abysmal Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I really need some advice on how I can win back the favor of a former friend. We used to talk for hours, we used to spend so much time together.. we were close and would talk about anything. She was a veteran and would call me up when she was having traumatic or depressive episodes and I would listen for hours on the phone and do whatever I could to help her be at ease with her mind and spirit. When she was questioning her self-worth or wanted to talk about her divorce, I was there. I was there to cheer her self-esteem and self-image. And I was there even for the littlest of things. We had a falling out. She was critical of my shyness and would criticize me for not having the courage to ask women out whom I were interested in, and would criticize me for being socially withdrawn in general. She tried to set me up with one of her friends to no avail. I was grateful for her trying to help me in that situation, and told her that I felt like I failed her when the date didn't go as well as planned. Eventually one day after we went looking around at the mall together she just told me that she didn't feel like I brought enough energy to our friendship and that my "problems" with dating and my social life couldn't become hers. Conveniently I guess she had forgotten all those times I was a shoulder to cry on. All those 2 am phone calls. We somewhat reconciled since then, texting her and there, but within the last week she stopped contacting me. I want her to see that I'm making changes and that I am really trying. I could never admit to her face but I am a wreck and completely miserable without her. I don't know if It's romantic or platonic, but I think I love her. My options are.. Show up unannounced at her house and ask if we can talk. Call her phone, Or.. Show up at her place of work and briefly say hello and that I would like for her to call me/tell her that I'm doing well and making changes but miss her friendship. Until I try, moving on is not an option. Not until I give it a hail mary. I just need your opinions about the most viable option.. I really need to try so that my conscience can be clear and I can rest easy knowing I said what needed to be said. Thank you so very much! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 DoNOT show up at her work. Look, it sucks but people out grow each other. It sounds like this friendship has run it course. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 This woman was not your friend! This relationship sounds very one-sided, as she only wants to discuss her own issues. Friends support one another and are not critical. Please try to seek out new friends, and do not reach out to her again. Link to comment
aprilster Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I agree with Hollyj, maybe you should move on and as you seem to be a nice and generous person, you should watch out for people who make use of your kidness for theire own good. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ambushing her at either place would be wrong. Call her --- air your feelings and be willing to let the friendship go. Link to comment
abysmal Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 I would prefer a face to face meeting. Non-confrontational.. just a quick, "hello," and let her know that I miss hearing from her and I miss her phone calls. And that I'm making changes. Quick and polite - no release of anger; non-threatening, and then leave. It may be awkward at work but I think with other people around there will be less emotional tension. But I may, like you said, just consider calling in about a week. After I let it all out though I can forgive and forget. Although she was abusive to a degree, she provided structure like no one else in my life. If anyone has seen any of my previous threads, you can see I have lived a very lonely life and I think I needed those 2 am phone calls as much as she did. So naturally it's hard to let go. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Your personal life has no place at her place of work. Link to comment
abysmal Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Your personal life has no place at her place of work.You're absolutely right. I guess It'll be down to a phone call within a week or so. I wish it didn't have to be this way.. she doesn't seem to understand that friendship is about give and take and that we all have problems we need help with. I tried to be there for her and I guess she doesn't/didn't appreciate it. Link to comment
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