What the heck is going on?

[oitnb]

So I used to be friends with this girl, S. I've posted about her before but to sum it up : she's gone ghost on me three times now. As in, not contacting me, ignoring my calls/texts, all that. The first time was a fall out we had over my ex, we were both in the wrong but i ended up apologizing and taking the blame for the whole situation because I wanted my best friend back after I left said ex. The second time was because my s/o and I helped her husband and her move into AND remodel there house, and they were very ungrateful and rude. I called her out on it and it pissed her off and she went ghost. So a few months after that I swallowed my pride again and asked if she wanted to be a hair model for me at my school. (I'm a cosmetology student) I needed a model to pass a test and figured it would be a way for us to reconnect.

 

After I did her hair I figured all was well. It was a bit awkward but whatever, we're all adults and I was ready to be friends again. The ball was in her court and i was sure she would ask to hangout again or something along those lines. Guess what? She stopped talking to me after that. No thank you texts, nothing. Blatant Facebook posts of her "having so much fun" with all these people she barely knows and she supposedly didn't even have time to send me a two second text or call.

 

The weird thing was a few days after Christmas her husband and a mutual friend stopped by my house. Weird, but her hubby is still kinda friends with my s/o so whatever. What made it really strange is he brought a Christmas gift with him, for me, from S. Not to sound snobby but it was a cheap bag a dollar store trinkets, nothing special... I figured maybe there would be some sort of card in there asking to talk or something, but no. I texted her saying thank you for the gift and she never responded.

 

So this brings us back to this past Saturday. It had been a few months since I did her hair and at this point, I can't really care less any more. If she contacted me, I'd be kind, but I am DONE reaching out. All relationships are 50/50, even friendships. So anyways I'm rambling. So I was at school this Saturday, and who do I see but S standing at the door. I was a bit taken aback but thought maybe she made an appointment with me to talk/get her hair done?

 

Nope. She made an appointment with someone else. And I know she did because I had no appointments that day, and when you call my school to make an appointment they ask if you would like to rebook with who you had last, because they want us students to learn how to get a good loyal clientle.

 

I'm pissed. She goes to the same salon that she's went to for years, she's a loyal client there. I was the one who even introduced her to my school. She had no reason to come. So I tell a teacher I'm close to how uncomfortable this situation is for me, and she tells me to be professional and maintain my distance. So I do.

 

I texted her after she left (mind you she actively avoided me the whole time and didn't even glance in my direction) saying "that was weird...." she didn't respond. I talked to my friend at school about it and she said "are you sure she's not bipolar or something? This isn't normal behavior."

 

A few hours later, as a last resort, I texted her this : "Hey, I don't know what today was about, but that was weird. I'm Kind've offended you didn't book an appointment with me. I know things are weird between us, but if somethings going on and you wanna talk to me you know you can. I'm not a b*tch and I'm not gonna just ignore you or refuse to talk about stuff. I was just tired of putting all the effort into our friendship."

 

She never responded. I still feel the same way I do, if she reached out I wouldn't be rude, but I would keep my eyes open. I just don't know how to read this behavior. I honestly feel she just came to my school to bug me. Thoughts?

[SpottiOtti]

I don't think she came to the school to bug you; I think when she went and you did her hair, it probably gave her the idea that she could get her hair done there and save money. As for why she didn't book with you . . . it's probably awkward for her too and it sounds like she is NOT good at accepting blame at all for any kind of situation. So she avoided you altogether.

 

I think it's good you sent the text and put it out there how you felt; but unfortunately it sounds like she is not mature enough to have any kind of conversation with you about the falling apart of the friendship. A lot of people are crappy friends and do not know how to weather friendship storms; she is evidently one of them. You tried, you did the best you could, and you reached out. She isn't in a place where she can be a friend to you anymore, and that's her shiz, not yours. It's time to let it go completely; delete her number, all of that. You can make a clean break with friends too, not just romances.

[Tayla92]

She sounds extremely rude, stop trying to contact her or make any effort into re-connecting because what's the point if she's not going to put any effort in at all??

[oitnb]

The thing is my school isn't much cheaper than salons because it's a well down brand. In fact in some situations it cost more, especially our deep conditioners and that's what she got that day. (I wasn't following her around, I saw her walking with a cap on) so the whole save a buck excuse doesn't really fly. And also she's been fiercely loyal to her hair stylist for years.

 

I'm definitely never contacting her again though and if she wanted to be friends again I'd expect a full apology.

[oitnb]

She sounds extremely rude, stop trying to contact her or make any effort into re-connecting because what's the point if she's not going to put any effort in at all??

 

Oh I'm not. I wasn't even worried about her anymore until she showed up at my school. It's just hard when you've been friends with someone for nearly ten years and they pull crap like this.

[Willywagtail]

Who knows why she came to the school and had her hair done by someone else?

 

Obviously she feels uncomfortable with you, is my guess, but only she can know her real motivation.

 

Let it go.

 

Easier said that done I know, but you'll never know why she is the way she is, and your past experience with her has not been positive, even though it has lasted 10 years.

 

Friends come and friends go - I understand that it hurts, but it's time to let this one go and not dwell on the reasons.

 

Take your cue from her, if you see her, smile and be polite.

[itsallgrand]

^that's what I was thinking too. That she isn't doing it out of any maliciousness, but she just isn't capable at this time to be the kind of friend who really considers how things may feel and come accross to you. She comes accross as immature. And is probably scared to talk to you because she doesn't know how to actually deal with these things - so she does silly things like send the present with her hubby, and show up at your school but avoid you, and not answer your texts.

 

I think you did good as far as reaching out and trying. You have been a good friend. And people do remember that - sometimes it takes them 5-10 years - but most do, even if they never say it. But you would be surprised how many come back to express appreciation down the line. And by that time you will be thinking "oh? really? that's good. but I haven't thought about that in ages."

 

Anyways, I think you have exhausted the options here with her. Sorry that you are dealing with this.

[catfeeder]

I don't think she came to the school to bug you; I think when she went and you did her hair, it probably gave her the idea that she could get her hair done there and save money. As for why she didn't book with you . . . it's probably awkward for her too and it sounds like she is NOT good at accepting blame at all for any kind of situation. So she avoided you altogether.

 

This is exactly what I think. She's been an awful friend for quite some time, and she knows it. That doesn't mean she's willing to admit it. In fact, the biggest problem with a stubborn person who's gone wrong is that they only know how to keep compounding the problem--which adds more layers of guilt and denial to the mix.

 

That's not about you. She's like a bull in a china shop, and you've been a convenient scapegoat until you started pushing back. That's not about you, either--it's her problem. Let her live with it. Your willingness to keep your door open is generous and smart, because you can let go now without feeling that you've cultivated an enemy. Her lousy behavior is her own to deal with, and if she ever matures into someone who can forgive herself first, and then come back around to seek you out, then great. Otherwise, you've already done your share of grieving the loss of the person you once knew and loved.

 

Head high, and put your focus forward.