Kensico22 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Been dating for about 3 months - pretty intense - so enjoy being with her - but I made a mistake and shouldnt have taken the bait; a "friend" told me thru a third party that although she likes me she doesnt really doesnt want me as a boyfriend right now, doesnt feel a strong emotional attachment - (- I brought it up during the context of a conversation we were having and she abrubtly left angry and have had minimal contact since - "she needs time alone" I will respect that, (but she didnt deny what was said either )-Look, I made a mistake, but I dont think this should cause the end of relationship - Very Upset Perhaps the bottom line is I care more than she does - thanks for any words u may have Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I can see both sides of this. On one hand, some 3rd parties will pass on lies or exaggerations deliberately or otherwise. On the other hand, some rumours do turn out to be true or have some truth in them. If you do care more than she does (especially if it is a lot more) then she will probably feel suffocated. I've been on both sides of this one, BTW. I'd certainly give her a week to 10 days to simmer down. You can apologise for listening to "gossip" but, even if it takes off again, be wary that she might not be that into you. Link to comment
Loriana Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Hey Kensico, Well if its just a rumor that isn't true then I don't understand why she would be so mad at you for confronting her unless you confronted her in a accusing way? From her reaction sounds like the rumor could be true. If it is then she needs to be straight up with you instead of going around and telling other people about how she is feeling. I think you need to contact her and find out how she really feels for this to move forward. Link to comment
Dcgent Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I would agree...her reaction ,if you brought it up so innocently, would lead me to believe that she is not really into you. If she really respected you and loved you...I would anticipate a different reaction than what transpired. Good Luck.. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 She's likely upset that people are telling you things behind her back, and your remark clearly made it uncomfortable for her. I'm not convinced it's you in particular, but if she's not into you, then she left because the drama of it all is more than she wants. But she abruptly left and made minimal contact, so I wouldn't pursue at this point and let her come back when she's ready. The more you try to fix this, the more it will make you look desperate. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Hey Kensico, don't be mad at yourself! I think any person in your situation probably would have done some followup on those rumours you heard. Her reaction, to me, indicates she is not into this, especially since you already sort of felt that you were more into it than she . . . I'm sorry, I can tell you really liked her. Better to find out now than later though right? Keep your head up man. Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Been dating for about 3 months - pretty intense - so enjoy being with her - but I made a mistake and shouldnt have taken the bait; a "friend" told me thru a third party that although she likes me she doesnt really doesnt want me as a boyfriend right now, doesnt feel a strong emotional attachment - (- I brought it up during the context of a conversation we were having and she abrubtly left angry and have had minimal contact since - "she needs time alone" I will respect that, (but she didnt deny what was said either )-Look, I made a mistake, but I dont think this should cause the end of relationship - Very Upset Perhaps the bottom line is I care more than she does - thanks for any words u may have New at this - (I think I' m responding in the rite section) Thanks so much to those 5 replies (so far) for giving me some perspective and wisdom. Fact is I was married 20 years+ so dating is so new to me - I dont really like to have to "play the game" - in this case I will listen and play it cool. I must admit however, I physically feel that angst- like heartburn - I'm a good guy - I do know that she had been in a couple of relationships where she was not treated nicely - I WILL NOT BE LIKE THAT or play that game, because that is not what's in my heart. I do wonder why women would stay with someone who doesnt treat thenm rite though. I'm just so suprised at how hurt/sad I am. Will keep my head up - Thanx Gang Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Yeah James - I definetely hit a nerve - I thibnk that she views me differently now - that I am part of the "gossip crowd" of which I am not - Ill just lay low and put things in Gods hand = Thx Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Getting back into the dating scene is tough work. I went through a divorce, then met someone new who broke up with me, so I tried on-line dating. I bugged out of it because I just don't mind being single and I wasn't enjoying the work involved, so I can understand your situation. Relationships that start hot can fizzle quickly, yet the ones that grow slowly can fade as well. Even if she didn't say those things, hearing back-handed that she wasn't feeling a strong emotional connection was a red flag to consider; because people who are really into you won't do things that cause doubt in other people. As tough as that can be to go through, just remember that you are less uncomfortable in this situation then had she tried to take it further and broken it off after you allowed your emotions to go deep. The takeaway from this one is that you communicated to her and she responded. For that you should be proud of yourself, and now you know. If you are ever uncertain in the future, don't allow yourself to become outcome oriented, and just allow it to ride for a while and see if it builds. If not, drama-free can be your best friend and either walk away or understand this friend is just a friend, which is ok too. Always trust your gut, and when you find that one person you don't have to trust your gut with, you probably found the right one. Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thanks James - it hurts though, bad - I dont understand WHY she wont tell me the reasons though - for her/someone to react like that - so quickly, I think that perhaps there were other factors, but dude, we were OK up to that nite - I think she was sensitive to rumors because of her past - she lumped me in with the petty gossip crowd which I'm not - now Im hatin on those people - Thanks man Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thx Loriana - Im just gonna play it cool for few days - then I think aletter - but I wont ask for us to get back togther cause she doesnt feel that way - I just cant believe one thing could things up like that, but i must have hit abutton, Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thx Spotti - i know she was with a couple of guys for a couple of years, who didnt treat her great, but Im not gonna play that game. We had a very strong physical connection - i tried to scale back to show i really cared about her - not just that, but i actually think it backfired. This hurts. Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks D - I want to almost beat her to the punch by sending her a letter - a nice letter -saying goodbye AND acknoweldging she wants to be apart - IDK Link to comment
Kensico22 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Ok Man with Dog - I do feel that with passing time, things move on. I know she is unsure about herself - i dont think she really cares sometimes - and i have spells where I get mad and think, you then, but truth is I am really hurt. I was thinking letter in a week - Thanks man Link to comment
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