troubled2 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Update from previous post, "is it my fault" So I finally got him to talk to me about whats been going on with him lately. His emotional detachment, him withdrawing from his family, his obsessive xbox playing and his new violent outbursts. i got an answer last night about why, well I had to pry it out of him actually. I noticed that everytime he talks about the future he says him, me and our 11 month old, he never mentions the new baby thats due in 3 months. Another little boy with his daddys nose. thats when it hit me, he doesnt want the baby. So asked him, okay i said "you work a job you hate to pay for a family that you dont want!" To which he screamed back "dont you think I wish that I wanted it?!" And now its out there. The man I have been planning to marry doesnt want our baby thats growing inside my body, a baby he helped make the baby that was his idea to have. I feel numb, couldn't even sleep in the same bed as him last night. I love him I do, he loves me and our oldest but what about this baby? I can understand his point, when we decided to have another child we were both working and now its just him working 14 hours days 5-6 days a week, he gets up at 3:30am every morning, but it still sucks. I feel like my heart is slowly breaking. Is there a way we can make this work? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Are you planning to go back to work to ease some of the burden and strain on him? I would think that anyone working those kinds of hours would start to feel severely burned out, depressed and overall batty. Especially so if they are doing something they hate. I wouldn't even be too sure that this is necessarily about you and the baby as such or just depression and exhaustion making him feel numb about everything in his life. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well --- I think he is overwhelmed. And with a new baby on the way, there isn't a "way out". You can't work --- his hours/hated job are his immediate future. You will have your hands full with a newborn and a toddler. Is there anyway you can downsize, change things in order to lessen the financial burden? Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I wouldn't worry because they same thing happened to me. People need time to adjust to big changes like that in their life. When my boyfriend and I had a child we both went through phases of feeling overwhelmed. I was always questioning whether I really wanted a baby, and so was he, but when it came down to it, deep down we both did and we worked out all our problems and are now happy parents It's normal to sometimes feel detached from a baby (for guys sometimes) before they are born, because as a girl you're the one who has the baby inside of you, so for you it happens a lot earlier. Guys don't have the baby to feel yet, or see, or talk to...so sometimes it takes a bit longer to have that bond with the baby. Maybe just tell him it's going to be alright and you want to work on things. Just tell him happy things like "I know it's hard now because we have an 11 month old and pretty much have to do that all over again with our new baby, but just think, our son will have a brother! That's worth fighting for right? In the end it will be worth it, we just need to get through this together as best we can." Parenting is always stressful at some point (for both parents). Sometimes things are said that you don't mean. I bet when the baby is born and the 2 boys are playing together he will see a much better picture of why he goes to work everyday. He just needs time to adjust. He's going through a hard time right now, just tell him things will be alright and you want them to work out. Link to comment
troubled2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 He told me he didnt want me to go back to work because the cost of child care is to high and everytime I talk abiut getting a job he gets mad because it makes him feel like he cant support his family. As for him hating his job he really doesnt. He just got promoted to new department that he enjoys. Other than his xbox the only thing he talks about is his job with that spark in his eye. If by downsize you mean give up our kids, no. There is nothing we can do. Correction, nothing ill do. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 you work a job you hate You can see the confusion we have. Downsize doesn't mean giving up your kids, for cripes sake. It means ----- can you get rid of one car? Can you get an apartment that costs less? Can you change phone plans or give up cable? Link to comment
troubled2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 He told me he didnt want me to go back to work because the cost of child care is to high and everytime I talk abiut getting a job he gets mad because it makes him feel like he cant support his family. As for him hating his job he really doesnt. He just got promoted to new department that he enjoys. Other than his xbox the only thing he talks about is his job with that spark in his eye. If by downsize you mean give up our kids, no. There is nothing we can do. Correction, nothing ill do. Link to comment
troubled2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 We dont have a car, or cable or internet, OR a cell phone. All we have is rent and our power bill, I dont ask him for anything, ever. And as for our son, we get WIC so we buy diapers, dollar store clothes, and a new toy every so often. And he brings in over $800.00 a week. Link to comment
troubled2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thanks for commenting this made me feel a little better. Link to comment
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