What do you when a guy broke up with you blames you for everything?

[Caty]

On Thursday I asked the guy I was dating where we stand and he suddenly said that he told me that when I was away (I recently came back) which he never did and after that he kept blaming me for this. I went back to the conversation where he supposedly said that he wanted to see me as friends and he never said anything about that and I showed him and he said that its not his fault and couple of later days later after the conversation he supposedly said that he wanted to see me as friends when I got back, it was valentine's day and he sent me message because I was still away. At the end of the conversation he said that I was a control freak and that he didn't feel like talking. The part that is funny is that last Friday I asked him if everything between us was fine and he said yes, everything is fine.

 

 

He even said that he did so much nice stuff for me but he never got anything back and he said that he has complained about it which he has never done. And the thing that hurts the most is that I never gave up on him even though people told me too, I always defended him when people talked bad about him, I fought for him, I always made sure to wish him good luck on his exams, I opened up for him which I never do with guys, I told him things I usually I feel uncomfortable talking about and I wonder how many girls are going to have patience with his mood swings? I don't think many girls are going to do that, and I did but to him I didn't give him anything in return.

My friends told me that I shouldn't feel that this is on me but its all on him but I can't stop blaming myself. I'm just so confused, and hurt and I also feel so embarrassed.

[Cadence44]

Caty, I'm guessing you didn't get feedback yet because your post is hard to understand. You are vague on background but very specific on details that have no context.

 

It sounds like there were two things going on. First, he may not have been that into you. In that case, being a giving person isn't going to get you the partner that you want, it will get you taken for granted while the person you are dating gets an inflated ego with all the attention you give to them. I see some of that in your post, though obviously I can't speak of his feelings for you.

 

Secondly, if he was into you, the person leaving the relationship doesn't want to make a mistake in doing so, so they always pay attention to your negatives or the negatives about the relationship in order to find the courage to leave. That's literally all they notice once they've approached acceptance that they may end things. So this is why it feels so bad to be on the receiving end, but you just have to look at it as what it is, and know that with time, their negative case against you tends to fade away.

 

So keep away from him, regardless of what was behind his decision and find someone that values you.

[Caty]

I'm sorry if my post is hard to understand, I was upset while writing this and I couldn't think straight.....

 

I'm going to try to make it clearer.

 

So, we were having a great time before I left. We talked almost everyday, we met each other on regularly through out the week. He was kind to me, I have to give him that. He told me to be honest with him and I asked him the same, and I told him if there is something that annoys you or whatever please tell me. He was into me and I was into him but after I didn't tell him that I went to the hospital because I wanted to check if my sprained foot wasn't fractured, the problems started. Before anyone says anything about that, I want to say that the reason I didn't tell him anything was because he was studying and he was having an exam the next day and I didn't count it as a emergency because it was just my foot. He got mad at me for not telling him when I was at the hospital and didn't speak to me for two days. I called him and talked to him and he said that he was mad but not anymore. I asked if everything is fine between us and he said yes everything fine between us. A week later I went away and that's when everything went down hill.

 

The thing that hurts the most is that he claims that I didn't do anything for him. When I read that, I felt like someone had thrown a brick at my chest. I'm just confused because couple of days after the conversation he had supposedly to have said that he wants to see me as a friend, it was Valentine's Day and he sent me a message, and lat Friday I asked him everything is fine between us and he said yeah, everything is more than fine. I'm just clueless right now.

 

I haven't talked to him since Thursday. I have a feeling that he is mad at me because I accused him for using me and that's when he got a bit aggressive in his use of words. I don't understand why he doesn't want to tell me what happened and just say "I don't feel like talking". He told me that he wants to still be friends with me and keep seeing but as a friend. It's not like I'm going to beg and cry to get back with him, seriously, I have a dignity that I want to keep. A part of me wants to send him a message but another part of me wants to ignore him.

 

Honestly, I think its something wrong with me because on Friday my friends started to talk bad about him, I started to defend him and when my friends asked me why I'm defending this guy I felt ashamed that I'm still defending this guy.

[Ms Darcy]

I think part of the reason I am having a hard time following the story is because it seems to jump back and forth - it's not linear. It doesn't provide a basic overview of what happened - how old you both are, how long you dated, where you actually in a relationship etc. If you present things more in a chronological/timeline, people can provide more help.

[mhowe]

Why did you accuse him of using you?

[Caty]

We dated for four months, we are both in early twenties, yes we were in a relationship. As I wrote earlier, everything was fine and that things went down hill after I went to the hospital and when I went away for a bit.

[Caty]

Why did you accuse him of using you?

 

To be honest, I don't know why I did that, maybe because I was furious when he said that I didn't do anything for him and I guess I wanted to hurt him to which doesn't make me better than ham. I know that I shouldn't had done that. It was really immature of me and stupid of me to accusing him for using me when I actually don't have any proof of that.

[mhowe]

I ask a question...that begins with "why did you" and you answer "yes I did".

 

If you talk the way you write...it is clear that you have trouble expressing yourself.mand to accuse someone of something you have no proof of...would clearly lead to him distancing himself and exiting the relationship.

[Caty]

I ask a question...that begins with "why did you" and you answer "yes I did".

 

If you talk the way you write...it is clear that you have trouble expressing yourself.mand to accuse someone of something you have no proof of...would clearly lead to him distancing himself and exiting the relationship.

 

Sorry, I read your comment a bit quickly and didn't edited the comment fast enough. This was at the end of the conversation anyway, so I don't think he would suddenly change his mind about exiting the relationship and he was the one who was blaming me for everything way before I accused him for using me. I don't understand why you are turning it around to make it seem that this was my fault. However, I know that I shouldn't had said it.

 

To be honest, I don't know why I did that, maybe because I was furious when he said that I didn't do anything for him and I guess I wanted to hurt him to which doesn't make me better than ham. I know that I shouldn't had done that. It was really immature of me and stupid of me to accusing him for using me when I actually don't have any proof of that.

 

 

I'm sorry but English isn't my first language.