I WANT OUT....please help

[SugarSweetness407]

Alright..This is really hard for me, but i am trying to break up with my boyfriend of 19 months. For a really long time now we fight constantly, to the point where i don't even want to be around him anymore, because I know sooner or later it will turn into an argument. Not just a little argument, it has got physical at times, and then the emotional abuse comes out, and by the time we both calm down, i feel like i have lost my mind.

 

I am not going to tell you that I probably didn't have anything to do with the arguments, but the thing with my boyfriend is, is that he is extremely controling, to the point where he hates my family, my best friend and every other support system i have. He is overly critical of all of my friends and even my family. I feel at times he wishes he could get me away from them, so he can have me all to himself, and just control everything i do.

 

The problem i am having now is, that the week after Christmas we broke up because he made a comment to my grandmother, about how she baby's me and that im going to turn out just as screwed up as my mother, now not only did he hurt my grandmother, he hurt me too. I didn't see him for that week, we had plans for new years and i didn't go with him, and then i finally broke down and saw him (which was very stupid). I wanted to try it again, even though there are sooo many RED FLAG on why i should stay away, i just couldn't. The first day we hung out it was wonderful, but as the time went on, i found him doing the same things he was doing before, and even though i wanted to come back with an open mind, he sucked me back in and we went right back to fighting like crazy, to the point where i felt like i was losing my mind.

 

He yet hasn't apologized about the comment he made about my mother, in fact he blames it on my grandmother, because he says,"she's always sticking her nose into our business." Keep in mind he was screaming at me in her driveway in the middle of town and all she told him was to lower his voice.

 

I know i need to leave, and its so easy to say, that this time i really am going to do it, and i really want to because for the last 19 months its been the same thing. and the other day he told me that i don't even do anything for this relationship.

 

However, he wants to get an apartment together, we fight like cats and dogs yet he wants to live together, which is something i don't really understand. But he justifies it by saying i think it will help us, and its something we really need. I haven't been able to commit to it because i know its not what i want. I am happy where I am right now, and I have a lot of other things to focus on right now than moving in with him.

 

A few months ago my father was in a really bad 4-wheeling accident, and he was in a coma for 3 weeks and in the trauma unit of the hospital, he is better, but living in a nursing home now with a serious brain injury. I am trying to go to school, work, look after my father ( im the only child my parents are divorced and i have to take care of all his bills and whatnot) plus try to have a life for myself. And he just doesn't get that, he hasn't been compassionate or even empathetic about the whole situation since it happened, in fact there are many times when i tried to have a conversation with him about it, and he just tells me i shouldn't cry, i shouldn't be angry i should just get over it because its my reality, which is true but sometimes you want your "partner" to just be there for a shoulder to cry on (am I wrong?)

 

I feel that i have just completely lost myself throughout this whole relationship, he just takes everything he can get from me, and says well i see other people walk all over you, and sometimes i just figure she lets other people do it, so i might as well do it too.

 

I feel like such a fool, i used to watch talk shows about girls that had boyfriends like this, and would always think they are so stupid why don't they just leave, but now that i am one i realize that its just not that easy. And part of me thinks that the only reason i really did go back was because he was my comfort zone, ironically i don't even feel comfortable around him.

 

Its alright when i am angry, but then the sadness sets in and the guilt and i feel like i should go back, because he really doesn't have anyone. I mean he could because everyone (his whole family and even mine) have tried to help him get on his feet (recovering drug addict/alcoholic) but he just takes from everyone until they have nothing left to give, and then he just tells them to F off.

 

I don't know i just really wanted to share my feelings right now, and any advice would be wonderful, i just need a way to just stay away for real this time, because i have been given so many chances and i don't want to do it anymore, i love him but i just can't be with him anymore, and it hurts so bad to say that, but he is impossible to be with when everytime i turn around he hurts me.

Thanks.....

[DragonGirl724]

wow! these are some serious issues. my sister had an ex kinda like this & it was dicusting. he was psychotic & harassing & suicidal when she dumped him. do u fear him? are u scared of him harming you or your family when you cut him loose? TAKE NOTICE I SAID "WHEN" & NOT "IF". if need be get a restraining order on him if thats the case!

