I don't know what to do now

[Jl321]

Hey guys. My ex broke up with me a month ago. We initiated NC right away and she went on a trip to her home country. Well I stopped using Instagram and Facebook because she was always on it and I didn't have the will to block her. She despised Twitter so that's what I resorted to.

 

Well while in traffic, I decided to check Twitter and low and behold, she's using it now. What's the first thing she writes? "Snapchat is the bomb", we all know how notorious snapchat is for nudes right? I instantly felt my heart racing and had to call my mom to calm me down. I wanted to reconcile after some time but I feel like she's just trying to get my attention and ****ing with me. She got a haircut and changed her hair color and everything.

 

Either she was living a lie through our 2 year relationship, or she's going through some weird rebel stage. (We broke up because of GIGS by the way).

 

That was the last straw for me. I blocked her from EVERYTHING. Now I'm packing all her crap and everything that has some kind of significance between us. Question is, what the hell do I do with it all? She has books here, a painting that she drew, along with pictures and letters. She lives right down the street so I was just gonna leave it at her door. Any suggestions? Please help me out here. This whole month I was stupid enough to think maybe she would contact me when she got back.

[overthemoon86]

Hi there, sorry you are going through this, I know this can be frustrating. Avoiding social media is a really good idea for the healing process. It doesn't matter if she is posting things on Twitter to get a reaction out of you or others or not at all. It's not going to stop her from doing that and she could be using this opportunity to focus on herself or new experiences with her changing her look.

 

If she wants her stuff back, she will come and get it. I would pack it up in a box, put it in a place where you don't see it every day and that's it. If she comes and gets it, great. If not, a that's fine too.

 

Do not hope for her to come back. It's not healthy, you need to be healing. Accept that the relationship is over, this will help you move on. She will do the same.

[reinventmyself]

Well while in traffic, I decided to check Twitter and low and behold, she's using it now. What's the first thing she writes? "Snapchat is the bomb", we all know how notorious snapchat is for nudes right? .

 

not necessarily. .don't jump to conclusions.

 

My son hooked me up on snap chat. . he sends me concert videos and random pictures at times.

Does he use for the purpose you describe?. . oh. .yah, probably . . but it doesn't make it necessarily so.

 

I have said this before and it's appropriate to repeat again. . whenever there is an unknown. .why is we fill it in with worst case, most painful scenario?

This was your choice to assume this. . If you realize that it is actually a choice, why not choose something you can handle and doesn't cause you so much grief?

[Mischa234]

Either she was living a lie through our 2 year relationship, or she's going through some weird rebel stage. (We broke up because of GIGS by the way).

 

You broke up because of gigs? As in...concerts? Or is this an acronym I don't understand?

 

If she lives with her parents/friends and you can contact them, give her stuff back to them. I wouldn't contact her, or have anything to do with her. It's pretty normal to act out after a break up, and it doesn't mean she was living a lie. It's actually more that, when something hurts you a lot it can change you as a person and one outlet of expressing pain and confusion is by changing yourself, testing your limits, trying new things etc.

 

This is one of the reasons so many people refer to the end of serious relationships as the start of something new.

[Jl321]

Lol, it's Grass Is Greener Syndrome. Meaning she thinks she's missing out while in a relationship.

 

I get where you're coming from and I understand. Good for her but why boast and brag about it? We're all adults here. Well, 20, but I consider myself a mature adult. She can go out, do whatever she wants, meet as many guys as she wants, and whatever. I'll be minding myself, building my businesses, meeting people, and be relaxed and calm like I was before her.

 

I would be so worried to ruin my chances with her but I'm realizing she just ruined her chances with me. Good riddance.

[Jl321]

I would love to give her back all stuff as a "screw you, I'm done" but I don't think that would give me the control. It might just reinforce her decision and I don't want her to have the pleasure of that.

[overthemoon86]

Let her be immature, make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons. And at 20 years old you have so much to experience!! Go out, have fun, try new things. It really is the best time of your life, go enjoy it!

[Jl321]

I know I should but truthfully, I don't know where to start? I don't really have friends. I signed up for an MMA class today and have been looking into different activities that allow me to meet people but I feel like such a wuss. Always nervous, anxious, scared of people not liking me. The dumb part is, I'm actually a good looking, funny, intelligent guy. I'm just scared to show people.

[overthemoon86]

You have the right ideas! Join clubs, interest groups, spend time with family, ect. You will make friends. Are you in school right now or have a job? Suggest hanging out with kids at school or after work. Life begins outside of your comfort zone! Don't let it pass you by

[Jl321]

You have the right ideas! Join clubs, interest groups, spend time with family, ect. You will make friends. Are you in school right now or have a job? Suggest hanging out with kids at school or after work. Life begins outside of your comfort zone! Don't let it pass you by

 

I'm not in school right now but I'm considering going back, mostly for the experience though. I'm starting my own business so when I am around people, it's usually older people. I really want to pull through this but I know the only thing I can really do is give it time.

