modesty/shy guy vs. arrogant bad boy

[ShySoul]

DV,

 

The frustrating part is that I am in the process of getting a relationship, thus proving that I've known what I was doing all along and that I had figured everything out from the thought. And yet, still I get told that I'm wrong and that relationships don't work like this. I've done virtually the opposite of what I've been told is right and I'm closer than I've even been to a relationship. A year ago all these points would have had more validity, but my experiences right now are only serving to back up what I'm saying. This is one ameteur who has the genius to back himself up, and now that the opportunity has presented itself, I'm proving it.

 

Saying "of course I do" isn't meaningless if it clearly comes from the heart. It isn't what you are saying that makes it meaningful, its how you say it. Look in her eyes, take her hands or hold her cheek, then say it. Something like that won't be taken for granted. Hmm, you may just end up with a nice kiss as well. Yes, chemistry needs to exist, but you don't have to play a game of give and take to have that chemistry. It will be there from the connection, love, passion, and friendship you share. If you really love each other, the relationship won't be dull because each day will be a new adventure together. Love should be about both parties wanting to give the best of themselves to the other, not giving a thought to what they take. When both sides see that, then you have love. If your thinking about what you are going to take from it, you haven't opened yourself fully to what love is all about.

[ShySoul]

Beec,

 

I still don't think that you need that down to go higher. What takes you higher is that love that justs gets sweeter, getting better all the time. It's what takes you to the top of the world and makes you soar. You don't need to go down, you keep climbing up.

 

No one seems to answer my questions. If you can get the benfits of the whole absense theory while still talking to the person as much as possible, why should I change anything? Despite talking everynight, she still misses me and thinks of me in the day, and I feel the same for her. Talking as much as we have only intensifies our feelings. There is nothing wrong with that. If anything we want to spend more time together. If things are going that well, why change? Why mess with what's working?

 

Ah, the tao. Simple concepts made to sound confusing and impressive. Now, I'm not going to resist this. Instead I tend to incorporate things like this. I can take the same passages you gave and show how I am doing the exact same thing, maybe even more than you. That's the key to a good debater, being able to use others peoples points to prove your own.

 

Without the high there is no low.

 

I get the whole idea of opposites giving each other meaning, that high is a pointless concept without its counterpoint low. But where does it say that I should add to her feeling of low? Other people and the world in general will present her with lows. If I care about her, I should be the one to present the highs, as high as I can make them. Holding back just throws an unnecssary low that can easily be avoided and substituted with a high. The same idea can apply to the ideas of ugly/beautiful, difficult/easy, etc. Life will present plenty of ugly and difficult times, a realtionship should be there to provide the beautiful and easy.

 

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

 

Sounds like everything I've been saying. In waiting for the right one to enter my life, not searching for it or trying to meet women, I acted without doing anything. And its paying off for me right now. On the other hand, everyone else has suggested going out, dating around, playing the field. That is acting, and if I remember what I learned about the dao, its all about nonaction. I've said several times that if this works thats great, if not then thats fine, it wasn't meant to be. Sounds like letting things arise and come as well as if it disappears, letting it go. I've had her affection but I didn't try to push anything, letting her take her time and decide her feelings for the other guy. That's the not being possessive part. On the other hand, everyone who said I should make her choose by letting her now I could forget her and go to some other girl, that's showing far more signs of being possessive. I acted in telling how I felt, but didn't expect her to automatically feel that way about me and choose me.

 

Thanks for proving my point Beec.

[yahoo2]

ShySoul, once again you're guessing. You still have no idea if any of your convictions will work. How about ending this thread, then restarting another one if your theories work out and you get this girl in a relationship that lasts?

 

Then you can speak from experience, and you will convince someone. You're not doing so well right now.

[DropToZero]

I just posted this again to remind, b/c now everyone seems to be noticing that since you've never been thru a relationship, that all your ideas are just 'guesses' and theories. Most everyone here has actually been thru one or more....but you still don't listen.

[Jecto]

You act like no one like ShySoul has been through a relationship, while I for one have been through one, and I have been the nice guy through and through, and that, in fact is how I got involved with my current gf.

 

Despite having been the same way, ShySoul's words strike home, and I know that most, if not all of what he says is true, so stop trying to act like some player, just because you've dated a lot since you dropped the "nice guy thing". If you haven't noticed, most nice guys aren't interested in dating a lot of girls, but in finding that right one, and never having to look anymore. That's how I was, and being a "nice guy" landed me the love of my life.

