m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 If you can stick through this story than thank you, but I need answers. Ive been mentally distraught over this case for the last 8 months. A little background so you know where im coming from; I had trouble meeting girls all my life and was turned down everytime I asked one out. I was always lied to and excuses were made, so i thought it was my looks. For 6 years I resigned myself that i would never even get a date or a kiss. Currently I am a successful commercial pilot and have a great future doing so. I finally got my first date when I was 24 but she just went out with me to "be nice" as she put it. But the one I meant this thread for has really ed up my mind. She was 27 and just got out of a 5 year abusive relationship, shes outgoing herself and very confident. Out of nowhere one day she sends me a message on facebook and tells me how handsome i am and that she would like to meet me. Now after what I just told you about my past how do you think I would feel? especially since this girl was a stunner, she even worked as a Disney princess! I couldnt believe it but I agreed to a date. That night I was just myself honest and open with her about everything. She knew I was shy she knew how girls treated me and she knew i didnt even get a kiss. She told me those girls will seriously regret not giving me a chance. She then told me to sit next to her and proceeded to give me my first kiss! Later that night she texted me saying she couldnt stop smiling the drive home and wanted to see me the next night. We went out again, I picked her up and on the way back to her house she held my hand and we made out in the car. She texted me again saying "If you keep this up i may end up chasing you yet",.....from there on things took off, she texted every morning with "good morning handsome" and "I miss you, is that weird to say?" stuff. After one particular date she said "I like you more and more,the way you hold me, the way you kiss me the things you say, I hope this continues" She even gave me a photo of herself saying she wanted to look pretty for me if I become her boyfriend......Oh and thats one thing she would avoid.......actually calling dates a date or me her boyfriend which confused me. We went out two more times and i met her family. That night things went normal as I held her for the last time unknowingly. I told her to text me about tomorrows date to the local winery. She even texted me that night but the next days never came. I waited a week and on facebook i saw a post by her that said "All good men are either gay, married or dead" there was a rant about how terrible guys are. I texted asking if everything was okay and she said yes im fine then said i havent seen you and miss you and would like to go out thursday, because im still interested. There was a pause, then my nightmare came true. She sent back "Please realize we are just friends right now, i in no way want nor am I ready for a boyfriend anytime soon, I just got out of a three year abusive relationship and need time to focus on my career and myself, I dont want to lead you on" I responded with "I understand I wasnt asking for that, I just want to see you again"....she kept going and said...."I think your getting a little too attached and i need to make sure this doesnt become anything more than what it needs to be".......I said I understand again and dropped it, 8 hours later i get a text from her saying "I still want to see you".....I told her I dont need to be hurt like ive been in the past and I really genuinely liked her but if shes going to tease me then I can walk. She responded two days later and said "Again i just want to be friends right now"....I said I will be here for you as a friend. After that I had to endure more of her guy bashing on facebook such as "Ive decided im done with men right now they are all s and treat me just like my ex did"....... I saw that and was hurt inside, I sent her a private message saying That what she said wasnt true and that I cared about what we were doing and blah blah. She said "Look, those posts werent about you. Im going through so much right now, i did not want to drag you into.Your a really sweet guy but you'll find a better girl than me, I dont know what a good guy is and I dont know how to be in a loving relationship, im in a really dark place right now"....After this I told her to take care of herself and i would still be here for her as she meant alot to me. She didnt really respond. A month later I saw her last facebook message, it read. "Hook line and sinker he keeps this up ill be his forever" I made no response But after that she wiped her facebook account off completely made a new one and blocked me from it. Keep in mind I have said zero to her in a month, so I didnt provoke this. This whole thing happened last summer, however that month in June was the greatest I can remember, It was the summer love I always dreamed of and the memories still haunt me. How could something that was so profound and brought me so much joy have turned into 8 months of hell? I even had nightmares for the first month after those horrid texts. I tried to date other girls but nothing works I find I still am thinking of her. I guess I have two real questions. One being why did she do this to me? Was it me or her? and how am I supposed to get over this, how do I find closure. Funny thing is she kept my cellphone number and on occasion texts just to check up I guess but she never wants to actually do anything. Whats this girls deal? Opinions? Thoughts? Link to comment
Denguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Sorry to say, I think you were a rebound. She was vulnerable being newly single, and she wanted validation. She found that in you. When she no longer needed it, she kicked you to the curb to pursue other interests. I don't think you did it was anything you did... Going by your post, you seemed to have played things quite well. In fact, I don't think it could have been more textbook. To me, this is just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time... It's always a tricky situation being the rebound person, and more often than not, it ends up in heartbreak. Take this as a learning experience. You got to see how great love can make you feel, and also how horrible love can make you feel. Both are important lessons to learn, and everyone has to experience those feelings at one point. You had your first kiss, and it was with someone who you think is a "stunner". Take pride in that, knowing you were probably the most important thing to her at one point... Even if it was just for a little while. You're better off without someone like her though, and one day, you WILL find someone who will want to give you all that for the rest of your life. Keep your head held high. Edit: With regards to your "finding closure", don't bother. Closure is overrated, and most of the time we're better off not knowing the reasons why we were broken up with. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Sorry to say, but she sounds like an absolute vulture. I get the strong impression you were just an ego boost to her and she enjoyed messing with you - she took advantage of you being inexperienced and was playing you. It's unfortunate that you didn't "read" her very well from the get go. Be glad you're rid of her - she's not worth losing any sleep over. Be glad you dodged a bullet. Link to comment