 

I hate to bring up the past but I've been through cancer at the age of 7, depression throughout my teens, my dad being in prison, and for some stupid reason, this feels like the hardest thing I've had to deal with. Almost feels unreal. It's amazing, you really see who's there for you when times get tough. I've already learned so much during this month alone. I almost feel blessed to have gone through all my troubled times. I just always wonder, if ever, when does it end?

[overthemoon86]

Hey there, it sounds like you have been through a lot. You are so strong!! Don't forget that. It can feel like you will never feel good, I promise you will. I can tell you from experience. My ex broke up with me after 5.5 years and it felt like death. I didn't think I could go on. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. But here I am a year later a happier and more fulfilled person. It does get better

[Mischa234]

Let her be immature, make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons. And at 20 years old you have so much to experience!! Go out, have fun, try new things. It really is the best time of your life, go enjoy it!

 

Oh no, I wouldn't go back to 20 if I was paid to. Unless it was a seriously substantial sum of money, in the six digits, and someone helped me understand at 20 how to invest that sum of money! Up until my 21st was basically hell - with family, relationships, education, work (GFC made it all harder). Each birthday that passes life seems to get a little bit easier. If that's anything for you to look forward to OP =)

 

Plus, as a guy you often get more attractive as you age. Unfortunately women tend to be viewed as more attractive when they are younger, so while I'm happy to be older and wiser there are some potential drawbacks which you luckily shouldn't experience. Meaning, with all probability, you will find someone more worthy!

 

I hate to bring up the past but I've been through cancer at the age of 7, depression throughout my teens, my dad being in prison, and for some stupid reason, this feels like the hardest thing I've had to deal with. Almost feels unreal. It's amazing, you really see who's there for you when times get tough. I've already learned so much during this month alone. I almost feel blessed to have gone through all my troubled times. I just always wonder, if ever, when does it end?

 

I had a horrible youth as well, and I agree the scariest pain is that of a breakup. And not necessarily because it hurts more, but I think because it hurts the basic essence of who we are and makes us doubt our abilities.

 

It's difficult to let someone that you love walk out of your life, along with all the hopes and expectations you had attached to them for so long. It's a huge hit to the ego and it feels like a personal failure, because unlike everything else bad that happened, you actually invested in this emotionally and felt responsible for its success.

 

With all that we invest in them, relationships are also a major platform in assisting us to learn more about ourselves and see ourselves in a different light. Often it is only at the end of a relationship that you can be completely honest with yourself about what you really want in a partner and in life and what your values are (you are no longer trying to please and complement the person you are with). Plus I feel the shock factor forces you to question everything a lot more than you would have otherwise. It is a wonderful opportunity to grow and strengthen your identity so that you can attract people who are like-minded in the future, and use this experience to gain enough wisdom to know the difference.

 

All the pain, confusion and loss you feel will make you a stronger, smarter and happier person.

[overthemoon86]

Oh no, I wouldn't go back to 20 if I was paid to. Unless it was a seriously substantial sum of money, in the six digits, and someone helped me understand at 20 how to invest that sum of money! Up until my 21st was basically hell - with family, relationships, education, work (GFC made it all harder). Each birthday that passes life seems to get a little bit easier. If that's anything for you to look forward to OP =)

 

Plus, as a guy you often get more attractive as you age. Unfortunately women tend to be viewed as more attractive when they are younger, so while I'm happy to be older and wiser there are some potential drawbacks which you luckily shouldn't experience. Meaning, with all probability, you will find someone more worthy!

 

??? How is this productive advise? Why you would you encourage someone to resent their 20s because you had a bad experience? If anything you should be inspiring people to do things differently so they can enjoy their 20s....so they don't feel so bitter when they are older. Yes people go through hard times, we all do, we are all learning from one another. I had horrible high school years....but would I advise someone to miss out on anything high school related because I didn't like it??? No.

 

What you are basically saying is that your 20s suck so maybe by the time you are 30 things will get better....life is such a gift, one that can be taken away at any moment. Every experience in life, good or bad, is meant to be experienced and hopefully you learn from it. It is not to be wished away no matter how old you are.

 

And the comment about attractiveness and age?? That is so superficial, demeaning, and immature. I think all people are beautiful regardless of their age, it disappoints me that society dictates that you are only "attractive" at certain ages. And why you would pass that logic down to someone else is furthering the problem.

 

I guarantee you, if you were on your death bed, you would need no sum of money to relive your 20s.