[Ddog187]

ShySoul is right and Jecto is right to. The nice guy thing does work if you just believe in your self and do it the right way. The bad boy thing works for some people to. All I am saying is different people have different ways and looks of dating. Some girls go for the bad boy, party animal thing and some guys go for the bad girl, party animal thing to. And the other way to. Some girls go for the nice guy thing for who is going to treat them right and have a good overall relationship. And some guys look for the good girls who don't party and are really beautiful and just nice and caring. Theirs different ways people look for that certain person. So don't be mad at someone who is looking for that right girl. You might have gone out with tons of girls since you switched to the bad boy thing. But how many girls have actually stayed with you? Theirs difference views on everything. I am a nice guy and the nice guy thing works for me, I got this one girl who is totally in love with me because I am nice and we get along great. But like I said different people date different ways. Not everyone is going to just go for that one way.

[discordant_verse]

Shysoul,

 

 

 

ditto what Ddog187 said.

 

Regards

DV

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah I agree with Ddog but about the whole "of course I do" and the vague look thing. I think the vague look then say you do would be better it gives the girl more anticipation, girls love this kind of anticipation so that's a good thing and your telling her you love her so thats a 2 for 1! But anyway, everyone has their own thoughts and methods about this....whatever works for you fine, I think if you believe you should be nice to women, you will get women who want to be treated nice and will be a match, If you believe something else you will find yourself getting women that aren't for the nice guy thing. I just think it's all about who we decide to go out with because we find the opposite sex that are similar to us attractive, and thus if the girl is nice and your nice that's a good match. You guys get what I'm saying?

[ShySoul]

I've never denied that what everyone else has said will get dates, most likely more than I'll ever get. I'm saying that its not needed and that in the end, what I'm saying is what builds a successful, long lasting relationship.

 

Despite the fact that I've never had a relationship myself, I know what they entail. I know the good, I know the bad, and I know the ugly. What I'm saying is not guessing, its everything that I've seen work. I've seen more failed relationships then I care to think about, and half the time I'm the one that people come to talk things over with. I've noticed the same mistakes over and over and they include many of the things you guys have been mentioning. On the other hand, the ones that work include what I'm saying. I've had plenty of people come to me for help on realtionships, on this site and in real life. Several of them have later thanked me and told me what I said worked. So I must know at least a little bit about relationships and dating since my "theories" seem to be working in practice. And as I've said, my "theories" are now working for me.

 

MetallicAguy, you know whats better than a vague look, a CERTAIN look. Would you rather someone look unsure about how they feel about you or give you a look that melts your heart and then say they like you? You still get 2 for 1 and the look is much more special.

 

If you want me to I'll post again once we are in an official relationship. That way you'll have to admit that my theories are proven and successful. Problem I see is that even then you'll probably still say otherwise. There have already been those that say even if I get a relationship that it won't last because she'll meet someone with better "game." So at what point would you be willing to accept what I say. When we go on an offical date? When we kiss? Reach official boyfriend/girlfriend status? Six month anniversary? One year? Marriage? Fifty year anniversary?

 

Final thought: Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.

 

You guys are basing your thoughts on what you've seen. thereforeeee you believe that is how it has to be and that it can't be any other way. But I believe in a real, romantic love free from the give and take, free from the games. That enables me to see possibilites you've closed yourself off to. I recognize the way things are, but aim to change them for the better, even if its just for me and one other person, the one I'm with. Our perception helps shape our reality.

[spatzcolumbo]

That enables me to see possibilites you've closed yourself off to

 

You have closed yourself off to just as many possibilities.

[yahoo2]

"You guys are basing your thoughts on what you've seen"

 

Yes, we are. That's how theories become facts-when they are proven in actual experience. You are forgetting something that was mentioned before, which is I had some of the same "theories" as you did before I started dating. For some reason, you think your "theories" are original thinking. They are not, and are what nearly every inexperienced guy believes before he starts dating. Reality (what we've seen) has a way of changing things.

 

"Despite the fact that I've never had a relationship myself, I know what they entail"

 

Right. The perspective and guesses of a third person outsider is the same as the experiences of someone who is actually in the relationship? Right. You're the only one that really believes this. Why? You've never been IN a relationship, and you keep insisting that NOT being in a relationship is just the same as being in a relationship. It is not, because you haven't had the intimacy part at all, and that absense means your know very, very little. Intimacy is not observed, it is experienced.

 

I must say that your reasoning is some of the most irrational, undefendable logic I've ever seen. You are stubborn, and not at all experienced enough in dating to be able to prove ANY of what you say.

