How did I do?

[Aeropro]

Hey there!

 

I recently went on a date with someone I met through a friend. It was pretty much a blind date other than a quick exchange we had last Saturday at a birthday party. We hit it off well and she recommended that we do dinner. We ended up having dinner at a fun, classy restaurant with live music. Needless to say, we had a wonderful conversation full of laughter/getting to know one another. The date lasted about two hours before we left after paying the bill. I insisted on covering it, but she then insisted to pay herself (which I thought was a very courageous and kind gesture on her part as most girls don't). Overall, we each have a lot in common and we brought up that fact quite a bit during the course of the date. At one point, when describing a friend, she made a comment that she loves her friends because they are so different and they each bring something unique to the table, then quickly stopped and said, "but for dating someone I really like people similar to me!".

 

I noticed that she mimiced my movements, at times, (when I would put my arm on my cheek, so would she... when I brushed my hair... so did she), and she laughed quite a bit (we had a very similar sense of humor). We each talked about half of the time which I found quite nice. Usually I do most of the listening on dates, but she working in Human Resources made her much more conversational and interesting than most of the other girls I've been on dates with.

 

After the date, I texted her that I had a great time and that I would love to see her again this Friday for a Halloween event. Before bring that up, I mentioned that She agreed and said she would talk to me this weekend.

 

Overall, I felt very good! What do you guys think? I like the pace that things are going, but am curious as to what to do next. Obviously I am looking forward to seeing her Friday (if she comes out).

[BigKK]

If I was to grade your date, I would give you an A! Nice to hear good dates on here, usually I just face palm after reading them:

 

Date 2, it's up to you. Go to a Halloween party together, don't go to some crazy party, and don't get super drunk. Sounds like she is interested so just be yourself and it'll be fine

[Dybbuk]

Sounds like you did well! I hear that when people 'mirror' each other's mannerisms during a date that is a very good sign... like subconscious body language that you are meshing with that person. If you feel it went well, then trust it went well and follow up with her about the second date. Sounds like it went off without any major hiccups for a first date, and her laughing and reciprocating in conversation are all very good signs that she enjoyed herself as well.

 

Hope it works out for you.

[and so it goes]

Sounds good!

A little confusing though - she paid for the whole dinner or she paid for her "portion"?

[Aeropro]

Sounds good!

A little confusing though - she paid for the whole dinner or she paid for her "portion"?

 

She paid for her portion - sorry. Yeah I had a GREAT time and we really hit it off well. We have a lot in common!

[and so it goes]

^^^ best of luck - play it cool, but not too, too cool. So far so good.

 

Oh, here's a tip, remember something from the conversation you had before and bring it up next time you see her. Example: "oh, I remembered what you were saying about how Paris is beautiful in the spring time so I did a google search on it, you are right, I really want to go there someday too" or "I checked out that author you said you liked, see interesting, I'm going to read his book"

 

Girls love it when you remember what they say - it shows them that you are paying attention which is a weird aphrodisiac for them.

[Aeropro]

^^^ best of luck - play it cool, but not too, too cool. So far so good.

 

Oh, here's a tip, remember something from the conversation you had before and bring it up next time you see her. Example: "oh, I remembered what you were saying about how Paris is beautiful in the spring time so I did a google search on it, you are right, I really want to go there someday too" or "I checked out that author you said you liked, see interesting, I'm going to read his book"

 

Girls love it when you remember what they say - it shows them that you are paying attention which is a weird aphrodisiac for them.

 

Thanks for the advice. I definitely remember a lot since she is such an interesting person! I am not rushing into anything and am just going with the flow... she and I are very similar in that we both have a lot of things to keep ourselves occupied (work, hobbies, etc) so it's good to know that, if we were to eventually become an item, that we'd be strong independently otherwise. When do you guys think I should invite her over for a home-prepared meal without coming off like I'm "looking to get some"... I'm definitely not 'that guy' and, honestly, other than natural sexual tension that occurs between a man who likes a woman, I am more interested in her for 'her' rather than her body, etc. I love cooking and wouldn't mind doing a dinner/movie date, but I wouldn't want to make her feel pressured.

[BigKK]

Thanks for the advice. I definitely remember a lot since she is such an interesting person! I am not rushing into anything and am just going with the flow... she and I are very similar in that we both have a lot of things to keep ourselves occupied (work, hobbies, etc) so it's good to know that, if we were to eventually become an item, that we'd be strong independently otherwise. When do you guys think I should invite her over for a home-prepared meal without coming off like I'm "looking to get some"... I'm definitely not 'that guy' and, honestly, other than natural sexual tension that occurs between a man who likes a woman, I am more interested in her for 'her' rather than her body, etc. I love cooking and wouldn't mind doing a dinner/movie date, but I wouldn't want to make her feel pressured.

 

I wouldn't go for home cooked meal quite, yet but that's just me. I'd leave that for date 3-6 and so on. But everyone is different? You do have mutual friends from my understanding so it isn't a COMPLETE stranger, which at least means she wouldn't be creeped out by it, but I'd keep the dates fun and light in the beginning, hang on to the home cooked meal for a few weeks in my opinion.

