Do they come back?

[rainydays1]

wondering this...especially after they seem to have moved on?

[mhowe]

If they seem to have moved on...it is generally because they have.

[pippy longstocking]

Mostly ......no

 

sometimes ....yes

 

can any of us predict each others futures ...no

 

but we all have to move forward and treat life with the precious respect it deserves x

[mbee]

In my experience... mostly yes, but you need to define "coming back."

 

If you mean contacting you out of the blue, then yes, mostly yes.. you'll very likely get an email, call or something saying hello at some point down the road.

 

In terms of reconciliations, yes, but it depends. If you imagine someone chasing you down and begging for a second chance, that's unlikely to happen. In my experiences, the guy (who dumped me) often comes back in the picture, wanting to catch up, hang out. There's some flirting. Then after a few weeks or a month or 2, they suddenly want to try again. Which makes sense, since we've BOTH moved on and go back to getting to know each other again. Sometimes there are obstacles as well, like distance, dating other people, or general awkwardness and in my experiences, the guy usually needs a few months to sort all that out before saying they want to try again (almost 100% of the time I'm uninterested in the reconciliation).

 

I've wanted to try dating (not necessarily be in a relationship) with a couple of guys I broke up with just cause it's been years and there's still a connection BUT same thing... I approach it as a casual friendship first because we both have moved on and changed, and you need to get to know someone again.

 

So depends what you mean really..

[pd8mxq]

If they have moved on, just let it be. Like the users from the above replies said, if they seem t have moved on, its probably that they have. It is true.

 

And will they come back? yes, i did get a txt every few months to see how I am doing but i found myself not in a place to reply and thus havent heard from that person since.

 

I was first on this forum 4 years back when I was sad about my breakup. 4 years have passed, I moved on and if you ask what I would do if he comes back, I can tell you I wouldn't try again.

 

Why would you care if they come back?

[Man with Dog]

Possibly and sometimes it works but it usually fails for whatever caused the break-up in the first place.

 

In my opinion and experience, a life hoping for maybes is a life wasted.

[reinventmyself]

In my experience... mostly yes, but you need to define "coming back."

 

Well said. I refer to it as 'returning to the scene of the crime'.

They almost always make a return visit but it's rarely for the right reasons.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, unfortunately they sometimes do. Usually after a long period of time when you no longer care about them. Trouble is if what broke you both up in the first place isn't addressed with big changes made OR the relationship wasn't really toxic and you both broke up for other reasons like distance or wrong place/wrong time the getting back together usually tanks again.

 

Look at the circumstances of your breakup closely. There lies the answer about whether you'd even want or should want them back. In the meantime focus on being kind to yourself and healing.

[rainydays1]

ok just wondering b/c i'm at the point where i'm getting better about the break up and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that i'm moving on myself. part of me almost feels guilty that I don't feel as sad or torn up as I did at first. I mean, I still miss her but I remember how I felt being with her and now I feel like it's her new boyfriends problem. I still want her to realize what she lost with me tho.

[mhowe]

She isn't going to realize what she lost...because she jumped right into a new relationship.

 

You focus on your healing. Her mindset is no longer something for you to worry about.

[rainydays1]

right exactly. she's focused on him and her now. no time to even think about me. I just feel pathetic that 5 months later i'm still thinking about her. is that normal? like, I look back and see how we were doomed from the start, me not being her type and me knowing she was bad for me but yet I still hold on to this idea that maybe I did things differently or acted differently she would still be here. I don't even know if that would be a good thing or bad thing at this point truthfully. most likely bad. I can't believe 5 months and still wondering all this...still feeling things....I don't get it

[Clinton]

There's no set amount of time to get over a relationship. You heal at your own rate.

 

I will tell you once you let go of all hope you heal faster.

 

You can't change the past so no point dwelling on it. In every breakup there's blame on both sides. You weren't perfect but niether was she. You guys just weren't a good couple.

 

You'll heal eventually whether you want to or not. It just takes time, often more than we want.

[trust101]

Just to talk about the other side of this discussion, the big fat 'no', they don't ever come back.

 

From experiences I know of sometimes they just don't. Even if we live in an age where finding information about someone (your ex) is quite simple and communicating with them via mobile, email or social media is also, thanks to technology, straightforward, this does not mean your ex will contact you one day. The world is still a very big place and you'd be suprised how easy it is to avoid a person completely.

 

In my opinion, the chance of simple contact from your ex might seem favourable & reconciliation/getting back together less so. But, the chance of your ex never contacting you again is just as likely, like they have disappeared from the earth,

 

This is excluding if you happen to run into each other at an event or something and shared an awkward hello, because I don't consider that as contact from the ex.

 

To sum up, it's very easy, without even trying, to go your whole life ignoring and never contacting someone, in any form, ever. Even if your ex and you were deeply in love and spent years together.

[Brokenhart84]

You have a better chance of them wanting to check up on you rather than wanting to get back. After doing a lot of reading, getting back together with someone isn't hard(if you had a relatively healthy relationship). The question is, will it last....

[Shadowbite]

You have a better chance of them wanting to check up on you rather than wanting to get back. After doing a lot of reading, getting back together with someone isn't hard(if you had a relatively healthy relationship). The question is, will it last....

 

^- Plus it won't last if you guys don't have significant time apart. People may want to change their ways in a short amount of time. But often you actually need to take a big step back in order to fix issues, other wise one of you will revert back to previous ways.

[Brokenhart84]

^- Plus it won't last if you guys don't have significant time apart. People may want to change their ways in a short amount of time. But often you actually need to take a big step back in order to fix issues, other wise one of you will revert back to previous ways.

 

That is correct. Two of my friends reconciled with their ex boyfriends and got married. However, they spent years apart. One I believe spent 5 years apart from her ex. She had broken up with him.

[GoogilyBear]

right exactly. she's focused on him and her now. no time to even think about me. I just feel pathetic that 5 months later i'm still thinking about her. is that normal? like, I look back and see how we were doomed from the start, me not being her type and me knowing she was bad for me but yet I still hold on to this idea that maybe I did things differently or acted differently she would still be here. I don't even know if that would be a good thing or bad thing at this point truthfully. most likely bad. I can't believe 5 months and still wondering all this...still feeling things....I don't get it

 

There's nothing pathetic about still thinking about your ex 5 months down the line. I still have to fight a battle in my head every single day to get thoughts of the ex out of there, and it's almost 11 months post-BU and 6 months NC for me. I just recently "let go" and given up all hope of ever hearing from her again, and really that was the last hurdle I needed to jump. NC is a very good technique to heal, but you need to truly let go. Focus on yourself and those things that you can control. You can't control the way she feels or what she does, so why even worry about it?