It just feels like one thing after another. I need some solid advice!

[blueonblack]

I could bore you with the 2 years of my relationship with B, but I won't. Lets just say that it was very good. There was never abuse, cheating or hurt. There was never anything mean. We had up and down periods, thats for sure, but that usually related to the fact that we were both at different periods in our lives, and at the end of the day, very different people. We clicked very well. See, I have planned children and marriage with people. I have planned to move states with people. I have been in relationships for four years. But I have never, ever, felt anything with anyone like I felt with B. To this day, I do believe he was the one.

 

But, believing that he was the one, didn't stop me from feeling hurt. It was very up and down. When he wanted to date, I felt like I couldn't. When I wanted to date, he felt like he couldn't. You get the picture here. We were just never in the same place at the same time. Most of my friends have compared it to Carrie and Big in Sex and the City, if anyone is familiar. He was my big love. But, I can recognise when something isn't healthy. We made a damn good job of making things messier for ourselves. He had a lot of problems, and insecurities surrounding not being good enough for me or my life. I did my best to change these, but of course, you can't change how someone feels. Three months ago, after another few months of absolute mess, sleeping together and a few adult disagreements, I initiated no contact. I had asked him once and for all, did he want me, and if he didn't, was it because he didn't want me, or he didn't want anybody. He told me didn't want to date, and that was that.

 

Making this decision was hard, but I had resolved in my head that it was time to try and move on. I couldn't stand the confusion, the up and the down. We were not in a good place before I initiated no contact, we weren't being terribly nice to one another (I attribute this to stress, as neither of us were acting the way that we wanted to around one another). He said some things to try to make me jealous, he had some of his friends add me to Facebook (I have never had him on Facebook, I'm a very private person and don't flash my relationships around). When I confronted him about this, his friend pretended that it was a 'random' add, and B denied all knowledge. After I tried to cut off contact once more, he put aside his pride one day and asked me to go see him. I didn't reply. This hurt him, and it all went downhill from there. He told me once more he didn't want to date. That it wasn't me he didn't want to date, he was just too ed up. I didn't believe this, and I cut off contact for good.

 

So, here we are, a few months down the line. I still have had no contact with him, and things have been relatively uneventful. On a few occasions, I have seen B driving on a street that connects to my street. He has no reason to be in this area whatsoever, so I always found excuses for why he might be around. I was starting to feel okay, I had been asked out on dates, although, I had turned them all down as I didn't feel it was right to start dating when I was still fresh out of something so big. I have never been someone to sit in my room, listen to sad music and cry. I tried my best to grieve, and move on. In doing this, I ended up joining a dating site. It was good to put the feelers out there, and try to make some new connections. I met one guy in particular, J. J was attractive, funny, and shared my music taste (which, is a rare type of music for a female my age, also, B's favourite music genre). We talked about this a lot, and we clicked. After talking for a few more weeks, I realised that he wasn't really my type. I made him aware of this, and we agreed to stay in contact and be friends. I was over the moon. We would still talk everyday casually. Sometimes, he would share stories with me that I felt I had heard before. I shrugged it off. However, one day he spoke about a job he did in the past 12 months. It was in the same place, on the same job, for the same period of time of a job that B did. I thought it was just too coincidental that they would know one another, and ignored it.

 

A few weeks later, J was out drinking on a weekend. He was messaging me constantly, and begging me to come and see him. He was telling me that he just wanted to hang out with me as a friend, nothing more. He told me that his friends wanted to meet me. I turned him down, and was slightly turned off by all of the begging. A few days later, my curiosity got the better of me, and I felt I needed to know once and for all if B and J were friends. They were, work friends. They had lived with one another for 6 months while working away for work, while B and I were together. I had never met him. I cut off all contact immediately. I couldn't be certain that B was behind this. But even if he wasn't, I thought it would be disrespectful of me to keep talking to one of his friends. J continued to message me, and I did not reply.

 

A few weeks after this, I checked Facebook one day. It popped up that one of my friends was now friends with B. I was stumped. They had never, ever met. Infact, when B and I first came into regular contact we talked about people we might not mutually, and I discussed this girl, with him telling me he didn't know her. B has a fairly common name, so when it popped up, I thought I should double check just incase it wasn't him. But it was. And now that we had a mutual friend, I could see his 'Tagged' photos. He had been tagged in a photo, from the weekend that J was messaging me, with J. They had been together the whole time that J was messaging me begging to see me. I was blind with rage. But still, I said nothing, I did nothing, and I kept moving on. I could just imagine him sitting there with B, saying "Hey, look at this chick! She likes x music too!" J always told me that I was "smoking hot" and that "he had never met a hot girl who likes this music". I don't doubt for one minute that he shared this news with B.

