So lost

[1234whattodo]

I will try not to make this too long but I have never been more hurt, lost, and confused in my entire life.

I dated my boyfriend for almost 4 years and he was my first love, first true boyfriend and everything. We were so in love and literally did everything together. We were best friends before we dated and slid into a relationship easily. We had some problems but always worked through it. In the past year we had started making plans of marriage, slept together every night, had a blast.

Fast forward to now and I found out at a party that he had been cheating on my for about 5 months and had sex with her multiple times. Went through his phone/Facebook and they had been texting ALLLL the time and found instances where he said he was at work but was with her. I immediately broke up with him. He denied and lied for about 2 weeks and finally admitted it and begged for me back. He said he had no feelings for the girl, I didn't do anything wrong, he got caught up in his fraternity lifestyle, he was ashamed and would change. He begged for me back.

I considered it and told him I wanted to take it slow and then after a week I felt like I should tell him that talking/hanging out was no guarantee of us getting back together and I didn't want a relationship right at this moment (I did not want him asking everyday "are we back together now".) I also did not want to seem like I was leading him on. he suddenly retreated and said that I broke his heart because I got his hopes up that we would be back. He then said we shouldn't talk.

The next day he said we could talk and hang but his feelings aren't involved at all so he won't kiss me or text me first. but he will come over and spend the night and cuddle, have sex, etc.

I'm living in torture. We are officially two months post break up and I can't stop reaching out to him or inviting I'm over at least once a week. Part of me wants to try but the other part feels that no one can change that fast. How could I not have been able to tell he was cheating? He hasn't cut the girl he was cheating on me with out (the are still friends on social media and I hear they talk from mutual friends). I feel like I keep waiting for that to happen to even think about getting back. My mind is so messed up! It's like I literally can't let him go, cant stop caring , can't stop texting him, wanting him. But I don't wanna get back in a relationship becasue I am so scared of getting hurt and him not changing. I'm waiting for a sign? And living in limbo!! No one understand the emotional turmoil I'm going through and all my friends are tired of hearing it or judge me. I feel so stupid and lost and I have NEVER been like this ...should I give him another chance? Stop talking?

[mhowe]

He isn't going to change. He lied to your face everyday for 5 MONTHS. E

Shut it down.

[tmp171014a]

Have you ever heard: "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" Well, this certainly seems to be the case, and it remains true for about 90% of cheating-related problems. My word of advice is, let him go. Stop trying to talk to him. It hurts, I know. I just got out of a relationship not too long ago as well. I loved my ex but she didn't end up loving me and went to another guy. You need to start focusing on yourself right now. Start going out with your friends. Do things that you've wanted to try when you were with your ex. Don't make excuses and mope around hoping he'll change. If he will, he would show it through action. Men are supposed to be confident and firm with their decisions and own up to any challenges and changes. If he has been on and off like you are describing it as, then he is clearly not being true to you or himself. You deserve a lot better. Trust me. Women are beautiful, and I believe that every one has to suffer at some point to realize that there will always be someone who will definitely treat you right and love you unconditionally. I suffered for about a week until I realize that I needed to focus on ME, how to improve ME, and what that ME will do to create a better world for ME. No one can dictate your own happiness nor make you happier than you. Move on. I know it hurts. But move on.

 

And chances are if he cheated once, he will continue to do it again. You can't teach a dog old tricks. For me, once the other person cheats, it is officially done and over with. No questions asked. And the fact that he was denying, the fact that he even cheated in the first place, and the fact that he tried to beg for you to come back and is giving you all this doubt and pain, says a lot about his masculinity, will power, and center. He sounds weak. He sounds unfaithful. And he is definitely off his center. So recover, learn, live, and succeed. That is how you will get over the breakup. The quicker and longer you keep him out of your life and start going out with other people (friends or dating), the faster you will recover

[tmp171014a]

Sorry I meant "teach an old dog new tricks*"

[electricorchid]

I know it's like a train hit your heart, and this is all a shock to you. It probably feels like you don't even understand why this happened, what could have possibly gone wrong, how could someone you care about so much do this to you... etc. But unfortunately it happends, and if he lied to you about it at first, and then he was honest, cut. him. off. He handed you the scissors to cut him out of your life, so do it. I don't care how in love you think you guys were, that was extremely unfaithful on his part and you deserve better. This will get hard, breakups are never EVER easy, but try your best to delete his phone number, block him on social media, literally disappear. You want him to hurt more than you, the more you ignore him, the more he'll sulk after realizing what he lost.

[1234whattodo]

Maybe I do need to move on. It's so hard. The thing I keep thinking about is how he cheated at our BEST like I had no idea. Like we were happy when we were together which make me feel so ed up in the mind.