 

I don't know what kind of dater you are... but you had dinner last time, maybe something fun this time?

[Aeropro]

I wouldn't go for home cooked meal quite, yet but that's just me. I'd leave that for date 3-6 and so on. But everyone is different? You do have mutual friends from my understanding so it isn't a COMPLETE stranger, which at least means she wouldn't be creeped out by it, but I'd keep the dates fun and light in the beginning, hang on to the home cooked meal for a few weeks in my opinion.

 

I don't know what kind of dater you are... but you had dinner last time, maybe something fun this time?

 

Thanks for the feedback. I agree with you... the first 'soft-date' was at a bday party... the first real date, last night, was dinner... and the next 'soft-date' will again be a party which will be nice. I was thinking something either a bit 'out of the norm' or maybe going for a nice walk somewhere. The falls are beautiful here and maybe we could pick up coffees and go for a walk at a park? Would that be too boring?

[SoulTaker]

Thanks for the feedback. I agree with you... the first 'soft-date' was at a bday party... the first real date, last night, was dinner... and the next 'soft-date' will again be a party which will be nice. I was thinking something either a bit 'out of the norm' or maybe going for a nice walk somewhere. The falls are beautiful here and maybe we could pick up coffees and go for a walk at a park? Would that be too boring?

 

I agree with Big, bringing someone over to your place should be done further down the road, after you learned more about her. You need some regular dates in order to further gauge whether the two of you are compatible, along with further info about her (looking LTR/casual, any "ex's" lurking about, last relationship,...).

[BigKK]

Thanks for the feedback. I agree with you... the first 'soft-date' was at a bday party... the first real date, last night, was dinner... and the next 'soft-date' will again be a party which will be nice. I was thinking something either a bit 'out of the norm' or maybe going for a nice walk somewhere. The falls are beautiful here and maybe we could pick up coffees and go for a walk at a park? Would that be too boring?

 

 

My last dating sequence was Kayaking, Salsa Dancing, Dinner then arcades and drinks, Beach Bonfire, then dinner at my place

 

I'm all for "out of the norm" I hate status quo same old stuff. My current gf said she loved that random fresh dates I took her on, it was very refreshing from the typical "get drinks," date. Granted ,with a fun person ANYTHING can be fun, but why not take the pressure off and make it easier on yourself and your date? A walk to the falls sounds like a good one, you could bring snacks or just grab a coffee. The details don't matter so much as long as you get some good facetime and get to keep getting to know each other

[Aeropro]

My last dating sequence was Kayaking, Salsa Dancing, Dinner then arcades and drinks, Beach Bonfire, then dinner at my place

 

I'm all for "out of the norm" I hate status quo same old stuff. My current gf said she loved that random fresh dates I took her on, it was very refreshing from the typical "get drinks," date. Granted ,with a fun person ANYTHING can be fun, but why not take the pressure off and make it easier on yourself and your date? A walk to the falls sounds like a good one, you could bring snacks or just grab a coffee. The details don't matter so much as long as you get some good facetime and get to keep getting to know each other

 

Yeah I see what you mean. I am a very confident/out-going guy so I can make anything entertaining from my end of things, but I just wanted to be empathetic with how my date would feel. Maybe I'll put the feelers out when I see her on Friday and we can come up with something together.

[John John]

It's always a good sign when they mimic our movements

[Hollyj]

Sounds like you're off to a great start!

[Aeropro]

Thanks for the great feedback guys! =)

[Aeropro]

As far as texting goes, would you guys recommend keeping that "mystery" and really only using it to set-up dates? I, personally, prefer doing it that way... but I want to make sure she doesn't view it as a lack of interest. After our date she said she'd talk to me on Friday (excitedly), so I wasn't sure if a quick text later this afternoon with perhaps a light joke from something we discussed about our date with a "enjoy your Thursday" would be a nice gesture or come off as a bit needy?

[Sportster2005]

It's not a matter of how you did. It's more of was there mutual attraction. If she goes on a 2nd date, that's a good sign. If she becomes busy and just can't seem to find time, that's a bad sign. Keep it simple.

 

Body language is a good guide, but it's not absolute, and it can be faked.

[Aeropro]

It's not a matter of how you did. It's more of was there mutual attraction. If she goes on a 2nd date, that's a good sign. If she becomes busy and just can't seem to find time, that's a bad sign. Keep it simple.

 

Body language is a good guide, but it's not absolute, and it can be faked.

 

Yeah that's true. I like to think I'm an intuitive person and I really felt that everything was going great. Fingers crossed.

[BigKK]

As far as texting goes, would you guys recommend keeping that "mystery" and really only using it to set-up dates? I, personally, prefer doing it that way... but I want to make sure she doesn't view it as a lack of interest. After our date she said she'd talk to me on Friday (excitedly), so I wasn't sure if a quick text later this afternoon with perhaps a light joke from something we discussed about our date with a "enjoy your Thursday" would be a nice gesture or come off as a bit needy?

