Can you not be love with them but still not be over them?

[stella m]

The better wording might be can you can be over someone if you still think about them? It's been about 2 years and I still think about my ex. Not every waking moment, but he usually pops into my mind once a day or so. I definitely don't love him anymore and I don't miss him or dream of us being together again. I'm very happy in another relationship. If I ever were to "compare" the two, my current bf is most certainly many steps up. When I found out a few months ago that he somewhat rushed into a marriage after we broke up, I was annoyed for other reasons - but I wasn't hurt. But there are a lot of things that remind me of him. Not in a painful way. Just in the same way that I have a lot of other knick-knacks that remind of me of other people - ex's, friends, family. I'm a very imaginative person and these other memories pop up frequently too. Many of the reminders of my ex are just a fleeting thought - but there are others a little more "heavy" because they're connected to a more recent situation that had more weight. After all, the breakup led to A LOT of life changes - all for the better but the journey getting there was difficult.

 

Months ago I asked my councilor (who's more like my "life coach") about this and she said her opinion is that the old adage that thinking about an ex means you're not over them is a myth. She said what makes the difference is the context in which you think about them - that ruminating about a person/situation is different than lamenting them. She compared it to thinking about any other significant life event - that it's more in the forefront of your mind because it was a bigger deal. She said it's normal to have painful memories - the difference is in how they effect your daily life. Do you they weigh you down where you can't find happiness or are they just simply memories? I'd definitely say I'm happy again.

 

I guess I'm just posting because I'm curious to hear what other people think: agree or disagree?

[kathy679]

I think that a loss is a loss, and regardless as to weather u were in love or not it will still hurt. I think it hurts more if you loved them but none the less, being without them and getting used to that is a transition period in which you have to adapt to. Of course it is normal to think about an ex all of the time. I have a few exs and i often think about them each individually. Its the same with anybody you meet in life, but with an ex there was a time you had hopes and dreams of lasting, so yes its normal

[Betteralready]

I definitely have fond memories of my exes, and I have no desire to be with them or any regrets. I don't think of them as losses at all.

 

At some point, those past relationships helped shape who you are, so thinking about them from time to time is more normal than if you completely forgot that they existed . . . and that has nothing to do with being "over them."

 

My current ex? I'm not over him. Not even close. My thoughts about him are less confusing and less hopeless, but still constant.

 

So, I guess I agree with your life coach? Not sure, lol

[Willywagtail]

I agree with your life coach. Why would you forget someone that was a significant part of your life?

 

If a person dear to you died you'd still think about them, and no one would tell you you're not over it.