Our first weekend together didn't really go so great. Feeling depressed :(

[ForestofDreams]

In another post I wrote how my boyfriend is never home since he works 17+ hours per day. I wrote how it was really effecting our relationship together over the past year. We never really had any intimacy (only 4 times in a whole year) and never had time to do anything together. We have a son together, so I thought it was even more vital that he spent more time with us instead of working around the clock. Because of his heavy work schedule he was usually too busy on weekends to do things together as well since he spent that time off catching up on chores and sleep.

 

So I had a talk with him about it and he actually decided to take a 4 day week instead of a 5 day week so then we could have some time together and rebuild our relationship. He was really excited about the new change.

 

So the weekend finally came where we'd spend time together. We decided to go to a park which has a lot of nature trails and a restaurant in the middle of the park that has lots of trees actually inside the restaurant, to make it look like the forests in the park. It was very nice. We had a nice time together. I thought things were going great. The sun started to go down so we decided to go back home since it was getting cold, and I wanted to make sure our son wouldn't get too cold. We started walking to his car, and then a girl stopped us.

 

She asked us for directions. My boyfriend told her the directions and then after laughing with her, he kind of watched her walk away over the horizon. I didn't think much of it. Then he looked at me and said "Wow, she was really cute".

 

I felt kind of hurt by this. I really thought things were finally going okay with us, but now I'm sitting here feeling pretty low. Why would he say that? I don't know if something like this would normally make me feel bad. It's just we never have time for each other, and then the one time we do, he goes and says something like that right in front of me. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Should I just forget about what he said, or was there a deeper meaning? I know things arn't going to well in our relationship, but now I really don't think they are going well at all

[1a1a]

Hmmmm, I think if you don't speak to him about that incident it will fester. In the context of the last year of basically neglect and emotional detachment (that's what it's been. Now he's agreed to build emotional intimacy with you again but that is a process, he needs to put in a lot more love before you can possibly be comfortable with such a remark) hearing him say that on your first weekend out together cut you deep. Like, you've basically ignored me for a year and now you're admiring other women's bodies

[Batya33]

What a rude and tacky thing to say. I have a question - was it obvious he was checking her out or did you check to see if he would check her out?

[Iggles]

How did you act towards him after the comment? We're you cold to him for the rest of the day/weekend?

 

What he said was NOT cool. It's was pretty darn inconsiderate! You need to tell him upfront you don't want to hear comments like that.

 

"Babe, I am not a 'bro'. I am not going to high-five you checking out other girls! Would you like it if a guy walked by us and I turned to you and said 'that dude is so hot!'"

 

He needs to focus on you and keep his running commentary about other women to himself!

[chickadeedee]

He sounds really immature. What'd I'd say if he made a comment like that is, 'Did you really expect that making a comment about a girl like that in front of me is going to put ME in the mood for love tonight? Think again! Are you trying to rekindle our romance, or kill it entirely?'

[ForestofDreams]

He definitely checked her out. I kind of was standing a few feet away with my son and maybe he didn't know I could see. His comment kind of confirmed it. He said the guys at his work talk like that all the time. Yeah, I kind of wished he kept it to himself. He said that he'd not like it if I did that to him. He said he was just kidding but I was kind of thinking "really...? come on...". He's younger then me, so I end up forgiving him all the time for lots of stuff because of his age. He's 3 years younger then me. Plus I'm the only real girlfriend he's ever had so I kind of always give him LOTS of chances. I always feel like any mistake he makes is because of his inexperience with girls so he doesn't know really how to ...um well you know. I think he's scared of sex. He just doesn't have a lot of experience. A lot of times I don't really say anything if something he does bothers me. I don't want to nag at him, but at the same time sometimes I am just thinking "really?". I feel a bit better today, but yeah, did not expect that last night!

[abitbroken]

Plus I'm the only real girlfriend he's ever had so I kind of always give him LOTS of chance

 

3 years younger is not cradle robbing. He has a son. He needs to man up and grow up. And its your fault too by treating him like he needs to go out and experience other women and not respecting yourself enough to demand that he is either with you or not. There are many people that marry their first serious love and 50 years later they are still happy. He made a choice for unprotected sex and so did you. His time of getting out there and having experiences with girls is over. He HAS experience with sex. He made a kid. It is your mutual choice whether you guys stay together as a couple, eventually marry, or not, or don't and dump him.

[abitbroken]

Its "our" son, not "my" son - you have to think of it as that. (and look as your boyfriend as a full adult and not this 'so much younger kid who doesn't know better And then you can approach him on the topic and ask whether he would like to commit to you and be a family or would he like to end the relationship and work out a custody agreement. Also, tell him how he looks to your mutual child and how confusing that is for daddy to be flirting with other women. EIther you have to commit to eachother, or he needs to stop coming around your child acting like he is on the make with other women in front of the kid and you.