to hear.) Others say, "but it didn't mean anything." To me, having sex that didn't mean anything is worse than the other option. Pretty much, anything a cheater says to defend or define their actions will come off sounding much worse than the alternative. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It was about the sex, but it was more about the rush and excitment of the sex. The newness, it was different, it was exciting because it was "naughty". In short, she wasn't having sex with you because that was predictable and routine to her. However, don't use this as a personal attack on you, or a defeat in your ability to be exciting. She's unlikely to last long-term with the person she was cheating with, and she'll probably do it again when the next person becomes boring. As with many cliche's, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" has a lot of underlying truth to it. It's possible she'll be an angel with the next person, but I wouldn't count on it. This will be painful to you for some time to come, but you will slowly come to the realization that it wasn't you, it was her, and you ultimately want someone in your life that you don't have to look over your shoulder while your back is turned. That brighter day is ahead of you, but right now you'll need to weather your personal storm until your mind is finally ready to let go. Remain NC if you want to get there as soon as you can. Any contact will only set your mind a few steps back. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thanks, I agree that my future is much brighter having dumped her. And yes, she will never be satisfied with the man in front of her. But she does not ever want anyone to think she isn't anything other than Mrs. Susy Creamcheese. It upset her carefully hidden life so much that she couldn't face friends or family and ran off a thousand miles away to reinvent herself as some kind of energy healer. The only contact I have with her is the way too large support check I have to write to her every month. I am confident of my abilities in the sack and have proven that. I'm just not the strange she requires even as it ultimately doesn't satisfy her. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It's amazing how many excuses a cheater can come up with in order to justify their actions. The one thing you can be sure of is you'll never get the truth and as time goes by, you'll understand that it really doesn't matter. Be kind to yourself... Link to comment
sky09 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I am confident of my abilities in the sack and have proven that. I'm just not the strange she requires even as it ultimately doesn't satisfy her. Just like everything else in life, even a good thing becomes old and worn out. Good thing you're not insecure in your abilities Link to comment
BMP2CPM Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 OP, see answers below in bold: Link to comment
Lito Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 OP, see answers below in bold jeez the crap one can find on here... Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I would be SO upset if that was used as a minimizer for cheating. I might, MIGHT be able to get over it if there was only a physical component. A one time f__k up. Once there's emotions involved as well, you've been completely replaced. Link to comment
Iggles Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 jeez the crap one can find on here... Agreed! I found his generalizations about women in that response offensive. Newsflash, the OP's ex-wife did not cheat because "all the womenz are evil".. No, that particular woman was a cheater because she has zero integrity and was selfish. Link to comment
Anonymousone10 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Could of been an exit affair Mine cheated possibly desperate to secure a new relationship so as not to be alone after the breakup..she never confessed till I discovered the cheating a couple months after breakup..when things didn't work out with cheater after our break she tried 2 others, one time she spent 6 straight hours dialling one number every 10mins with no answer she was that desperate ,when they didn't work out she accepted the offer of a friend of ours whom a year later she is still with.. 4 men in 4 weeks since our break with only one of those being the one she cheated with during our relationship that I'm aware of.. When I asked why she cheated rather than just bust up she got angry and said she didn't know..and that was that..never got an apology or an explanation let alone empathy.. Link to comment
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