I'm not over my ex even though i love my current boyfriend.

[chelsuh]

I dated my ex for two years. It ended up being two years of lies that I kept on believing. He would lie straight to my face. I would call him out on things, things I already knew the answer to.. that never changed his answer. He would tell me he didn’t know why he did it while he was crying and promising I wouldn’t happen again.. I would pay for everything. I didn’t mind though because I loved him. At one point it was so bad that he was hanging out with a girl behind my back and she tattooed their initials in a heart on his hip.. My ex told me it was the initials for his grandparents. He had that lie going for over 6 months.

I loved him.

At the end of our relationship he lied saying he didn’t do anything with this one girl. I ended up catching him in his lie. Telling me they were just friends, and then me showing a list of girls on his phone he had and her being on there and him admitting it was a list of girls he fingered. I started balling while he sat there with his head down. There were so many lies, and the last day I ever talked to him I was balling my eyes out telling him I had no idea how I was going to get over him. While he just sat there. The only way I could actually let him go was for him to tell me he wanted to end it. I couldn’t do it, even after everything. A few months after our relationship ended I realized I had been dating a sociopath.

Now.. 8 months later im 6 months into a new relationship. We dated for a month just to make sure things were going smoothly. This guy is perfect. He has a real job, a real car, and knows how to treat a girl. He’s smart, kind, sweet, and honestly cares about me. I don’t have to think twice about if he really loves cause me I know he does, and i love him too. But.. Recently I’ve been thinking about my ex. Even though I should love this guy to pieces, I know I still loved my ex more. And I probably won’t ever love him as much. This is tearing me apart. I want to love him more than anyone else, but I can’t. I keep hoping this feeling will pass.

I sometimes start thinking that maybe if my boyfriend just tried a little less… id care more about him, that if he played a little hard to get I’d be crazy about him. But I’ve realized I want him to be like my ex to drive me crazy.

Whats wrong with me..?

[Ms Darcy]

You weren't dating a sociopath. You were dating a liar and a cheater.

 

The right thing to do is break up with your bf, be single, and get yourself some therapy. Your bf deserves better.

[trust101]

Some people crave drama. I don't think this is entirely bad, after all, who want's a boring, monotonous life. But, it should exhilarate you not wreak havoc on your life. I also think it should touch every aspect of your emotional umbrella but from what you have written, there is just too much despondency than joy with your ex. Should be the other way around. Find a way to be passionate about your new guy. Do crazy, out of the ordinary things you wouldn't normally do or even contemplate, together. If you're still pondering over your ex, at least you know your new guy doesn't mean much to you so you can then spare his feelings & no longer lead him on. Then, as Ms Darcy said, work on yourself & why you are still missing your ex relationship that was toxic for you.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I don't think you need therapy, I think you need to allow your boyfriend to be who he is and learn to appreciate that this is a new book, with a new story, and a new cover. You are trying to re-live what could have been instead of living what is. If your boyfriend does something nice, appreciate it. If he does something too nice, tell him straight up that it's too much so he knows to pull back a little. Your mind appears to want to repeat the unpleasant unknowns so you feel like you are chasing your boyfriend, but instead of wishing you were chasing him, be appreciative that you don't have to and now work on how to do things with someone you finally have synergy with.

 

I really think once you get used to the ease of working with someone you can trust and have little drama with, the more you'll begin to accept that in your life and really appreciate it. If you don't, it's just a matter of time until you find someone more like your ex, or even worse get back with your EX, and then you'll be back here wondering why you threw away something really good. Someone like your current boyfriend may never come back around if you focus on having a bad-boy in your life.

[chickadeedee]

>>I know I still loved my ex more.

 

I don't think you loved your ex more, I think you were chasing a carrot on a stick in the midst of a lot of drama. Drama can be very exciting and addicting, such that when you get a 'normal' guy who loves you he feels 'flat' in comparison to all the high drama and excitement of chasing a lying, cheating ex and trying to rehabilitate him. Your ex was your special little project and it failed, but I'm sure it was quite high drama and adrenaline while it was happening.

 

It is easy to confuse excitement and drama with love. Especially if you come from a background where your family of origin had parents who were alcoholics, addicts, mentally ill, emotionally remote or any number of other dramatic but unhealthy relationships. You need to learn what love is, and learn the value of a stable normal relationship rather than being addicted to the drama of a bad one.

 

I would consider therapy to talk about it with a professional before you dump a good man like your current BF.

[SooSad33]

"Now.. 8 months later im 6 months into a new relationship."

- You were in a long term relationship, that was damaging in many ways.

What you needed was some serious 'down time' to work on yourself and get yourself back together, emotionally & mentally. But you didn't.

You should have taken at least 6+ months off, on your own to work on accepting & healing from your break up. On top of that, some therapy would have helped you out in some positive ways, here.

 

"I want to love him more than anyone else, but I can’t. I keep hoping this feeling will pass."

- How about loving yourself?

I don't feel you actually 'love' him. It's more 'lust'. You're excited over a new, nicer man and this is only the 'honeymoon phase'.

 

What's wrong with you? You haven't dealt with your past. Your last relationship so it's creeping up on you now. You're comparing them, etc.

 

What to do? for starters, i suggest some prof help. therapy?

No guarentee this relaionship will hold up, should you end up falling apart or something. Then you'll have 2 BU's to workon getting over.

 

Do be careful here. Think of some therapy and take it easy.

[catfeeder]

Now.. 8 months later im 6 months into a new relationship.

 

If this is the case, then you didn't allow enough time to grieve your ex and get over him before taking up with new guy--which explains why he didn't stand a shot. He's rebound guy, and that's too bad.