Ex's Birthday is coming up... what to do

[teeeg28]

Hi everybody.

 

My ex girlfriend of 4 and a half years has her birthday coming up in 3 days. Just some back ground of our breakup.. We started dating within weeks of our freshman year of high school and she recently broke up with me after our freshman year of college. We had planned to get married and thought we had it all figured out. One day at a friends house, I received a text message basically saying, i regret nothing about our relationship but I want out. We had troubles in the past but thats besides the point. So I was ABSOLUTELY blind sided. I thought my life was going to end, hands down the hardest thing I have ever been through. For about 3 months after the relationship we tried to be "friends". She absolutely okay with it but I was the exact opposite. I still had feelings and nearly every time we would hand out I would ask about getting back together. We even still went on vacation trips we had planned during those first 3 months because we had planned them so long ago.

 

I never really knew the real reason as to why she left me. I feel like she has told me a different reason every time I ask about it, basically she just can't get her story straight as, but I think she ended up questioning her sexuality due to multiple reasons so she left (and all of friends think so as well)

 

Anyways... after the 3 months of trying to be friends, I found some books on dealing with break ups and what not and decided to go NC. Apparently, my friends told me that around the same time I started NC (and I had no idea about this till now) they texted her and said that she should back off of me and give me a lot of space because they thought me trying to be okay with us being friends was damaging me too much. At first NC was hard but then it really started to help. About 3 weeks in to NC, one night she posted on Facebook (and I know I shouldn't be following her still) about how much she missed me and she couldn't believe what has happen and what not. As much as I want to break NC and contact her, I didn't.

 

Fast Forward to now, and Im about 6-7 weeks into NC. I miss her very much but something that I have noticed is that she is not the same girl I once knew so it helps ease the pain. But her Birthday is in a couple of days and I was thinking about sending a card essentially saying, "hope your bday is good and I hope all is well, miss you". I have recently realized that the reason why I want to send something to her is because I am hoping she will text me or call me and say thanks and ask to see me or something. I know those are the wrong intentions but technically my NC goal is up. I was hoping that my ex would break at some point and contact me but she hasn't. I am thinking about breaking the ice between us but I have been very indecisive about it. In those first three months I was always getting hurt because I would have an expectation in my head of how we would act when we would hang out, and when she didn't act the way I had hoped, it would crush me. I feel like if I was too try and hang out with her now, the same thing would happen, even if I told myself not to have any expectations.

 

I know this was a lot guys, but Im just having a hard week. Her birthday is soon and I can't figure out why that stresses me out so bad and to make matters worse, our 5 year would have been this upcoming 30th. I just can't believe she hasn't tried to talk to me. It kills me that this is all so easy for her and its still destroying me. Please someone just tell me what to do.

 

Thanks

[bronte]

Don't contact her. I know it's hard and that birthdays are almost too big of a temptation to resist, but your sentence "This is all so easy for her and it's still destroying me" says it all. You're not ready to be back in touch with her and you'll only end up having to start over with your healing. Don't do it!!!

[ChellyV]

What about a short but cheerful greeting to the effect on Happy Beerday! And of course a thank you will follow that and possibly a how are you.

If that happens, I would recommend not to respond anymore. At least you got it off your chest, to let her know you remembered her birthday.

 

NC put you where you are now. Do you think on a scale of 1-10, you are closer to 10? If not then stick NC. Your call.

[HeartGoesOn]

If she wants to try again, she knows where to find you. Having said that, do yourself a favor and maintain your self-respect.

[teeeg28]

I appreciate the response, thank you.

[FreeFallFeelin]

It's not her b-day that you're confused about, it's whether or not you should cave in and contact her since she's not contacted you.

 

When somebody leaves you, all you have is your dignity. They leave not wanting to continue a life with you, and knowing that it would most likely mean not seeing you again, ever. Let that sink in. I know it's hard to let her go, but you have to hold on to your dignity and stay away from her. She's not contacting you because being friends is not an option. Not right now anyway. MAYBE years from now. Maybe. But right now, sending birthday wishes or other signs of endearment are only going to be confusing and NOT a source of joy for either of you.

 

I know it hurts terribly, but trust me young friend, she ain't commin' back. Never. They never do. Boy or girl doesn't matter. How it went down doesn't matter. Once they leave they're truly gone forever. Maybe .01% of couples get back together successfully. If contact is made, it should come from her, since it was she who left.

 

It will take a lot of time to heal and let this go, but it starts by you and your ex completely parting ways. This is just the first of what will probably be many 'special occasions' when you feel like cracking and contacting her. But for your own sakes (and trust me here) don't do it. It NEVER goes how you wish it would.

 

The good news is that you're young, and life is at your feet. You have a lot of time to live, love, and hopefully find the true love of your life. I wish you the best.