kmich866 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I have been dating the same guy for 6 years. we started dating as sophomores and high school and this spring he is going to graduate college. i have one year left. Lately the marriage thing has been bothering me. He is my best friends and I'm pretty sure my soulmate. He lives at school and I only see him a few times a month. I try to give him space and meet people and hang out with his friends, but I live at home and it gets lonely since my school is online and I babysit for work. We both want to be together, but when I bring up marriage he says "how do you or I know its what we want we haven't experienced anything?" Which I know he is right, but I have never wanted anyone else since I have been with him. I have no urge to date others or sleep with other people. All I have ever wanted was him. I want him to experience things, but I don't want to lose him. Do I break it off so that I'm not holding him back? Do I just leave it in hopes that one day it will work out? I don't want to wait forever to get married and I want to start having kids before I turn thirty. I'm 22 now. We don't want to hurt each other, but I just want him to be happy. My mind is telling me to just let him go so that he can experience life the way he wants. Something similar happened our senior year of high school. He again wanted to experience life and hang out with his friends (I guess hanging out with them single is different than hanging out with them while in a relationship). We separated and stayed friends, but we always ended up back together but never "labeling it". If anyone has been through this or has any advice please help me. And serious, non-sarcastic answers please. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 You BOTH need to experience life...he is clearly not wanting to get married in the near future and start a family. You should let him go... Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Sounds like you are at different stages so it may be best to part. Relationships that start in high school rarely last as people change an awful lot as they move into their mid twenties. As far as breaking up with the idea of getting back together, that rarely happens. People just move on to someone else. I'd sit down and talk to him about where he sees this going. Be rational and direct about what you'd like and see what he says. But be totally honest. Don't sugar coat it. In a non confrontational way make him realise he may lose you. And based on that either move on or stay. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I agree with the others, but mainly for your own benefit. If you go to school online and work as a babysitter, your world view is pretty limited by that experience. I recommend that you do things that cultivate a wider world experience. You really need to get out there and enjoy life. And, worry about having a baby later. You're only 22! Link to comment
kmich866 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't want a baby or marriage right this minute. Around the age of 27-28 I do because the chances of having a healthy baby are much better, I would still have the engergy, and I would still be young enough to see my grandchildren grow up. My mother was in her fourties when she had me and everyone asks if she is my grandma. I don't want to go through that. Everyone talks about experience, but the only experience we wont have together is dating other people and having sex with others. Every thing else can be done while we are still dating. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 That is what we mean...dating others, getting out of town, experiencing life. And living independently...not with your parents or your bf...your own apartment or living with other roommates. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't want a baby or marriage right this minute. Around the age of 27-28 I do because the chances of having a healthy baby are much better, I would still have the engergy, and I would still be young enough to see my grandchildren grow up. My mother was in her fourties when she had me and everyone asks if she is my grandma. I don't want to go through that. Everyone talks about experience, but the only experience we wont have together is dating other people and having sex with others. Every thing else can be done while we are still dating. It's really hard to understand what 'experience' is when you're 22. I really apologize if this sounds patronizing, because it's not meant to. I just think that your vision for yourself is limited because it's all based on the one person. Marriage, children and grandchildren are still years away and women have children at an older age these days. One of my very good friends had her first child at 40, and she has heaps of energy. And, as an aside, she certainly doesn't look like a grandma! Six years is a long time and it's a great experience to have, but I think your BF is being realistic. You both need to experience life beyond each other, and experience other people as well. Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Don't give yourself a timeline on life. My best friends and I did that, and all we did was stress about it as the "time" drew near, and we were unprepared for our expected goals. We should have focused on enjoying life as it went! Also, you are mature to look at your situation with a realistic perspective. It's admirable of you to be willing to let your bf go. The probable alternative is that you stay together, one of you feels stifled, starts acting out (maybe cheating, maybe lying, maybe just being resentful and mean), and then your relationship becomes damaged. What do you think is harder to do- separate in a respectful, loving stage, leaving the door open for future reconciliation; or trying to repair something covered in pain, mistrust, and resentment? You will be just fine! Whether it's with this man or another, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you'll get to have the kind of relationship you want. Link to comment
BitterSweet526 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 My bf and I started dating in middle school, who even knew what dating was then. Anyway, we stuck it out despite clear signs we wanted and needed experiences apart. I thought it was romantic that we kept coming back to each other. But reality, he's cheated on me and lied so many times that there's no real romance, just working through pain. It should have ended many years ago, while there was still love and respect. Now, I'm just full of resentment and trying to figure out how to break a bad habit... Don't be afraid to let it go, enjoy and savor the love and experience you had and if your paths meet again when you both are on the same page, who knows what could happen. But don't keep forcing something out of fear. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I try to give him space and meet people and hang out with his friends, but I live at home and it gets lonely since my school is online and I babysit for work. I think before you're ready to marry anyone, you have to sort this aspect of your life out first. Do you have friends? Link to comment
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