Do you involve family during a breakup?

[hidden_kitten]

Hi, I'm wondering if any of you involve family or what you communicate to them during a break up?

 

A month ago my boyfriend and I were bickering a lot, then he said that he didn't think that the relationship was working any more and maybe we should break up. We have been together 3 years and we moved two hours drive away from our families to start a life together. So, feeling shocked on hearing this I needed a break from the flat to process the situation. I haven't made close friends here yet so the only place I could really go was back to my parents for a few days. My boyfriend was still in contact with me and we came to the decision that there are things we are going to try and work on before quitting for good.

 

I was honest to my parents about the situation, broke down in tears a couple of times as well, but the day I informed them I was heading back to the flat I had a really weird interaction with my dad. He basically got in my face, saying he's not sure if he "ever gets through to me". He saidthat I should do what's best for me however his tone didn't seem to be accepting of what I had to say. Then he said that I don't tell them enough of what I'm thinking or keeping them in the loop, even though I spent 3 days with them over Christmas and had been in touch via text and email since then?? I'm 26, am I supposed to be giving them a running commentary of everything that's happening in my life?

 

If this relationship doesn't work out, this last interaction makes me really hesistant to ask for support. I don't want people telling me about my partner "oh he's hurt you so much" or how crap a person he must be (because why have they kept silent for 3 years til now?), I just want them to accept my decision and not dwell on it .

 

Sorry to ramble, if anyone can share anything it would be greatly appreciated

[mhowe]

When you pour your heartbreak out on your parents, it is understandable that they won't be supportive of you returning to the person who inflicted it. So...to balance this off, you ned to keep them appraised of the joys in your relationship as well.

[milly007]

I turn to my parents/family when various problems/concerns surface in my life. I sometimes look to them for advice, whereas on other occasions I would rather just vent and talk about what's on my mind.

 

I've come to learn that my parents may not always provide me with the advice that I want to hear, or that I sometimes feel like they're being judgmental. Before talking about things with them, I now prepare myself for the outcome (i.e. - I may not feel that I'm getting the support that I need at the time; I feel like I'm being judged, etc.).

 

Within the last couple of years, I've talked to them about men that I've dated and job concerns. I've actually told them on a few occasions that I didn't feel like I was getting the support that I need from them. They have my best interests at heart (as I do theirs) and we all love each other to the moon and back, but they didn't realize the impact that their words were having on me.

 

They have always been supportive of me, but I think they're more supportive of me now and more careful of their word choice since we've had these discussions.

 

It's funny - I think they sometimes forget that I'm not 10 anymore, and that I actually have grown-up responsibilities where I have to make grown-up decisions.

 

Despite communicating with them as much as possible and letting them know how their words may affect me, I know there will forever be moments where I won't agree with what they've told me, and I think this comes with the territory (and my parents accept that I may not be receptive of their advice, etc.).

 

I've come to conclude that we may not always agree, and that's ok. They know that I need their support and that they have mine. This will never change. I know that they always have my best interests in mind when they provide me with advice.

 

I know I'm not providing you with a concrete answer here, OP. However, what I'm trying to say is that keeping the lines of communication open with your parents is key (I know - easier said than done). Have you told your dad that you heard him, but that you just need their support now because you're making a decision that is best for you?

 

For example: "Dad, I appreciate your advice and I did listen to what you had to say. I've really thought things through and despite our little relationship hiccup, I do want to try and make things work with ___. It may not work out for the long-term...who knows. However, right now, this is the best decision for me, and I would love if you just supported me through this process; even though you may not agree with it. I really need your support right now."

 

^^^I don't know...just an idea.

 

Good luck, hidden_kitten!