BoredUp Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 My boyfriend and I have a super active sex life, but now I'm wanting to take a break from it. Not just a couple days, but weeks, if not months off. I have my reasons, they're mainly... I don't want to get pregnant (birth control isn't an option, so we solely use condoms) and his freaking out if we don't have sex every day is starting to annoy me. We've been dating for 5 months and have been super careful with the condoms, except for one thing... he puts the condom on right before he's about to cum instead of starting out with it. He always cums before I do and then apologizes for not being able to last long. I don't really care either way, I'm tough to figure out in bed anyway and I'm used to not reaching orgasm with a partner. Anyway, when I talked to him about putting a condom on right from the start and about how precum can get me pregnant, he told me his precum was always clear and that we've been doing this good so far and that he would miss feeling me, but I eventually got him to agree to put the condom on next time. He's not the biggest guy, so I'm kind of scared the condom might slip off during the whole event too. He wants to hang out this weekend (and have sex of course) and I just seriously want a break from the sex. Luckily, I have my period, so I can use that as an excuse this time to buy me time, but I really need to figure out a way to approach this and just let him know I need a break somehow. My other plan was just to avoid him until he figures out I'm just not on the same page as him and let the fighting, whining and drama begin. I'd rather deal with all of that than risk getting pregnant anyday. He's the only person in my life right now, I gave up all my friends and hobbies to be with him (he's super needy) and so now I'm kind of stuck. He totally bores me to tears, but he has his really good points too, so I do love him and care about him alot. What do you think I should do? By the way, this is my first time here and my first post, so hi everyone and thanks so much in advance for responding! Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Whoa there are so many issues here than just sex. You are plating with fire and I'm surprised you haven't fallen pregnant yet! Why can't you look into other BC? There will be other options for you to explore. If he doesn't like wearing condoms tough if he wants to have sex he wears one. I think the bigger issue here is your relationship which is causing you to back away from him. Why did you give up everything good in your life just to be with this man? That is so unhealthy in many ways. You need to have your own life apart from your boyfriend. One because that's healthy and normal and two because you'll drive each other mad. His neediness unattractive and his issue not yours. You have a right to your own life away from him. If you have some downtime with your friends and people outside your relationship it will give you the time and freedom to ignite that drive within you. When sex becomes a routine and a chore you lose the passion and excitement it brings. Also when you start to feel a lack of drive for your other half it points to a bigger issue at hand. I would seriously consider what this man has to offer and that you are isolating yourself from other aspects of your life which is causing you to feel this way. Link to comment
Clinton Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 I think you and your boyfriend need to educate yourself about sex and birth control. It's a miracle you aren't knocked up already. That aside, you really don't seem to like him that much so do everyone a favor and drop him. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Oh man, you need to go get educated on sex and sexual matters and then take responsibility for your own body. If he doesn't like, hit the road. You can't see sperm with the naked eye, seriously you can't. And yet, it's there okay? And I have had two different friends get pregnant using the whole rhythm (and blues) method, because yeah although the guy pulled out before ejaculating the sperm was already in there doing it's job. Not to mention the risk of passing on unwanted gifts to your partner. It's your body, not his. He doesn't like it? Too bad. Tell him no glove, no love. And if he leaves then you know what the relationship was all about to begin with. Actually, I'm not sure why you even bother staying in a relationship you are so clearly uncomfortable and disrespected in, in the first place. If you're already looking for a way to get away from the guy for months then the writing is on the wall. It's over. You seem afraid to admit it and to end things and move on and you're time would be better spent exploring why you have that fear and how to handle it, so that it and someone else don't control your life. Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Yikes...he's not the brightest bulb in the tree, is he? Like everyone else, I am surprised you haven't gotten pregnant yet. His pre-cum is always clear? LOL...how would he know that? Just because nothing has happened so far? That's so irresponsible it's frightening! And sorry to say, but you are enabling this by allowing him to have sex under the circumstances. How about you tell him a firm NO and mean it? Condom first then sex. No condom no sex. Period. You don't need to look for excuses, it's your body and only you decide what goes in it and how. What about STDs? You had basically zero protection from that! You need a forever break from this guy, being with him sounds like a major waste of time. Link to comment
BoredUp Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 You guys helped more than you'll ever know. Thanks for all the consistent and fast feedback! I ended up showing him this and he still insisted that he was being super careful or "it felt that way", he said. And when I told him I didn't want anything to do with sex until I figured out another option (we were talking online), he went idle and never came back. Guess I got my answer. I'm SO GLAD I didn't get pregnant and I feel SO DUMB right now. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Look into norplant or an IUD if the pill isn't working out. Also, as others have stated, there is sperm in precum. Your BF is uninformed or doesn't care. BTW, if you don't like this guy anymore, then leave him. Asking him for a break from sex will just confuse him and he'll look elsewhere. Drama will result. Link to comment
BoredUp Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 he literally just broke up with me 3 days later. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 What was plan between the two of you, if this had resulted in a pregnancy? Link to comment
BigKK Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Never give up friends and hobbies for anyone! Next time someone tries to isolate you like that, then run. Glad no babies came from this, but definitely a learning experience!! Link to comment
Iggles Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 he literally just broke up with me 3 days later. OP! You dodged a major bullet!! That guy was an immature, selfish brat! Reconnect with your friends and apologize profusely for disappearing. Don't ever let a guy isolate you from your friends! They are your support system and you are theirs. Look out and be good to one another. Furthermore, don't settle for unsatisfying sex. He was getting off everyday and throwing fits when he didn't have access to your vagina (real classy of him!). But you weren't getting anything out of it. Sex and coercion is not a healthy mix. Link to comment
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