bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 ok...so I tried calling...no answer...can't say I blame her Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 "Can't say I blame her" May be true, and also may be a sign you are careening over the other way, feeling unworthy. Find your middle ground. If she doesn't pick up, maybe she is holding a child, having dinner, getting some early shut eye. Just relax. When we are the ones apologizing, we get to apologize on our schedule. We do NOT get to wipe the slate clean, and if they welcome us back, that happens on their schedule. Take a break. Go exercise, see some friends, etc. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Ok...so here's what has happened..she did call me back...yes she was holding the baby as her daughter is now the one that's sick.... We talked for roughly 30 minutes it was very rocky...by rocky I mean I could hear in her voice she is still very hurt...I never begged during the conversation.... I apologized for my insecurities and I asked her to forgive what I said.... We talked about the kids, asked her to think about what I needed to do to stop my jealousy. I think by giving her some space is the best for now...by space I mean to still call to ask about the kids and to call her sparingly until she can forgive....one thing I did not do during my argument with her that started all is was I did not call her names or run her down...so that helps...when we ended the visited I told her that I loved her and know at this time she could not say it back.....its start to a rocky road....but I can make it work.... Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks mhowe...see I even spelled your name right...and IThinkICan...wasn't feeling unworthy....just insecurities kicking in...again...it will work...just going to take work on my end to show her..and more importantly to make her feel safe again...by safe I mean secure, and needed Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You are on the right track. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks mhowe...see I even spelled your name right...and IThinkICan...wasn't feeling unworthy....just insecurities kicking in...again...it will work...just going to take work on my end to show her..and more importantly to make her feel safe again...by safe I mean secure, and needed Yup. Being emotionally safe is huge. Are you gathering ideas to help you stay steady next time? Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I have been on the net looking for any and all kinds of ideas...like even counseling...its not out of the question for sure..I just can not walk away from 4 years..could I when I broke it off...yes from being insecure Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I have been on the net looking for any and all kinds of ideas...like even counseling...its not out of the question for sure..I just can not walk away from 4 years..could I when I broke it off...yes from being insecure This is huge. She will see the responsibility you are taking for tuning up this aspect of yourself and it will be meaningful. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You can apologize but you should keep in mind that she might not be willing to try again. Dumping someone is a huge breach of trust for the dumpee. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Ms Darcy, Yes you are right she may not be willing to try again.....but here's what I have done today...made an appointment with a counselor for tomorrow evening at 5pm....texted the Gf to see how her daughter is doing...she responded right back is doing alittle better today...have not called her at all...figure a little space is good...may call her before bed tonight to just say hi and see how they are doing...don't think I will reveal the counselor to the GF tonight...I may have the counselor call her and verify that I am willing to do whatever it takes to resolve my insecurities....whats everyones thoughts Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Doubt the counselor will call her. However, after talking with the counselor, she/he can give you steps/lessons/exercises and at some point, you can share these with your gf. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 ok...so should I mention to her tonight that I have decided to take a BIG step to improve by going to see the counselor Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I would hold off and ask the counselor if he/she thinks you should divulge this right away. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 mhowe, Thanks will take your advise......and for all that's been reading this....I messed up by breaking up with the GF because of my insecurities...I realized it after getting my behind bitten off here...once I settled down realized the terrible thing that I did to the GF....heck I knew along I was still deeply in love with her...I called and she finally called back, I apologized for what I did and took full responsibility for my actions...asked for her forgiveness....she listened but never said she will accept it...we talked for about 30 minutes....knew its going to be a rocky road ahead so decided that I need to do whatever it takes to show her I want her back in my life and to learn to trust....figured the best way to start was to see a counselor if it doesn't work out there is only one person to blame.... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 bhbull Make sure your focus with yourself and the counselor is about finding the trigger that is within you and moderating it, maybe with practice eliminating it. The event with your gf gave you the motivation, yes. Do this for YOU, not for her. I would advise against having the counselor call her. I would advise withholding the counselor information, and waiting until you can share what you learned, which is more important than showing up on someone's office. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have just sent a couple of the people on here a PM..so please look at your messages...thanks.......also of course I am sitting here brain storming what else I can do...one Idea I thought of was in 2 weeks go to where she lives...that's 1200 miles from me to actually talk face to face. I know theres always a chance she will say go to &^LL but whats your thoughts?? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Again...run this by your counselor, but a visit before the flu and sickness at your gf would be ill advised and she will still be tired. If you can get centered, maybe meet somewhere for a long weekend. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 ok so went to the first session...I have to report that the was said to me on here is the same as the counselor told me...the GF is not there for her ex...she is there for the daughter and the grandkids. By telling the girlfriend she didn't need to be spending the night there even though she only lives less than 10 minutes away put up a huge barrier by the GF..counselor said the GF will pick the kids over a guy and that the GF is not there for the ex...said she probably doesn't even acknowledge him being there..counselor advised how to deal it this by not building a wall, to chill out and be support but not over bearing..... Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Today.....this is all finally slamming me. Talked to the counselor last night...realizing what a jerk I was to have even thought about this much less doing. I am at the point where I am almost scared to call her for fear I think I might come accross as needy and she may say quit calling.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Do not call when you are feeling needy. You need to take away her stress...not add to it. Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Oh no...I won't do that.... Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 mhowe, That's I decided to post here...figured if she could hear ....needy it would not be good but like you said...puts more pressure on her which at this point is stress she don't need Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 What did counseling say about how to.deal with your insecurity? Link to comment
bhbull Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 no call...I did text her hope that was alright...it said...."Just thinking about you....hope your day is good" Link to comment
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