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Boyfriend is egocentric, cynical, never takes me seriously... going crazy!

Lovelavie

By Lovelavie
in Relationship Advice

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Lovelavie Community Regular

Lovelavie

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So my BF and I have been together for almost 11 months now. We'd have no problems in our relationship if not for the stuff I'm about to explain. Ever since we started going out, we were always around our friends, and we rarely went out alone because according to him, it was "boring". Stupid me, accepted it in the beginning thinking it was good for the relationship to be around friends and didn't really mind it at first. As time went by, it started getting annoying, we were seeing his friends Friday through Sunday and I couldn't stand being around them anymore. Another issue that has been a constant in our relationship is time. I love going out, I'm up for almost anything and I'm all about having fun with friends. But, I also love doing romantic stuff with my BF. I like going to parks, doing different stuff during the evening and generally making an effort to do things differently every time. However, my BF has a schedule on his mind for the weekends that he won't change for ANYTHING.

 

Imagine Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory show (if anyone watches). He has a LOT in common with the character, so you probably have an idea of how analytic and annoying about every single thing we do, he is. First, he never arrives at my house early, it's ALWAYS after 8 p.m., meaning we can never do activities during the day such as going to the pool, going for a walk, going a pic nic, going out for lunch... you get the idea. We always go out really late at night, either to a bar or a friend's house and it's ALWAYS his and his friends' idea. We rarely do stuff just the two of us, and when we do, he throws it in my face that he was already nice enough to go out just with me now he HAS to see his friends. (it HAS gotten a whole lot better, but we still have issues) With time, the same old programs for the weekends started getting boring, and the fun of going to a friends' house every Friday through Sunday started to fade. I tried telling him. I try telling him, every weekend, for us to do something different, to do something EARLY during the day, and he wants to stay at his house sleeping. That's all he does on weekends.

 

Now here's the deal breaker: after spending almost every weekend fighting about this and seeing absolutely NO results, no change in behavior, no effort or want to make things different (yeah there were some, but he still arrives here late and never wants to do anything "different"), I decided for once, it was time to think of me and only me. A friend's party came up and he invited me (I hooked up with him last year but it was NOTHING really, we stayed friends after and lost contact after I started my relationship, and my BF doesn't know about him per se, he just knows it's a friend). The party was tempting not because of him, but because it's cheap, will have lots of drinks and some of my friends will be there. It's about 30 minutes from my house and it starts at 1 p.m.. (I mean, finally something I can do on a Saturday during the day) And THAT was enough for me to hear my boyfriend ramble on about how awful this party will be, that he doesn't want to go, that it's gonna be full of kids (mind you, "kids" of 20-23. He's 21.), that it's gonna start "too early" and yada yada yada... He said then, that he wanted to stay at his house, sleeping, and then he'll come over to see me, but only at night (oh boy, how different). So I told him that I would go with my friends and then at night I'd go over to see him. Ok? Nope. He then said that he didn't wanna go, he didn't want to see me, he didn't want to do anything AND he wanted me to stay at my house while I wait for him to come over, doing absolutely NOTHING. I was in shock, I mean... if you're working, or you're sick or busy I would get it if he didn't want me to go. But he wants to stay SLEEPING and wants me to stay at home. So I just thought that it was too much for me and stopped talking to him.

 

Now, I got off the phone with him and I asked him for a reason that he didn't want me to go. I asked him if he didn't trust me and if he thought that I would cheat on him and he just said "if you wanna see it this way..." and he never gave me an ACTUAL reason, he just said: I don't want you to go, and you're not going. He said I could go for lunch with friends, go to the mall but that I couldn't go to the party alone. And then I think he would probably break up with me if I went. So... basically, he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to do anything else with me, he doesn't want me to go and he wants me to do nothing! I just this this is completely wrong, he does whatever he wants, when he wants, and now wants me to do what he wants if it's against my will.

 

Gosh, I love him but I don't think I can accept this... he won't give in and won't change his mind about it... he's so cynical too, he laughs during our arguments, he doesn't take me seriously and it hurts my feelings...

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oneman Newbie

oneman

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Your entire post is about disrespect, hurt,frustration and control. If this guy is the cause of all of it and you can put it on paper and weigh it all up, the positives against the negatives, then it's your choice if you want and need to stay in this relationship.

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Hellboy Newbie

Hellboy

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You're not this guy's girlfriend, you're his poodle. Any guy that says going out with just you would be "boring" is too immature to have a decent relationship with. If he wants to just hang with friends, then let him. Tell him while he's doing that that you'll be seeing other people- people who are respectful of you and your needs. Guys like this douchebag are a dime a dozen out there and you can certainly find better. Consider this as a learning experience and move on.

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