ISO legit help

[Ghost435]

My current lover and I have had some serious issues in the past. To start off at 19 years old, (I am 25 now) I was in a relationship already. I cheated on my girl with my current lover and left her alone to make my relationship stronger. Needless to say that didn't work out. 2 years later, my lover comes back in the picture but now she has a boyfriend. Soo she cheats on her boyfriend with me and she leaves me alone to make her relationship stronger. Again that didn't work for her. 2 years past again, she messages me and explains her love for me and wants to start off fresh with me. She had a baby with him and I accepted her as well as the baby. First couple months past by and they were great. Now I have an issue with the trust that I have towards her, I'm constantly accusing her of stuff and I don't want to. So far she hasn't given me a reason to not trust her, I'm just afraid of what she could do. I love her and I want this to work out, I am here looking for advice from people who have dealt with similar situations because finally were both single and we can actually try and develop the relationship we both want. Thanks in advance for reading!

[Willywagtail]

Yes karma has an interesting way of dealing with us doesn't it?

 

You need to talk to her. You both cheated with each other, so hopefully she'll understand. Look at it this way, in her eyes you are just as capable of being untrustworthy because you're a cheater as well.

 

I suspect part of it is guilt. Get it out into the open, talk about how you feel, ask her how she fells and then get over it. Otherwise your previous cheating and hers will destroy your relationship. Then that would really be karma.

[mhowe]

This scenario isn't as common as you would think.

I would suggest couples counseling.

[ThatwasThen]

Like I always say to these people that think they can form a successful relationship with the person they cheated with: "How will you ever trust one another to not do to you what they did with you?"

 

Love has nothing to do with whether or not you or she will cheat again but it does have everything to do with mutually agreed to relationship boundaries and both your own private set of personal boundaries that you won't let anyone cross or let down for anyone.

 

I think the two of you should set up some rules that the two of you agree to abide by. Here's a couple of must have relationship rules that the two of you would do well to abide by:

 

1. Neither of you will spend any one on one time with a member of the opposite sex doing a date-like activity.

2. Neither of you will put yourself in any precarious positions (like facebook/online befriending strangers of the opposite sex and having private conversations with them)

3. Neither of you will have conversations about any trouble in your union to a member of the opposite sex that is not your mother/sister/father/brother.