 

To answer the relationship question with this women, I would suggest that if your methods are successful, she would get with you IMMEDIATELY. She will not make you wait one more minute, because, in your belief, you have done everything correctly to win her. She will melt immediately, and you will have everything you want.

 

You have stated that you want an exclusive relationship, because she is "the one for you." If you do not get together with her right away, if she is still seeing or starts seeing other men and is not exclusive to you, you have lost. If she does not acknowledge the endless effort and persistence you've put into your pursuit by failing to reciprocate the same level of feelings for you, you have lost.

 

You will also lose if this relationship is brief. I'll throw down the gauntlet here, and define exact terms.

1) You must be exclusive, because nothing else will satisfy you, and if she still continues to date around, it implies you're not satisfying her.

2) You must have repeated intimate contact, every time she sees you. Touching, holding hands, kissing

3) It must last, because you have missed out on dating many other women while waiting for this one. thereforeeee, to replace the possibility that you have lost many opportunities while waiting for this one girl, the longevity of the relationship must affirm that this denial was worth it. At least several months, if not half a year or more. Let's say at least six, exclusively dating YOU and no one else.

4) She must respond to you throughout this exactly as you want. That is, returning calls right away, going out with you most of the times you ask (80-90% of the time), elevating the intimacy rather than playing games of any kind.

 

Here's where the rubber hits the road. Start another thread and show us how it's going. This is not so much to ask to get you to document the success of your theories, is it?

 

It is time for this thread to die, and many years past the time for you to replace your guessing with actual experience. Get on with your life and do something substantive with women.

[Ddog187]

yahoo above ^^^ may I ask who you are talking to? Are you taking to shysoul or someone else?

[ShySoul]

spatz, great minds think alike. I knew someone would say that before I ever wrote that sentence and I half expected it to be you. When you think about it, isn't every choice closing off possiblites, closing one door and opening others? That's what I've done and what you have done. I've made a choice to hold to romantic notions and prove that they aren't just fantasies that only come true in fairy tales. And when you believe in fairy tales, anything is possible. Far more doors open up then are closed to you, and the ones that do close are the paths most likely to lead me where I don't want to go.

 

yahoo, for someone with irrational, undefendable logic, I have always been complimented on my logical skill. Hey, one of my favorite hobbies is doing logic problems and games. I especially enjoy lateral thinking puzzles which force you to think outside the box and not just except the common train of thought that most people have.

 

For some reason, you think your "theories" are original thinking. They are not, and are what nearly every inexperienced guy believes before he starts dating. Reality (what we've seen) has a way of changing things.

 

Which is the frustrating part, that people have the right idea all along but loss sight of it. What's that saying, "everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten." What did they teach? Be polite and respectful, share your toys, be nice to others, talk out your problems, be honest, etc. Too many people allow reality to change them when it should be the other way around. We have the power to change our realities. Really, you all talk about having game, yet you don't even see that the game is playing you. You've become so convinced that this is how it has to be that you refuse to acknowledge it could be any other way. On the other hand, I don't play by the rules, I change them. I don't adapt to others, if anything they adapt to me though I think its best if they don't do that either.

 

You're the only one that really believes this.

 

Um, no. A handful of people have supported me in this post so I'm not alone. And again thanks DV, ddog, and jecto. I also got a pm from a female on this site who said that I'm a special person who will find that special person and that with my beliefs the girls should be "knocking my door down." Another person who was on this site and who I still talk to agrees with what I've said and told me that I'm on the right track The people I have mentioned this topic to outside the site have all agreed with me, including those in long successful relationships. These people range from 21 to 60, so there's a wide range of ages covered. Amazing how someone with no experience can have all these experienced people agreeing with him, impressed by how insightful my views are.

 

Sometimes what doesn't happen is just as important and can teach us just as much as what does happen. A lack of intimacy can be just as revealing as having intimacy.

 

Relationships aren't something that happen "immediately," it happens when the time is right. Had it not been for the other guy we probably would be together right now, that delayed things. But which of us is still around? Another guy asked if she had a boyfriend, she said she was talking to someone letting him know she was interested in someone else, me. She isn't seeing any other guy other than as friends. She's acknowledged my efforts and claims that I am perfect for her. There are a few minor details to deal with other than that she's actually been the one initiating most of the contact and showing interest in me.

