From breakup to the big D

[sky09]

Hi, all.

 

Need your advice. Here's my breakup story thread:

 

It's a long read, but I have come to realization that the big D is in the picture and needs to happen sooner or later. Latest post in the thread is where I am right now.

 

Thanks for your time.

[Clinton]

Not much to do really. Get a decent lawyer and start divorce proceedings. It's that simple

[lavenderdove]

Look, reading your back post, it is clear this woman has only been with you for a long time to milk you for money. You're still picking up her tab even though she is long gone and banging other men while married to you.

 

And you need to get to a lawyer immediately because since you are legally married, if you don't have a formal separation agreement in place (legally, paperwork) at the time she moved out, any debt she is now incurring jointly in your name (credit cards etc.) you will be legally required to pay off or wreck your credit. Just verbally announcing you are separated doesn't make you separated, you need paperwork to prove it so that you are not longer liable for her financially after she moves out. There is also a chance she is continuing to file for credit in your name because she has your information and can enter it on the applications as if you were agreeing to it.

 

I also suggest you get a credit monitoring service that emails you if there are any changes in status on your account, or any attempts to open new credit in your name. And get a copy of your credit report to read it to see if she has opened any accounts in your name that you don't know about.

 

So you need to really start protecting yourself. Go to a lawyer ASAP, get a list of all your known joint debts and assets, and have him file for divorce so that she cannot incur any more debt in your name. Cancel all the joint credit cards and get ones in your name only. You will still be liable to pay off the joint cards, but she will not be able to incur any new debt on them. And if she can't file for a new credit card on her own because she's trashed her credit, that is her problem, not yours. Don't let her trash your credit too. For any joint bank accounts or assets, withdraw half the amount (and document it that you only took half) and tell the bank to take your name off that account. For bank accounts, you can't close them if she is still on them, but you can have your name taken off them. Do not take more than your half, and have any future paychecks go to an account in your name only.

 

It is way past time to let go. I know that is emotionally hard, but she left a long time ago mentally and physically, so you need to quit being her stooge and paying her bills while she runs up more debt in your name. Let her new BF pay for it if he wants, but you're done now and need to let go and move on and find a woman who loves you and won't use you like this. So get the divorce rolling, and cut ties with her financially, and immediately. Unfortunately if she is irresponsible you will be required to pay off any joint cards she refuses to pay or wreck your credit, but stop giving her any money out of your paycheck or paying on her medical bills, student loans, anything that is her debt alone and not with your name on the note or account.

[sky09]

"banging other men" still sounds kind of hurtful lol

 

She is off the cards and all accounts as of last night, when I found out the "extra" info. I've had credit monitoring service set in place for a while now - I try to stay on top of finances (field of work helps sometimes).

 

We agreed the divorce will be mutual, it's just a matter of meeting up and signing the papers. I hope she doesn't back-peddle on that, or I'll be looking into the other options.

 

I'm just not sure on how to approach her? She won't pick up calls, I know that. Text? Letter? (we've been in NC for 2 months now) How do I start?

 

Thank you, guys and gals

[Jeffbobo]

"banging other men" still sounds kind of hurtful lol

 

She is off the cards and all accounts as of last night, when I found out the "extra" info. I've had credit monitoring service set in place for a while now - I try to stay on top of finances (field of work helps sometimes).

 

We agreed the divorce will be mutual, it's just a matter of meeting up and signing the papers. I hope she doesn't back-peddle on that, or I'll be looking into the other options.

 

I'm just not sure on how to approach her? She won't pick up calls, I know that. Text? Letter? (we've been in NC for 2 months now) How do I start?

 

Thank you, guys and gals

 

Take the initiative and lawyer up. She'll answer to that. And also, when you feel totally indifferent about her "banging other men", then you know your in a good place.

[lostandhurt]

Actually when you file for divorce she will be served and has like 30 days to respond to your filing. If she doesn't respond then the court takes that as she agrees to everything you wrote in the divorce papers and starts moving forward.

 

Don't wait, go to your local counties web site, find family court and there will be links and information on how to file for divorce. Or get a lawyer and let them handle everything.

 

 

Do asap!!!

 

Lost

[sky09]

I have the papers. For an uncontested divorce, both parties must sign and notarize them. I'm waiting to hear back from lawyers (emailed several earlier in the week).

[lostandhurt]

Good for you. Get it done as fast as possible.

 

You might want to try a mediator if she will work with you.

 

Lost