 

Now, I have spoken to my friends about this, who know B, and who aren't too fond of him. They have all agreed that there has been some sort of a game going on. Whether that is to push himself into my life, or to simply make his presence known. B wouldn't risk his pride and message me or make contact with me, as he knows now, I would not reply.

 

This is where it gets heart breaking for me. I was out with one of my friends the other day, and after a quiet few weeks, she asked if he had been adding anymore of my friends. I said I wasn't sure, I had blocked him on Facebook. I unblocked him to check.. and I see photos of him with another girl. His girlfriend, I guess. I felt absolutlely numb. Firstly, that he was with another girl so soon after we had ended all that we had been through (How selfish is that of me?), but that he would post it on Facebook too. See, even before him and I were in a relationship, we discussed privacy and how neither of us like putting relationship stuff on Facebook. He stated he despises me, and would never do it, knowing how badly he would get paid out by his friends. We laughed about this, and I said the same. I'm just too private.

 

So, here he is, with a girlfriend, and it is all over Facebook. My friend (who is a keen social media stalker), told me to check all of his other social media sites, because she had a feeling. I did so, there was nothing of this girl on any other of his profiles. My friend, who I love dearly and is brutually honest, noted that she wondered if he had made it so evident on his Facebook, because he knows I could see it. He doesn't know that I know his other social media accounts, as I don't use them personally. I didn't think it personally, but she was pretty convinced. I told her that I was sure it was all just stupid coincidences, and I was looking into it because I was still reeling. But she was not convinced. To add to this, J messaged me that same day after I told him why I could no longer speak to him, and totally changed his tune. He began asking me if him and I would ever hook up, regardless of the fact that he is close friends with B. For the first time, I felt like I was being baited.

 

I have since spoken to other friends, who have said the same. They whole heartedly believe that none of this is concidental, that there has been some sort of 'baiting' game going on, that I just haven't been sucked into just yet. They believe he probably does have a girlfriend, a 'rebound', and that it may have been on since we broke up, but that he's trying to push it into my face for some reason. They believe it is because none of this other attempts of making contact through another person with me have worked. He knows that I would never reply to him, even if he were to try.

 

I'm going to do the best thing I can, and forget/ignore it, and continue trying to move on. I know in my heart I can't have someone like that in my life. But my question is.. Am I being crazy? Or has all of this been one game after another to get to me? No matter how much I say that I will just continue trying to move on, I feel very empty and numb right now. It has still hurt me very much, and I am unsure if it was his intention to reach out to me, or to hurt me.

[mhowe]

It is a waste of time and energy...yours...to figure out why that butt head does anything. He is childish and immature.

Tell your friends you are focused on your future and do not care to hear another word about him.

[blueonblack]

Haha! I absolutely agree with you. And I have been trying very hard to not let it bother me. My biggest, and only concern, was whether or not I was the one being crazy, or if he really was doing this to get to me.

 

I have already told my friends it is all done and dusted. I am wonderful at 'disappearing' to my ex-boyfriends when he break up! Hahah!

[MaxPayne19]

I agree, forget this guy and do all you can to move on. Date again when you feel ready to. Right now focus on you and what makes you happy. This guy B is so up and down and seems like he has no idea what he wants. He would only end up hurting you more and might even do the same to this possible girlfriend.

[blueonblack]

I absolutely agree. And that's the plan, to just keep doing what I have to to move on. I guess I'm just questioning whether or not I am crazy and seeing things that aren't there.. Or if nearly everything has been a plot to get to me in one way or another?

[sky09]

I absolutely agree. And that's the plan, to just keep doing what I have to to move on. I guess I'm just questioning whether or not I am crazy and seeing things that aren't there.. Or if nearly everything has been a plot to get to me in one way or another?

 

i don't think it's a coincidence. he does know your ex, so i'm sure he either told him about you or knew about you from him. it's irrelevant now, though, and is not helping your healing. let these thoughts go, just like you let him go. this stuff does sound pretty absurd, though

[blueonblack]

Believe me, I really am trying. I'm finding that talking about is helping. Because the only thing I keep thinking is whether or not I am crazy haha.

[sky09]

Believe me, I really am trying. I'm finding that talking about is helping. Because the only thing I keep thinking is whether or not I am crazy haha.

 

you're not. at least, not from what you wrote here