 

She's the one who cleared a day weeks in advance to spend with me. She's the one who called a couple of nights ago even when shes on a vacation because she was thinking of me and didn't want to miss talking to me for a night. She's the one suggesting a trip together this summer. She told me she liked me first! What else do you need to hear to know that she is not only reciprocating my feelings, but is really the instigator.

 

I'll say that I haven't missed any opportunites, none of the girls I've been around has remotely attracted me to the point of considering a date. The reason this should last has nothing to do with "lost opportunites." The longevity is about the two of us having something special. And even if it doesn't work out I'm satisfied with a lifelong friendship. All I want is what is best for her, whether it is with me or someone else. But otherwise gauntlet accepted.

 

Time for everything I've ever believed to be proven correct. Time for experience to show that dreams come true and that what others think is impossible is possible. It's time. And I had to get in the last word. It's an ego thing.

[spatzcolumbo]

Shysoul,

 

spatz, great minds think alike. I knew someone would say that before I ever wrote that sentence and I half expected it to be you. When you think about it, isn't every choice closing off possiblites, closing one door and opening others? That's what I've done and what you have done. I've made a choice to hold to romantic notions and prove that they aren't just fantasies that only come true in fairy tales. And when you believe in fairy tales, anything is possible. Far more doors open up then are closed to you, and the ones that do close are the paths most likely to lead me where I don't want to go.

 

You say i have all these paths closed off, but for me, this is not the truth. I actually still have all these things open to me - because i am the perfect gentleman / nice guy at all the right times, but also have the other side of being a bit cheeky when i want to be.

 

I have the romantic side, but i'm not gonna just be romantic for anyone (just the same as you). I will be romantic for the right person.

 

Here is the difference - i have my own 'game' of the edginess, cheekiness, and teasing. But i also have your 'game' (i know you don't see it as a game, but humour me for a few minutes ) of being the nice guy, perfect gentleman...only i do it only when it is appropriate in my eyes.

 

So in actual fact, i am not closing myself off to any of your opportunities.

 

Obviously you are correct when you say that all choices we make naturally close off some options. However, i feel that on this subject, i am more open minded than you. I know it probably doesn't seem this way to you, but to me, it is clear!

[ShySoul]

spatz,

 

I don't have game because I am the game. I could do everything you do as well, and I'm willing to bet I could do it better than any of you. I mean, it's the shy, quite one's you have to watch out for, right? But I'm going with something that opens up more possibilites. It's hard to explain unless you see it for yourself, but the wonders that my path opens up leads to far more than you've considered. You know I think your a good guy at heart, just misguided in a few things so its a difference of opinion.

 

Hey, I've got edge. It's so much edge that I'm on the cutting edge of revolutionizing how the world looks at dating. The things I say are just as fun and edgy as yours, she's said so herself. It's just edgy in a different way.

 

And I do have that edge and arrogance you've been, hence the reason I'm getting in the last word. Ego man, totally confidence in myself.

[spatzcolumbo]

Hahaha,

 

Shysoul!! Your posts either make me mad, make me think, or just make me laugh!!

 

I swear to god that sometimes you are several different people all posting under the same name!!

 

I could do everything you do as well, and I'm willing to bet I could do it better than any of you. I mean, it's the shy, quite one's you have to watch out for, right?

 

Quality comment - just the fact you say that shows that you are not so unlike me after all!!

 

I know its not a 'game' (again, humour me)...but i got your game goin on if i want to, and i guess maybe you got my game going on if you wanted to draw on it!!

 

Hey, I've got edge. It's so much edge that I'm on the cutting edge of revolutionizing how the world looks at dating.

 

If you DO revolutionize the dating world, i sure as hell i hope i am there to see it. Just for the stories ...."hell yeah i remember standing up and fighting the revolution"

 

SOmehow i doubt that will happen tho!!

 

I've come to the conclusion that you have your own thing going on, and i hvae my own thing going on. As does everyone else. What is best isn't a set thing.

 

And I do have that edge and arrogance you've been, hence the reason I'm getting in the last word. Ego man, totally confidence in myself.

 

I'd love to go out to a bar with you, cos i actually think that if you did decide to do the teasing and seduction thing, you might not be too bad at it!!

 

But i could be wrong!!

 

---edit----

 

just re-read this post and it sounds like i am being sarcastic, but i'm not - i actually do laugh at your comments sometimes, but only in a good way!!

 

One minute you're saying there is no such thing as the game, then the next minute you ARE the game!! Hehehe.