 

you have to end this & u know it! keep your inner strength!! you & your family deserve better than this creep!! i wouldnt tolerate ANYONE harassING MY FAMILY!!! & neither should you! put them first!! do it for them! they love you he doesnt. no GUY has any right to talk to you or them in that way!!

 

read your profile; Breakaway is right!! the only person that can change 'the now' is you! do it before things get uglier. hes abusive & thats absolutly intolerable! wake up! get out before he does any more damage! dont feel bad about doing it! feel bad that youre allowin him to treat you & your family who loves you like this!!!

 

its good you came here. its scary that people have these issues on a daily basis & dont seek help. stick around & drop this loser!!! HE HAS NOTHING GOOD TO OFFER YOU!!!

 

we're here to help you.

but make this commitment to yourself that you WILL DITCH THIS GUY!!!

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

love yourself! once you relize how important it is to do so you will look back at this & be like what the hell was i thinking????

 

-DG724

[melrich]

Read the article attached to this link.

 

You are not foolish and you are not alone. People like your boyfriend exist and they find their victims in all walks of life. You will find this article illuminating and helpful.

 

 

link removed

[DragonGirl724]

good link to share w/ her Rich. i was at a loss for words when i read her post. im sure your link will do her some justice.

 

-DG724

[SugarSweetness407]

I know you are so totally right, and thanks for the advice. I used to be scared of him, he would threatin to burn down my house, or hurt me in some way, but that's stopped, he just gets really angry. But believe me, if he even steps foot on my property my grandfather already said he would have him arrested.

 

They don't trust him, and i don't either, he is so unpredictable and his mood changes with the weather, to the point where im walking on egg shells when i am around him, and thats when everyone is like, "You don't need to walk on egg shells to be happy" which is true.

 

Its just good to have other peoples view on this, i mean i have recently kind of steped out of the situation and i can see now, that none of it is healthy for me, even him. But at this point, i can no longer look out for him, if he wants to be selfish and immature and fight because i want to hang out with my best friend and not see him that day, then thats his deal i guess.

 

But no im not afraid anymore, i can't be...i just need to be strong and BREAKAWAY!

[SugarSweetness407]

Thank you for the link....that fits him perfectly. thank you soo much!

[DragonGirl724]

But no im not afraid anymore, i can't be...i just need to be strong and BREAKAWAY!

 

we're behind you all the way!!! if you need to; please get the police involved. he sounds like a ticking time bomb. we wish u all the best. i had to deal w/ 'one of these' guys before. my sister's ex from years ago. she was scared to dump him & he started to harass me. we had to change our # & luckily we live in a private community & he lived states away w/ no car! I HOPE HE STAYS AWAY FROM YOU & YOUR FAMILY! please keep us posted. we'll be thinking of you.

 

-DG724

[melrich]

Good luck. You will be OK and happy again soon. Let us know how things turn out.

[SugarSweetness407]

He emailed me today...i read it ( i know bad move) but all it said was to come and see him at noon. I didn't !!!!!!!! but that didn't stop him from calling my house every 3 minutes and hanging up on my grandfather everytime he answered the phone.

 

It might be a little bit more easier than i thought it would be...seeing that he is acting like a child...and is harassing my family now...that will completely help me stay away.

 

well i just wanted to fill you in..on my wonderful life....thank you all so much for listening

[DragonGirl724]

good 4 u for not taking his crap! youll find someone amazing one day! how did you break up with him, details...due share.

 

-DG724

[SugarSweetness407]

Well i basically just stopped talking to him...The week after Christmas, we got into that fight and he walked off, and the next day he called acting like nothing was wrong. I wouldn't talk to him i would just hang up the phone, and then he would email me, and i know it was stupid but i would read it.

 

I told him i had a lot of thinking to do, and i wanted to be alone, until the one day i was online and he IMED me asking if i could pick him up from school, at this point i was sad and vulnerable so i agreed. (No he doesn't have a car, i actually just gave him my dad's truck...he's supposed to be making $100 a week payments...I KNOW STUPID IDEA!!!) I wanted to see him, and that was the day we got back together, it was wonderful, like it always is when we get back together.

