Ex - he messages but isn't consistent?

[mhowe]

OP...you keep asking the same question over and over again.

 

He did not fwwl enough for you to make any changes in his lifestyle. It isn't about strong enough, maturity, timing. It just wasn't the right match.

[Tanzi]

so he needs to be wanting to settle and commit before he can commit to anyone?

 

or are you saying that even if he's not ready to commit and not wanting to commit, if he meets someone he really likes, he will?

 

If you meet the right person you wouldn't think of it as a commitment vs non-commitment issue. You would just naturally fall into pace with that person because you have a mutual connection.

 

If someone likes you but they are having trouble with committing themselves "officially" to you then I would say that they weren't confident enough in their feelings for you (i.e. whatever it is they are feeling it simply isn't enough to want to be committed to you).

 

Yes there are people out there who are real commitment phobes and who have real issues … but I wouldn't be ready to stick that label on a 20 year old just yet!

[ist17]

Makes sense; no more making excuses for him then I guess!

[Tanzi]

is this to say that his lack of maturity atm/him not being ready to commit was stopping him from developing stronger feelings?

 

There isn't a real answer to this. You either feel enough for someone to make things work or you don't. Any number of things can divert someone's attention. If that is able to happen then their feelings were never THAT strong in the first place and were most likely NEVER going to amount to much anyway.

 

Is it possible for someone's feelings to grow if they aren't ready to commit in the first place?

 

Not at 20 I wouldn't have thought. His mind will be elsewhere, that is why he wasn't ready to commit in the first place.

 

 

OP, as mhowe said, you are asking the same question over and over again and it doesn't really have a solid answer. I don't believe this is a commitment issue. Granted relationships might not be at the top of his priority list at 20 but the real crux is he just doesn't feel enough to WANT to be in one. You are making this far more complicated than it needs to be. I know it's hard to accept but, as I said before, he has chosen the direction in which he wants to go. That is all you need to know.