ship Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Hello guys, It's soon going to be 3 months since my ex dumped me, my story here: . Around 2 months ago I met a girl and we have been seeing each other every weekend, it quickly went from hanging out in the afternoon to sleeping in the same bed cuddling and talking every day (the first time I slept with her was because it got too late and staying there was easier than going back home, since then it became something of every weekend). I like her, she is smart and we have a lot of interests in common, I enjoy a lot being around her but somehow I'm having a hard time making the first steps. It's like if I didn't really wanted anything to happen there. She has given me all the right signals, but I haven't made ANY steps, not even a kiss! Although it would be the easiest thing in the world to do! Yesterday she was giving me a back massage in the morning after waking up and then laid facing me really close, almost like yelling with her eyes "kiss me motherf**cker" but I just laid there, frozen, incapable of moving my head 10 centimeters and kiss her. I felt like a total as*hole... I don't know what's wrong with me? I am obviously not healed of my past relationship, today I cried again after a week without doing it. However whenever I'm around this new girl I forget completely of my ex. Would it be wrong to start something with this new woman although I'm not over my ex yet? I have read that this could be a rebound, but is it really a bad idea? Would it help me to heal faster? I have no idea what is the best thing to do in the long term, I don't want to be an as*hole either and break this girl's heart two months later or something... Oh god things were so much easier before getting involved in all this love and relationship rollercoaster... Thanks for reading! Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 You got with her a month after your break up....she is a band aid for your healing process, an emotional crutch,a rebound. Your emotions aren't aligned because you never processed your break up. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 This is why.rebounding is a bad idea. You should really move on from one relationship before trying to start a new one. Helps prevent both sides from getting hurt due to your emotional unavailability. Link to comment
ship Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 Yes she is probably just an emotional band-aid, I have felt a lot better since we started hanging out. She knows all the details of what happened to me though, I haven't kept anything hidden about it, but she doesn't seem to care if I'm over my ex or not. I have been thinking a lot today and perhaps I should tell her what I feel: that even though I like her, it's not a good idea to start having something right now. Or maybe we should just take it very slow? I have read about rebounds before, and I know the general opinion is to stay away from them, but hell it's so hard! specially after being stabbed, stepped on and thrown away by my ex, now that somebody else seeks my affection is like offering water to the thirsty... Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 It is more like YOU are craving affection and attention. You were drowning in your sorrow and she came by. She is your life preserver...and will likely be discarded when you are able to swim alone again. Just because she is allowing herself to be put in this position doesn't make it right. Link to comment
ship Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 It is more like YOU are craving affection and attention. You were drowning in your sorrow and she came by. She is your life preserver...and will likely be discarded when you are able to swim alone again. Just because she is allowing herself to be put in this position doesn't make it right. Yes, what I meant is that I'm the thirsty and she's offering me water, I recognize it. What do you think about trying to slow down and getting to know each other better as friends? I don't really want to tell her to turn around and leave, why would I do that, we enjoy our company a lot. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Look, people who knowingly choose to get into relationships with guys who are still bawling over their exes are kinda idiots who often feel devastated when it ends. Do the right thing. For attention go to your friends and family. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I think you should tell her everything you told us, and then let her know that you think it would be most fair to her if you went solo for awhile and processed the breakup. You'll be in touch when you feel you can offer her what she deserves. If she counters with "But I just want a cuddle/FWB", then as far as I'm concerned she has chosen her own path and all signs are go. She is an adult, and deserves to choose her own path. However, consider what you are cheating yourself out of by not allowing yourself solo time to process the emotions surrounding the breakup. I did that for many years, was so afraid to be alone, and also felt like a dying horse at an oasis in the desert when a new man offered me affection and acceptance. But I can tell you that all the pain you're stuffing in the closet is going to come bursting out someday, perhaps at the most inopportune time, when you thought you were "over it", and wreak havoc on whatever relationship you're in. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 2 months.. not even a kiss. Because you can't 'give' right now. Yes, I'd say you aren't healed. You went for someone who gave you some attention and jumped right in there. Sort of like your 'emotional pillow'. Yes, is wrong to start something right now. I feel you should be honest and tell her you can't do this at this time because you aren't healed right from your BU. Is a rebound ever a good idea? You tell me... Yes, it's tough.. but all you're doing is pushing for something that isn't there. Don't string her along any further with this. YOU need some down time to heal. Take it easy for the next few months. Take care of YOU and work on accepting & healing from your break ups. You can't 'give' if you're not all in it. You need to be mores stable, emotionally & mentally in order to give whole heartedly. One day at a time. Link to comment
ship Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 Thank you guys, I will take your advice. I'll talk to her this weekend about it although it feels like going against my instincts. But I don't want to make a mistake. I have suffered so much with the break up that I'm probably just letting myself be carried through the easiest path. I think you should tell her everything you told us, and then let her know that you think it would be most fair to her if you went solo for awhile and processed the breakup. You'll be in touch when you feel you can offer her what she deserves. If she counters with "But I just want a cuddle/FWB", then as far as I'm concerned she has chosen her own path and all signs are go. She is an adult, and deserves to choose her own path. Thanks for the specific instructions. That's what I will do. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.