 

Then the next day, it was alright, but i am at the point where i am scared to even say anything to him about what is happening in my life, so when i told him that i was going on saturday to pick up my bestfriend from the airport, i thought he would flip, but he was fine...he actually said that he had plans too. Well when friday came around, thats when our first fight happened...i don't even know what it was about all i know is that there were hurtful things that were said. and he never lets me leave, to just walk away and collect my thoughts. he usually gets up and gets in my face and if i make it to my car, i will lock the doors because i am scared..and he will threatin to break my window...he never has but who's to say he wont. i usually unlock the door in fear.

 

Our argument that night lasted forever...to the point where i felt like i was losing my mind, then he brought in my friend and how i shouldn't have to go to the airport to get her and all this other crap, when just a few days ago he was fine with it. Not to mention that night he really didn't have plans he was going to go out and most likely do drugs, but for some reason he didn't go..after the argument he talked me into staying over night even though i knew i wasn't allowed, his mom was out of town, and he ALWAYS has to get his way. I let him know that i was supposed to pick up my friend at the airport at 4 in the afternoon, and i had stuff to do in the morning before i left. I didn't get home until 2:30 because he just wanted me there, and then i got very anxious, and then i start to get upset because whenever i plan on doing something, i usually never get it done because he is so demanding.

 

Well we had plans to meet at 9 at night to hang out and watch a movie, he was supposed to spend the afternoon with his mom, they were going to see a movie and out to dinner, when i got to his house at 9...he was in a really bad mood...and wanted to go do something. i told him i was tired and just thought we would watch the movie...he didnt like that and another argument and that was horrible. he just kept calling me names, telling me how my family was stupid and talking about how it wasn't necessary for me to go pick up my friend. there is just so much hostility with him, and he is so critical of everyone. Then he started in with the name calling, i just sat there at this point there was no reason for me to answer him back and try to defend myself, when everything i said was a lie to him.....

 

Sunday was alright he was fine, like usual but then monday came, and it was okay too, until he asked me to borrow money so he could get the truck that i gave him on the road. I told him i didn;t have it and he freaked out....so i just said okay.

 

So then on tueday when i was sick and he freaked out on me again because he thought i was lying about not feeling well, which most likely he has caused...He yelled at me again because i didn't commit on living with him and that i am every name in the book. he actually got out of the car and walked in the house...and that is when i left. And i haven't talked to him since.

 

So how we broke up...well i just kind of been ignoring him. and if he calls my house again and my family answers the phone they are calling the cops. Because all day today..like i said before.. he would just call and when someone answered...he would just sit there than hang up...my family is scared of him and they don't trust him..and its so hard to believe how blind i have been to the stuff that he has been doing. and the brainwashing that he has done...making me believe that my family are the wrong ones and that my bestfriend is a BI**H.

 

I just want to thank everyone who has read my story and responded. And i will kept you all informed on what is happening. Thank you...

[DragonGirl724]

im glad u broke out of this unhealthy relationship. i hope he gets the messege & leaves you & your family alone.

 

best in life to you,

-DG724

[SugarSweetness407]

Well today has been good... No harassing phone calls at all so that is a plus!

 

Just wanted to fill you all in...thanks for everything

[Gracelove]

You are right to want to get out of the relationship.

Stay as far away from him as you can.

I wish I could express how hard recovering from an abusive relationship is. I truly believe that the sooner you get out of the relationship, the better.

Please do that for yourself, stay away.

So he has no one.....? It doesn't matter. I know how you feel because I fell into that trap. You are probably a really caring person who hates to think of someone being unhappy, espicially if you can prevent it somehow.

Let him go. You don't want him to drain you. Save your energy to help those you really need and want you help.

Hang in there okay. Not with him but in general.

[teacup]

There's a reason why abusers dont have anyone else!! Because they drive people away with their selfish, hurtful, abusive, torturing actions, mind games and pain!! Noone wants to be around that. No one. Good and healthy people leave as soon as they see it and experience it.

 

Hell, I felt so sorry for the X but who cares if he's alone? Look what he did to me!! Look how he destroyed my life and drove everyone away from ME.

 

if you stay, you will be completely isolated, alone and in pain. that is what you will receive from him for trying to be a good samaritan.