How does my plan sound?

[a.d.c.]

Alright guys here's my story for the ones that don't know.

 

short version: link removed

 

(long) full detail version: link removed

 

Well It's been 12 weeks since she broke up with me. And it's been one full month of NC. I had told her not to call me for Christmas or New Years. She obliged and didn't.

 

And I told her I wouldn't call her for her birthday(Why did I say that?)

 

Anyways her birthday is on Jan 19. That would be 6 weeks of NC by then.

My plan is to send her a card in the mail a few days early so it arrives on the 17 or 18. From there I'll see if she takes the bait and calls me before the 19th. If she hasn't then I'll call her on her day.

 

It's a big step especially cuz I had told her that if she wanted to work things out to call me and if not then don't call me. That plus what I had told her about not calling her on her day.

 

But the way I see it is that it's the perfect occasion to break the ice. I'm more composed now as far as emotions go and I'm not having those erratic thoughts anymore from when we 1st broke up.

 

I feel it's time to put up a fight in case she's still talking to her best friend's brother. This guy is just total comfort for her but I know he's not stupid and wants to get laid so he'll be there for her every need.

 

He's a 24 year old hardcore pothead dropout with no ambition who doesn't have a car, just got a job after 3 years of nothing, and has his mom to support him at her house. My ex on the other hand is in school to become a nurse and has clear goals for the future. That's how I know she can't be serious about that trash.

 

I figure 6 weeks is enough time for things to have settled by then. If the conversation is pleasant then I'll ask her to go out for lunch for her birthday and to catch up on things. And basically be cool and not talk about any relationship. Just have positive interaction and see how it's goes.

 

I figure I can't just sit around and have her come to me. I have to be a risktaker and reconquer her once again. Especially if that loser is trying to win her. Maybe they are just talking. I don't know.

 

What do you guys think about my plan. I feel it's time to take some action.

[PrincessLinzay]

I had told her that if she wanted to work things out to call me and if not then don't call me.

 

You did say that she should come to you if she wants to get back together, so I guess I don't really understand why you would go back on that. She hasn't put forth any effort, so I don't know why you would want to either.

 

You told her not to call if she doesn't want to work things out, and she hasn't called. What does that say?

 

I wouldn't send her anything on her birthday. You expected her to respect your wishes. (If I remember correctly, when you first tried to initiate NC, she wasn't respecting it, and it upset you).

 

I think if she wants you back, she should be the one working for it, but that's just my opinion.

[melrich]

I would not do this. As the previous poster says she has made no contact with you so obviously does not want to get back together with you. Sending her a card and then calling her is just likely to make her uncomfortable. It is probably time to just leave her alone and allow her to get on with her life and for you to do the same.

[ajk]

i agree with the others, plus, maybe it would make her think of you more if you didn't call her or send a card...

if she's used to getting the support from you and doesn't, she will see that you're sticking by what you said, and will have more respect for you because of it.

[rnorth]

I am going to take a different approach than the previous posters. I think its perfectly fine to send her a birthday card. She may feel that you are angry with her and she may thereforeeee be too afraid to contact you.

 

Break the ice, but don't write too much in the card. Something like:

"Truly wishing you the vey best on your birthday". And then just sign your name. No reference to love or affection just a nice gesture. It will make her wonder, and she will be touched at the same time.

 

So I think its perfectly fine to send out a "feeler" and also just show some consideration for her birthday.

[Comfortably Numb]

It's up to her to make the next move. By contacting her at this point, you're only lowering your value and desirability. Contacting an ex after she dumped you is not always a bad idea, but you need to wait a lot longer than 6 weeks, and it has to be done very tactfully. Wait a year, improve yourself, then bump into her "by accident." Then perhaps you'll have the last laugh.

[Day_Walker]

You already told her how it is, that if she wanted to talk about things then she should contact you. Why are you trying to go back on your word? I will tell you why because you are still emotional and you feel that you can win her back, that you can trough your planning make her regain what she had, well sorry to tell you but thats not the case. She broke up with you and you have no control over the situation, the ball is in her court and she has to be the one to intiate any kind of contact. You plan is flawed because you are being too pushy and you want to force her to make a decision. If you wanted to be successful at all then her feelings towards you need to be provoked. The best way to do this is through jealousy. Once you bring up these emotions then the ball is in your court because she will be contacting you and wanting to be back in your life. Until she makes an effort to come back in your life there is nothing you can do, besides provoke emotions in her. Now if you want what i told you to work then you have to get over her and not be emotional and instead have a clear cut goal in mind instead of just wanting her back.

[Hope75]

If you want to take a chance on her, of course it's your choice, but I advise you to think carefully about this, as the others have said you asked her not to call unless she was interested in reconciliation, and she hasn't called, and she is the one who broke up with you.

 

Don't you deserve more?

 

It is her decision if she chooses to date this other guy. If all of the qualitites you say of him are true, hopefully she will use good judgement and not date him, but that isn't your business, it has nothing to do with you.

 

I also question your wording, 'reconquer her'.... what do you mean by that? It isn't a contest. If your only motive here to to not allow her to date the other guy, that's silly, let her make her own choices, you deserve someone who gives you her full attention and who loves you for you.

 

Her actions show she does not anymore and I think you should respect that and respect yourself enough to move on.

[a.d.c.]

Well...

 

3 women said no to my plan

3 men said no to my plan

and 1 man said yes.

 

That settles it for me, both genders agreed equally that my plan will make me look like an even bigger fool. You're right, if I do this I'll be throwing my dignity out the window.

 

What can I say?? I'm glad I signed on to this website. Cuz it's folks like you that took the time to read and respond to my question. I really appreciate everyone that gave me their opinions on this matter. And special thanks to Princess Linzay who's given me advice in some of my other topics. Thank You.

 

I will definetely not send a card or call her. I'd feel like it's a slap in the face to me and to everybody who advised me on here if I followed my original plans.

 

Once again thanks

[FleX]

Make that 4 men.

[PrincessLinzay]

Im glad you decided against it hun. Just keep waiting, you never know what could happen!