Lucha Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 First of all, from the sound of it you both were going too fast. Her becoming that attached, and Meeting the parents that soon, is considered a red flag. I understand the pain you must have been enduring because the same thing once happened to me, only it did turn out into a RS but had a horrific ending nonetheless. It is awful. I lost 25 pounds due to being miserable. I would like to say something about the girl, it seems she is nowhere near capable of having a normal RS yet. As you said so yourself, she was in an abusive one - also, why would you stay in an abusive one- and then she just got out of it and threw herself into the dating pool. My thought here is she is the type that still has to learn to be alone, and you were probably not the only guy chasing after her and that's what she's referring to on facebook. Well I didn't mean to burst the bubble but I just wanted to say I can empathize, and no it's not you, you seem like a decent guy. It's her, obviously. Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Why would she have done that to someone like me? That doesn't make sense to waste your own time for a month with someone. Link to comment
Lucha Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Because she was lonely and confused and needed the validation. You were not a waste of time. Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 I just went at her pace, she made all the physical moves. I thought she said I was getting attached though not her? Her mom is my moms boss, and they used to all work together. I had no idea this girl existed though. Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 So it was all a lie then? The most profound experience of my life was a lie? The one thing that gave me confidence to actually start pursuing girls again,......was a lie Link to comment
Denguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 So it was all a lie then? The most profound experience of my life was a lie? The one thing that gave me confidence to actually start pursuing girls again,......was a lie I think it's a little extreme to say it was a lie. Just because you were a rebound does not mean that everything she said to you was made up. People don't repeatedly hold your hand, tell you wonderful things, or kiss you if they don't mean it. She was just in a weird emotional state, as people are when they exit long term relationships. That's the exact reason why it's important to grieve the last relationship you had properly before moving on. Whatever you shared with her was a gift. Cherish it. If it was the most profound experience of your life, let it be just that. You were able to woo someone who you thought was insanely wonderful. That alone should prove to you that you have what it takes to do the same again someday. And when you do, you'll experience all those same emotions you did that summer, trust me. Link to comment
saluk Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Nope. It wasn't a lie. You just never know what kind of land mines you are going to uncover. From the sound of it, she wasn't really sure whether she was ready to move on or not, and wasn't sure if she wanted to move on with you or not. She was blind and feeling her way through. And from your perspective, you also were new to things. You both were a bit blind, and stumbled into each other briefly. A first kiss is a very special thing, nothing can ultimately take that away from your experience, no matter the outcome! It's sad that it didn't work out, and that she went so weird at the end there. Few do endings well But don't lose hope. Even though it feels like it took forever to get this far with someone, it shows you that there is nothing wrong with you, even without a lot of experience things can go well for you. This experience wasn't great because of her, it was great because of what happened FOR YOU. Think about having that sort of experience with someone who hadn't just come out of an abusive relationship. You just have to get past the pain that this one left first. Start with blocking/not answering her texts or tell her to stop texting you. There is no magic closure button, but those things are major progress erasers. Link to comment
Denguin Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Put it this way: A lot of us on the forum are in a position where we had someone who once told us that they loved us, wanted to marry us, wanted to live the rest of our lives with us, etc. etc. Then, for various reasons, they fall out of love and leave us. Does that mean they didn't mean anything they said? Absolutely not! Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Knowing maybe it was real at the moment makes me feel much better. What bothers me is that its been 8 months and i still go through periods of being down about this, ive also been out with 9 different girls in the meantime but I cant focus on them at all, they just don't treat me the way she did, there is no passion. Im also terrified to text a girl now after what happened this summer when i did, Im afraid the girl will flip out on me again and I will lose her. So I just wait for them to text and most of the time they never do. Logically i know its ridiculous but i cant help it emotionally. Any advice on how to bring a sort of closure in my mind to this. Link to comment
DepthOfField Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Currently I am a successful commercial pilot and have a great future doing so. Off topic .... Not gonna lie dude, that's a pretty badass profession to be in! That should be a confidence booster in itself. Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 It was just a childhood dream, Right now im actually a flight instructor and train commercial and private pilots in the air. Yeah im 100 percent confident when im at my job and am a whole different person. But there are few girls to talk to there. My lack of confidence stems from the way girls treated me growing up. I would also hope a girl doesn't like me for my career. Dealing with the posted thread certainly doesn't help either. Link to comment
DepthOfField Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I would also hope a girl doesn't like me for my career. Nope, and you don't want a girl who's like that ... However it's certainly an attractive quality to have and will definitely spark a girl's interest! Apply your confidence with flying to your personal life. Dude, you are qualified to fly commercial AIRCRAFT. Talking/picking up Women should be a breeze. (Sorry, didn't mean to take this thread off topic) Link to comment
m1garand427 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Dont mind because this still is relevant in my life. I cant even look at a girl in public,let alone talk to an attractive one. It scares me less. I deal with students all day trying to kill me in a plane and can be completely calm about it, but cant talk to girls. Kinda funny but sad. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.