[ShySoul]

See spatz, I've got it all. Not to brag (or I'm I? ), but I get this stuff far more than everyone makes out. The trick isn't to have game, its to become the game. To be yourself and challenge everything. That's how change happens, when someone stands up and say "but what if I did this?" I don't go by what I see or what everyone else tails me. I blaze new trails and show that I don't have to follow any kind of rules. And when it works then I can turn the tables around and people will be following my rules.

 

Viva la revoluation! I doubt this stuff will catch on anytime soon, but true genius is never recognized in its time. None of my ideas, be it relationships or something else, I expect most people to get today. I've always been more in touch with the past or the future, not whats the in thing today. From liking oldies music to watching science fiction set in the future, I'm a man outside my time. Which is why, my ideas present a challenge to today's accepted views. But then that's needed to remind us where we've been and address where we are going.

 

I'm cheeky and edgy. Have you not paid attention to all my strange, off the wall jokes in this post? I can make fun of myself, I can get a laugh. It's just a humor that few people get.

 

I'd love to go out to a bar with you, cos i actually think that if you did decide to do the teasing and seduction thing, you might not be too bad at it!!

 

I'm a man of many talents. I'd surprise many a person if I went for that kind of thing. Like I said, when you are the game you can pull strings without anyone ever noticing. In fact, how do you know I haven't been pulling your strings? Seriously, I can but then I would feel horrible about myself afterwards. It's not me, it won't work. And if everything that I say does work, to the point where I am being described as "the perfect guy," why change a single thing?

 

Quote the raven, nevermore.

[spatzcolumbo]

See spatz, I've got it all. Not to brag (or I'm I? ), but I get this stuff far more than everyone makes out. The trick isn't to have game, its to become the game. To be yourself and challenge everything. That's how change happens, when someone stands up and say "but what if I did this?" I don't go by what I see or what everyone else tails me. I blaze new trails and show that I don't have to follow any kind of rules. And when it works then I can turn the tables around and people will be following my rules.

 

damn right, its not about having game, its about being the game. Its about being so happy with yourself that it comes accross in every single thing you do. That is being 'the game'. But there are other things as well.

 

You know if we teamed up, i'm sure we'd be magic - you can take the quiet friend, and i'll take the one who likes a bit of banter!!!

[ShySoul]

Its about being so happy with yourself that it comes accross in every single thing you do. That is being 'the game'.

 

It's about being so happy with yourself and confident that you don't give a thought to "game" period. Don't think about, just be it. Like the shoe says, just do it. You don't need game, you don't need teasing, there not what makes something work. You are.

 

I'd take the quite one, but I'm already taken. How quickly people forget .

 

"If you love her tell her so. Don't ask me how I know."

"Don't ask me how I know" Bobby Pinson.

[Shidoshi]

It's about being so happy with yourself and confident that you don't give a thought to "game" period. Don't think about, just be it.

Now this I agree with. However, I haven't reached that point yet. That is my ultimate goal.

[spatzcolumbo]

you don't need teasing, there not what makes something work. You are.

 

But part of who i am is that i love teasing people. I love teasing people in a way that makes them laugh...thats what you always seem to have trouble with - the fact that i am NOT putting on an act or doing anything underhand or nasty!!

 

Are you actually 'taken' though?

 

I mean you're not really dating this girl yet are you? Its just kinda an expression of interest on both parts at the moment.

[aphrodite24]

The "bad boy" image is highly over-rated.

[DropToZero]

hah...aphrodite, this post is far from the main topic now....but I doubt you want to read all....23 pgs...

 

Well its not THAT far, its just become more like a huge debate w/ some changes in opinion here and there. It's not black and white bad guys vs. nice guy.

 

Shy ...read this tho, this is what I have been trying to get accross to you. I have not changed for the worse, etc....but this email example should pretty much show exactly what I have changed. I just hope I don't get into trouble for posting something from an email....I dont think its copying since I give the name and stuff. This is from David D's emails tho...

 

 

 

Does it sound like I'm a 'bad' guy now?

[Beec]

Beec,

 

I still don't think that you need that down to go higher. What takes you higher is that love that justs gets sweeter, getting better all the time. It's what takes you to the top of the world and makes you soar. You don't need to go down, you keep climbing up.

 

No one seems to answer my questions. If you can get the benfits of the whole absense theory while still talking to the person as much as possible, why should I change anything? Despite talking everynight, she still misses me and thinks of me in the day, and I feel the same for her. Talking as much as we have only intensifies our feelings. There is nothing wrong with that. If anything we want to spend more time together. If things are going that well, why change? Why mess with what's working?

