Not sure how to break up with live-in fiancee

[Nevermora]

My fiancee and I have been together for five years since our senior year in high school. Fresh out of school he had no job, wasn't going to college and still lived with his parents. I endured that with him for a year while I was a college freshman. He eventually got a job in his cousins business. Part time. Although he's taken a years worth of classes between then and now, going to school even for a vocation is like pulling teeth with him. Once enrolled, he did little to no work. I know it was wrong of me, but last semester I did all of his course assignments in addition to my own. It's as if I took 20 hours in one semester. We've only been living together for six months now, and during the move he expressed constant uneasiness about leaving his parents house. (all of his other siblings didn't leave until they were in their thirties or still live there. With their children!) His family is completely toxic. I had hoped that space from them would help him get through his constant indecisiveness. He would always talk about where he wanted us to be x amount of years from now and I thought we would make progress. I was wrong. Now he doesn't even talk about our future anymore. Romance is non-existent unless I seem openly mad at him. All he wants to do is work three days a week (no more than that) and spend all of his time and money on video games and visiting his family. He proposed without a ring, but that same year bought himself a 900 dollar gaming pc. When I finally got my ring five months ago, it didn't even feel special, as I had to walk him through the whole proposal. I'm tired of raising this grown man. I'm ready for him to get out of my life, but he has an aggressive temper. I really don't care WHERE he goes anymore, only that he leaves and preferably within 24-48 hours of my asking. Any advice on how to just get him moved out without involving my guy friends or the police? I just need to convince him to move out. The breakup can happen after he's done that.

[rosephase]

Tell him you want some space ask him if he would be willing to spend a few days living back with his family. When he leaves pack up all his stuff, change the locks, and drop his things off at his folks house and explain your done. It's not the most humane way of dumping someone but if you're worried you won't be able to get him out it's a good option. Is he on the lease? It might be harder if he is on the lease.

[itsallgrand]

Are you very attached to where you live? I'm not too clear on the details of the living situation - is he paying his full rent? Is he on the lease? Did he move into your apartment?

 

But one thought that came to mind, if you are simply done as dinner and want him out of your life and you know it, is to maybe look into a new living situation for yourself too. Maybe find a new apartment. That way, there is no fight about getting him out. You can simply give him some sufficient notice, and if he can stay if he wants (and can cover rent himself). Or not. But it won't be a showdown over getting him out of the apartment.

[AutumnBorn]

If you really don't want to involve anybody else and he's not on the lease, simply say this: I realize that I've been pressuring you into things you aren't ready for - the engagement & living together and I'm sorry for that, I really am. I'd like for us to take a step back and reset, take things slower. I don't think we should live together until after we're married.

 

I'd encourage him to go out with friends and have fun, thereby pulling away slowly.

 

Good luck.

[Apples18]

I would pack all of his things for him and have them ready for him when he comes home and just tell him you need space to think about things and ask him to return to his parents. His attachment to his parents house may help him make the move too. Do not settle for anything less than what you need from a spouse. It seems like you already are compromising too much and giving up things that you need for your own happiness. Your heart and head are telling you to do this, find the courage and take the time to think about it all when he is gone.

[Snny]

Once enrolled, he did little to no work. I know it was wrong of me, but last semester I did all of his course assignments in addition to my own. It's as if I took 20 hours in one semester.

Ok, not only did you and him commit academic dishonesty where it can affect your future careers, but you have now taught him that he doesn't have to do anything because you will do it for him. All he has to do is sit on his ass and play video games while you do the work for and around him. How do you expect him to function in the REAL WORLD if he cannot get his own work done? In fact, how is his behavior helping your marriage?

 

He proposed without a ring, but that same year bought himself a 900 dollar gaming pc. When I finally got my ring five months ago, it didn't even feel special, as I had to walk him through the whole proposal.

This is why I don't take proposals without a ring seriously. I have been proposed without a ring... But it was the spur of the moment and the first guy who proposed wasn't serious.

 

I'm tired of raising this grown man. I'm ready for him to get out of my life, but he has an aggressive temper.

He is not an adult if he cannot behave like one. He is a child.

 

As for your question, unless his name is on the lease, get the police. Do not involve your friends in your relationship drama.

[Nevermora]

I really appreciate all of the insights. My mother is the landlord of the building and my name is the only one on the lease. She's already stated that she's willing to discount the rent a bit more for me until I can find full time work, if I do decide to break up with him. Which I definitely will.

 

The only reason I stuck it out for this long has honestly been due to my one and a half year long unemployment where I couldn't even get enough financial aid to attend classes despite my high GPA. The last couple of years have been very tough and he did cover my expenses through them. However, I now understand that I can't use that as an excuse for his current behavior and lack of emotional maturity. Snny hit the nail right on the head. So I think once thanksgiving has passed and I've begun my holiday job, I will ask him to spend a week at his parents to give me some space. If he objects, I may just go ahead and end it right then and there. If he agrees to go, when he returns I'll have his things packed and just let him know I don't think we're ready to live together and that he should move back in with his family. I have men interested in me but I've lost the will to date for now, so I can make a steady, drama-free break from him once he's moved out.

 

My only concern is that it's already snowing here in the Midwest and I'll be evicting him from a third-floor apartment in the wintertime.... -_-