advice to cheaters looking for forgiveness

[annieo]

My husband of 20+ years betrayed me. It has been a long and hard road to forgiveness. I think that over time he has figured out what I have needed and has been willing to do whatever it takes for me to feel secure and loved. I thought that I would give some ideas of what has worked for us to anyone who has cheated and wants to be forgiven and is willing to do anything for the person you hurt.

 

1. Answer any questions. Don't give more information than asked for but be willing to answer each and every question.

2. Tell only the truth. Don't lie even about the smallest unrelated thing. Every word out of your mouth needs to be the truth.

3. Make your life an open book. Give all your passwords etc over. Be willing to have all your e-mail read. The more open you are the less they will need to look.

4. Be patient. Just because you are really, really sorry and will never ever do anything again understand that it will take time for your spouse to recover.

5. Encourage your spouse to talk to you about anything and everything on their mind. You may not want to hear it but they need to say it. The more that I held in the worse I felt. Once my husband was willing to hear the things that were bothering me I felt better. If I didn't express something it just remained on my mind and made me feel worse.

6. Be sensitive of things that will bring your betrayal to mind. When watching TV and movies you will often see one person cheating on another. It always made me sad. Now however my husband will reach for my hand and say, "I am so sorry". That he acknowledges my pain lessens it.

7. Call often. Especially in the beginning. Just call and say, "I'm thinking of you".

8. Be where you say you will be. Don't be mysterious.

9. Explain what led you to do what you did. But, admit that no matter what led you to it doesn't excuse it. Cheating wasn't the right solution. You chose a totally selfish act to solve some issue in your relationship. Discuss how you will handle future problems.

 

You can't imagine the pain caused when the person you most trust betrays you so if you want to have trust again you have to do whatever it will take. Ask what they need. Give them time.

Our marriage is better than it has been in years. Good luck!

[tiger_lilies]

Good words of advice Annieo. Thanks for that!

[PrincessLinzay]

Good to see someone post what could be done to recover from infidelity.

 

Great Post!

[sayer7]

It's refreshing to see someone who loves enough to be persistent and do their part to try to forgive someone rather than giving up and making it impossible for a person to find forgiveness.

 

Thanks for the insights...

[Mun]

Good post Annie. Lot's of good suggestions here.

[peanut15]

Thank you for your post. Its been a little over 6 months since I found out and I still hurt so much. #6 especially hurt me the most in the beginning because everything I saw on tv reminded me of my husband and the other woman. Although my husband didn't do the same thing your husband did, I am happy with the fact that there was a man in someone else's life that was sensitive to that fact.

 

Good luck to you.