 

I don't think I proved your point. But the simple thing of it is you just cannot keep going up in how you feel. We all have up and downs. After knowing someone for a while, some excitement wears off.

 

I would and do not do anything purposeful to bring her down. That may be a thing that works for the bad boy, but the whole that works for the bad boy is excitement. It does in some respects work for the abuser. An addictive abuser is the nicest sweetest person in the world at times, then turns into someone that cannot be pleased. This person can send someone through dramatically highs and lows, emotionally, just as if the other person was on drugs. And the addiction is hard to break.

 

We should want the addiction, but being abusive is NOT being in a good relationship.

 

The way to get that is, imo, not to be abusive or bad, but to just be aloof at times. To in some ways ignore her, let her emotions wane a little, then pump them up. I cannot and do no go very long on this, but it needs to happen a little. Drugs and love both create things in our brain that give us a high. (In the first stages of love, we release a hormone that does this, acutlaly makes us feel high.)

 

If you sat and told your gf every five minutes that you lvoed her, it would get old fast. If you do it every morning at 7:35 a.m., that will also be taken for granted after a while. It's not absense that is always necessary, but you do need to to different things that give them an emotional reaction. The same thing repeated over and over will not have an effect for long. Keep it fresh. My relationships that cranked up fast and stayed up, also all burned out. The ones in which each of us has been more independent and aloof, etc, have fared better.

 

Absense is very good at times, because it lets you and her both show independence, which you should show.

 

Look, my thoughts are only based on some twenty years of my experience and then me looking for more answers. If you want to question the answers, fine. But I would also think about how you will act together in year. Know any couples that last that long? How about two years? Ten years, etc? The ones who last and have good relationships, keep it fresh and retain some independence.

[ShySoul]

In Valen's name. It never ends. You guys are completely misreading me and the my situation.

 

Shidoshi, am I safe in assuming that you really want to believe what I am saying is true? But based upon what you've seen you've kinda lost hope. I get that, I doubt myself and what I say at times to. That's normal. But I'm not going to give up on it because I know in my heart I'm right. If I can prove this works, would that help you out any? I think it could give you the confidence to see that you are fine as you are and don't need the games. Really, I think we are all closer than it seems, all of you just don't give in to these ideas while I realized there wasn't any need to change a thing or buy into popular conceptions about dating, game, etc.

 

spatz, I know that you wouldn't do anything underhanded or nasty. I'm not so sure about most people who do those type of things but I know that your teasing wouldn't be that bad. My point is that you can get the exact same results and have just as much fun without it. So there's no point in doing it.

 

Yes, I am taken. When you really care about someone, try telling your heart otherwise or to like someone else. And without going into detail, I'm pretty much in, just some minor things to work on.

 

aphrodite24, your right. Guys, listen to her. Afterall, her name is based on the Greek god of love. Who better to listen to on this topic?

 

Beec, I'm not totally clueless you know. I know there will be ups and downs, I've spent my life doing that, mostly downs. There wil be problems, yes. But thats where communication is key. That's where saying I love you is the nost needed. If you tried to pull away, it can come off as you not being interested. Try that alot and your risking more problems then its worth. Do you really want to take the chance when you could be going for a sure thing?

 

Considering that my brother had a drug problem and my father an alcohol problem, I know about addiction. Don't tell me it's something we should want. Don't compare love to drugs. Drugs wreck lives, love should save them. With my brother the drugs was ruining his life. It was the love and support from his family that helped him turn things around. The high from drugs is a antificial high that leaves you lower then ever when its down. But the high from love is a real high, it isn't something that should send you down.

 

I get being independent, which is what I've always said about giving a person space. Don't crowd her or be clingy, I've never said that nor have I done it. But you don't need to be aloof. You want to keep things freash? You want to do somthing different that gets an emotional reaction? You don't need to be hesitating when saying you love her. Try coming up with new ways to show your love. Surprise her one night with reservations to her favorite restaurant. Take a hot air baloon ride together. Picnic on the beach. Buy her roses out of the blue just because you care. Make her orgami stars for each day you have been together. Get the idea? Be creative. You still break the repetitiveness and get excitement, while also showing you care about her even more then just simple words can say. That's romance and she'll love you for it. Should I be in a long term relationship I'll kep it fresh through this ideas. It can also show I'm mysterious as she'll never know what sweet romantic idea I will come up with next.

 

LtAwesome, I'll get to your comments later. Need to work on a paper now. May the force be with you.