 

It's not needy, ignore the "rules".

 

Have you hammered out plans with her? If not, better get in touch and do it

[SoulTaker]

As far as texting goes, would you guys recommend keeping that "mystery" and really only using it to set-up dates? I, personally, prefer doing it that way... but I want to make sure she doesn't view it as a lack of interest. After our date she said she'd talk to me on Friday (excitedly), so I wasn't sure if a quick text later this afternoon with perhaps a light joke from something we discussed about our date with a "enjoy your Thursday" would be a nice gesture or come off as a bit needy?

 

That's the way I do it for the first few dates. I use texting to set up the dates. and get some basic info on the person. Everything else will come accross on the date itself. Her interest level in you will come from the dates.

 

A quick text is fine, just avoid constant texting, and/or long phone calls for now.

[Aeropro]

Here's an update. So, again, after our date on Tuesday, I let her know that I'd be going out with a friend for a costume party down-town, but wasn't sure of what time. She said that she, too, would be hanging out with a friend and maybe they'd swing by (dependant on her friend). Last night I reached out to her and confirmed the time that my friend and I were planning on being downtown and, if she was in the area, that I'd love to give her a 'halloween scare =)'. She texted this morning and said 'Cool! Lol sounds good. I'm not sure if I'm going out yet but have fun!!"... I responded with "Thanks! I'm eyeing the weather and we'll probably decide whether to go or not based on the rain. I'd like to see you again this weekend! Do you have any free time tomorrow?"

 

Was I coming off too strong with that? Other than maybe seeing each other tonight, we didn't have any real plan for a second date other than her saying that she'd "definitely talk to me" this weekend. I just don't want to seem overly anxious... I am probably over-thinking things, but I just really want to get to know her and be on top of scheduling dates.

[BigKK]

Here is the thing Aeropro, I know exactly what you're trying to do, the Oh hey I'm with my friends, your with yours, let's hopefully bump into each other. The thing is... it's too early for that. It might work, but don't hold your breath.

 

I didn't realize that's what you're going for, I would of done that if you had a few more dates under your belt... so deep breath, take the pressure off, and don't hope to "run into her," you still want solo time now.

 

 

My issue is you didn't come off "too strong" you came off "too vague"

 

You let it be known that you want to see her this weekend... for what?

 

Halloween is falling through, and now you're backing up with the weekend. I would of fired off with a semi-specific plan. Hey How about Friday - Sunday we go to the Falls for a walk and coffees, or whatever you figure for a date. Right now she responds with sure I'd like that too, then you have to come up with the date. I would of liked letting her know what she is getting into.

 

 

At this point don't worry, wait for her response and go from there. You didn't mess anything up, it's just annoying setting up dates through texts.

[Aeropro]

Yeah thanks for the advice. I should have been a bit more direct, but I still feel that things will fall into place. We are attracted to each other and hit it off really well which is the important thing... just have to let things play out!

 

I'll keep you guys updated. It may end up being unusually cold and wet here tomorrow so I'll have to think outside the box for date #2... any suggestions?

[Dybbuk]

I agree with BigKK, I really appreciate it when the guy will take the lead (in the beginning not always and forever) to set up dates.

 

I personally gauge a man's interest in the way he sets up dates with me. If he's too vague and never sets a concrete time/place I take it as a sign of disinterest or indifference. He's thinking about if he really wants to see me again. Sometimes I'll be forgiving if I feel a guy is shy, but if this is how he consistently sets up his dates I eventually stop reciprocating interest and move on. If he sets up dates with a concrete time but it's last minute, I will forgive it once or twice, but if it's consistent I feel very much like an afterthought or the Plan B for the night. Last minute dates work better when you have already established a really good connection, and feel maybe your sweetie just stumbled accross free time and would like to see you. If you start doing that from the start, it just feels like you're not being considerate of her schedule and plans. However if a man gives me a few days notice, and asks me out on a date with a specific date/time/place I do not view this as coming on "too strong". I take it as a sign of genuine interest that he would like me to set aside time for him, because he'd like to spend time with me.

 

If a woman feels that setting a concrete date/time ahead of the scheduled date is "too strong" then I really don't think she'd be happy with any way you set the date... sounds like disinterest from her. If a guy you like is good at making plans to see you, a girl has no reason really to refuse him unless she's genuinely busy, and in those instances, I always offer up alternative dates/times to meet.

 

Be confident and ask for her time! If she likes you, you have nothing to worry about.

[Aeropro]

Thanks for your insight! Understandably she and I are both busy (work 40+ hours a week) so communication has been an obstacle thus far... I just don't want her to feel like *I* am losing interest by not contacting her! I just need to remember how much of a blast we had on our first date and relax a bit. I remember laughing quite a bit and her saying, "You're so funny! I like it!". We had a real solid connection that I haven't felt in awhile so I've been a bit more giddy trying to keep my cool. Thanks again... I will keep your advice in mind.