Ddg3356 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Me and my girlfriend have been dating now for almost 3 years now, we had a rough spot and we broke up for 3 months but then we got back together and we've been together again now for a nice few months but recently I started to notice she was acting different and getting way more snappy and today she comes out and tells me the reason for this was because she was worried for what she had to tell me that's why she has been different, she knew he had to tell me but didn't know when the time was right anyway, today she tells me while we were broken up she had sex with another guy and I lost my I couldn't believe it, I know we were broken up but just the fact of thinking of this guy having sex with my girl makes me disgusted, right now I'm disgusted and I'm seeking help on how to overcome this because I love her so much and I would not let her go over this but I just need some pointers, thanks.. Link to comment
haliescharlie Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 To be honest, she shouldn't have told you. When you break up with someone, it is no longer your business what affairs you both have. Unless if the guy is still involved with her somehow. It's just information you don't need to hear that will definitely bother you. At the time of the break up, she was a free woman as you were a free man to do with whomever you wanted, even if you wouldn't. It is very naive to think that the other person would try to move on from the previous relationship. It is also selfish. If you want a relationship with her, don't blame her for this. Period. Or you might as well call it quits now. Which is actually a terrible reason. But to each their own. Link to comment
Ddg3356 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 @haliescharlie I understand this completely and I appreciate this, she has just felt really guilty about it because during her absence she tried to get me back for 2 months, after having sex with the guy she went to her friends house and cried, she loves me as well but because she only said this to me today I feel very down and just like I'm going to throw up but all I need is some advice that helps me move on from this and say not a big deal Link to comment
Ddg3356 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I understand this and I appreciate it, when we were apart however, 2 out of the 3 month absence she was trying to get me back, I know she loves me and I understand that she was also going through a rough time and was confused, but what I'm asking is what can I do right now, I mean I'm so put down in the dumps and I feel like throwing up I just need some advice to help me overcome this, maybe talk to her or something and another thing, am I suppose to just ignore it and focus on what's now because this was a nice few months ago. Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 You say she was trying to get you back so I assume you ended it in the first place? If she was unsuccessfully attempting to get you back and you were turning her down that was probably her attempt to move on. If you value having her back in your life choose to put it behind you and move forward with your relationship. I would not keep rehashing the incident or ask for details if I were you. It's fresh right now but you will need to put it behind you (very soon) or your newly reconciled relationship will fall apart. If you find that impossible to do then it's time to end it. How? Remind yourself that you were broken up and she was no longer "yours" at the point the breakup took place. Link to comment
notalady Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 You say she was trying to get you back so I assume you ended it in the first place? If she was unsuccessfully attempting to get you back and you were turning her down that was probably her attempt to move on. If you value having her back in your life choose to put it behind you and move forward with your relationship. I would not keep rehashing the incident or ask for details if I were you. It's fresh right now but you will need to put it behind you (very soon) or your newly reconciled relationship will fall apart. If you find that impossible to do then it's time to end it. How? Remind yourself that you were broken up and she was no longer "yours" at the point the breakup took place. Agree with this. Have a few days to yourself to cool down and digest "the news" may also help. But do let her know that what you're doing and that you'll be back. You need to get past this otherwise may as well break up. As the poster above me said, you were broken up, for however short that was, she wasn't your gf anymore at the time. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Give yourself some time and space to process this news. I think your reaction is completely understandable and if she gives you any crap about it, that's her stuff and not your problem. I will never understand why people feel the need to "confess" these types of things to their partners when they get back together. Sigh. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I think you need time to process it as well. In the end it was just random 'break up sex', maybe she needed to feel attractive or needed or maybe she was drunk. I'm not condoning it, but it happened and there is nothing either of you can do about it. As human beings we often behave like idiots, maybe it would help if you saw it as her behaving like an idiot. The thing to focus on is that's she's with you k=now. If that's where you want to be. Link to comment
SophieGrace Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 One way that might help you get past it is to take some responsibility for how you are feeling. If she was trying to get you back for 2 months, you must have been saying no. What's she supposed to do - be celibate forever? You were broken up; you didn't want her back. How could she possibly know that in the third month you'd finally acquiesce? She tried to move on or forget or own pain or whatever her reason, but that was her decision and her right. You were no longer with her. That's the chance you take when you call it quits. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 What you have to remember is that you were broken up, there was no guarantee you were ever going to get back together. What was she supposed to do? Wait 2 years and for you to have moved on to start living her life again? Why she told you this I will never understand tho, so you shouldn't even be having this crisis. Link to comment
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