Need help asap

[prettycutie]

I can't handle it much longer. I don't know how much longer I can go on living and feeling like this. I'm so scared I'll be forever alone literally. Guys have rarely shown interest in me let alone ask me to date much. They rarely have ever flirt with me. I'm in my mid-20s and basically I'm worried for my future. At this rate I honesrly don't see any potential in finding anyone "special" in my life. And once I do date, they never last long and disappear. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Or do I just attract the wrong type of guys?

 

I know people tell me to get myself out there and do things to meet new people but as someone as shy as me it's quite difficult to do that. I don't even have any close friends anymore to go to and I feel miserable. I just cut off one of my last close friendships a few days ago so that didn't go over well. Every day I'm faced with seeing happy couples and I compare myself to them (I know i shouldn't) but I do and it makes everything worse. I am going to see a therapist but idk what they could do. I know they can give me advice but at this point idk if it'll help the constant breakdowns and crying. I've never felt so alone in my life, let alone be in this type of situation. I really am scared because almost everyone I know is married or engaged and here I am still single. Will I be like this when I'm 35? Every day is a struggle for me and I am trying to get myself out there but it's difficult.

 

For once I'd just like something that makes me happy to stay in my life, but I guess that's too much to ask for. Sorry if this sounds depressing but I just want advice from anyone who's felt this. Especially after a break up, it's this gaping reoccurring hole that won't leave. I wish I could go back and apologize to everyone and everything I've messed up in my life but I can't. I'd never do anything to hurt anyone but the pain these people I've known that have caused for myself has been painful. I feel nothing at this point could make me happy. Well nothing that I could easily get.

[IAmFCA]

First off, let the past go. Accept it, learn from it when you reflect, and keep your eyes focused on this moment and the next one. That's it, live in this moment.

2. You're not perfect. Who cares? Neither is anyone else.

3. What you see in others tells you nothing except for how they present themselves. Personal example: my exH and I were known as the best couple in our neighborhood. Nobody knew we'd basically never had a proper functioning marriage. It didn't show outwardly. When we see each others there is so much we don't know. Maybe they are cheating on each other, maybe they just filed bankruptcy, hot a cancer diagnosis. There is no way to compare anyone to anyone else.

4. Growth requires effort. "I know I shouldn't but I do." Force yourself to learn a new thought pattern. When you see others who are happy and seem successful, be happy for them. Let them remind you that happiness exists.

5. I am glad you are getting therapy soon. Be prepared to work at change. If you want different results, you MUST change the imgredients.

6. You attract who you are. So, if you want a happy person who feels good about themselves, then you must find a way to be that person too. Work on that first. The relationship part of your life will solve itself when you are ready.

[Capricorn3]

After following all your threads about the same thing, my bet would be that you suffer from depression and it would be a really good idea for you to look into professional counseling/therapy. Whatever is going on, it seems you can't get yourself out of it on your own, hence therapy would be a really good idea, imo.

[prettycutie]

It's just a lot of things that I can't handle anymore so I am going to get therapy within the next week or two.

[Capricorn3]

It's just a lot of things that I can't handle anymore so I am going to get therapy within the next week or two.

Good girl. When things come to a head where you can't handle it anymore, then you know you need professional help. I'm assuming you have an appointment set up? If not, then do so a.s.a.p.

[cbh1979]

I have felt this way before, and I know how much it sucks. I'm also shy and introverted, so getting out there isn't as easy as it sounds. But, the bottom line is you have to change your thought process, because right now you're caught in a vicious cycle of negativity. To start with, you will meet other people. You will have other dates. You're still young, and there is NO reason to believe you won't. And that is coming from someone who thought the exact same thing once upon a time. You're not alone out there

[prettycutie]

Good girl. When things come to a head where you can't handle it anymore, then you know you need professional help. I'm assuming you have an appointment set up? If not, then do so a.s.a.p.

I'm going to get one asap. It's getting to the point where I need professional help. Maybe hearing it from a therapist will help me more alone with this forum. You guys really have helped even though at times I want to give up..

[prettycutie]

I can feel myself getting worse every day so I think it's time I get professional help before something worse happens

[IAmFCA]

I can feel myself getting worse every day so I think it's time I get professional help before something worse happens

 

Do you know the name and number of who you will call for therapy?

[prettycutie]

Do you know the name and number of who you will call for therapy?

I have a couple places with good therapists who look like they can help me with my current issues.

[IAmFCA]

I have a couple places with good therapists who look like they can help me with my current issues.

 

Put the phone numbers out on the counter, maybe, to encourage yourself to call?

[prettycutie]

Put the phone numbers out on the counter, maybe, to encourage yourself to call?

That would work...it's time I make the calls because I'm just not getting better. And I don't want to make myself sick or do something worse. It's weird too. One day I'll be fine and the next I'm miserable

[IAmFCA]

That would work...it's time I make the calls because I'm just not getting better. And I don't want to make myself sick or do something worse. It's weird too. One day I'll be fine and the next I'm miserable

 

Getting a therapist is something people do even when they feel fine. You don't need to justify it. Just do it, even if you feel better on that day.

[IAmFCA]

Did you put the phone numbers out ad a reminder and a decision to call on Monday?

[catfeeder]

Getting a therapist is something people do even when they feel fine. You don't need to justify it. Just do it, even if you feel better on that day.

 

I agree with this along with IThinkICan's first post. The time to establish a working relationship with a therapist is NOT by waiting until your pit is too deep to be ~able~ to do this.

 

I'd consider that you may be having natural growing pains, and you're ahead of the game in terms of calendar years because many people don't suffer through this stuff until their 30s or 40s. Either that's the time they're 'ready' to head into the 'dark night of the soul,' or their skills in delay tactics have been strong enough to put it off until later.

 

I call this 'natural' because most of us who've lived long enough have lived through the fear and anxiety you're going through with regard to coupling up and finding love. It appears to be an external search for someone else to come along and fill a void--but it's actually something you'll need to hunker down and fill in your Self first.

 

Nobody wants to hear that. First of all, what does it mean, and second, where's the step-by-step manual that can tell me how to do it?

 

When you're on a frenetic hunt for someone to love you, even while you feel doomed because you feel unlovable, that's an unresolvable conundrum. It's also the perfect way to cause panic. The good news is, it's also a false problem. That sounds dismissive, but it's not--because the real problem is learning the ability to view what's false about it.

 

The not so good news is: you're not able to see your way through this clearly while in a panic. It's like being the person on fire who can't remember to stop, drop and roll.

 

So stop, drop, and roll yourself into a therapist's office. Do whatever you can to stop mindspinning yourself into a panic. Allow the therapist to assess whether you may be battling depression--which is not in itself a state of sadness, but rather is a chemical imbalance in the brain and the body that impacts your ability to function optimally and may or may not require chemical treatment to rebalance.

 

If so, the depression may need to be treated as an issue that's separate from the fears and anxiety--people tend to lump anxiety and depression together as the same condition, but they are not. They're distinct. So treating depression does not in itself resolve the anxiety--but trying to address anxiety while in a depressed state is an uphill battle.

 

This is why you should stop flirting with the 'idea' of therapy and just do it.

 

Head high, and we're here for you.