jgirl87 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 So..my story with this guy is super complicated. He is above me at work, we are the same age and I was immediately attracted to him but obviously we cant date. One night one thing led to another though and we hooked up. We were kinda caught though so we agreed it couldnt happen for a while and once we no longer work together we can be together and date since we both love our job. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. We stressed and panicked for 2 weeks until I had a miscarriage. We agreed again nothing could happen anymore but still talked constantly, and go figure, I fell for him. We gave it distance for a little while but a month later were finally hanging out again like everything was normal. He was good for a few days then went into silent mode and we hardly talked for a few weeks. Three weeks ago things began to go back to normal but still not hanging out or talking as much as we use to which is killing me. Now I have no idea what to do, do I ask if we are never seeing each other again? If he is seeing someone else? I dont want to hear the answer I dont want but I know I need to know what is happening. Does anybody have any insight or advice? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Do not ask if you are never seeing eachother again. You were both very clear from the beginning that you cannot date because you work together. After the miscarriage, you agreed that nothing could happen as well. You are not dating eachother. That is why he is not talking to you all the time - you both have agreed to not jeopardize your jobs. And by being too friendly, you are. You were caught before, after all. You have a choice to decide to talk to him only when necessary - when you have to talk to him at work for performing work duties, or to have a discussion to decide which one of you leaves so you can date with no guarantee that you will last. Right now, I suggest you go to "talk only when necessary route" to get a clear head on your shoulders and to get over him a little - so that the outcome either way won't devastate you. Honestly, if he didn't talk about you or he leaving the job after the pregnancy, I don't think he will. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I'd move on. You can't date unless you aren't working together and if that isn't happening anytime soon, well.... Link to comment
zentoCC Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Unless one of you is prepared to get a new job. I'd cut contact with him as much as possible and move on. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It isn't a complicated relationship --- it isn't a relationship at all. It is 2 coworkers hooking up, having a preganancy scare and realizing (at least him) how much his life might have changed without the miscarriage. So now, he is staying away. Very smart on his part. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It isn't a complicated relationship --- it isn't a relationship at all. It is 2 coworkers hooking up, having a preganancy scare and realizing (at least him) how much his life might have changed without the miscarriage. So now, he is staying away. Very smart on his part. Totally agree. Nothing complicated about it at all. Best to move on and perhaps get some counseling regarding your miscarriage and the emotional impact of the entire situation. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It was 'complicated' during the time you were pregnant, but you both mutually decided that you shouldn't be seeing each other due to the job. So now he is just abiding by that decision. He will be polite to you because you work together, but you are not dating and he is going to be focusing on work and is not dating you. So he is treating you like a casual friend rather than a date or FWB. So he will communicate with you as a casual friend and co-worker, but nothing deeper. So you have to let go and move on and don't expect more of him. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 No need to ask him anything as he has lost interest and anything you say to him will sound desperate (hence you wanting to ask if you are never talking again). Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 His actions are giving you your answer. You don't need to ask what is already being to shown you. Your challenge is to work at not taking it personally. He doesn't want to lose his job and you shouldn't either. Pretty cut and dry. . Link to comment
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