Girlfriend disappeared not, once but twice, no explanation at all...

[johndoe182]

So I've posted on before earlier this year. My girlfriend of 4years just up and left one day, no real explanation or reason, and for 6 months I never heard a word from her. I was starting to try and move on with things but I could never shake it out of my mind and one day I messaged her and she actually responded after months earlier ignoring messages concerning her reasoning for leaving. It was great, it was like we had never parted in the first place...the only thing was I allowed things to move too fast, and I allowed mysef to move too fast, still without really knowing the real reason why she left...fast forward a couple weeks and she started to get more distant and wouldn't respond to my messages...finally I asked if she just didn't want this anymore and that I should go and not contact her anymore. She responded saying she was sorry and didn't want me to go...that next day she was gone again and haven't heard from her since in almost two months now and once again not responding to my messages. The thing that hurts the most is how much I loved her and would have done anything for her, I was going to marry her at one point, and for that person to disappear with no word and not even a goodbye, it just really hurts.

 

Leaving someone to always wonder like that and never know why seems a but cruel to me. I mean if there were things going on that she needed space and or a break, why not just say so and I would have been fine with that. I still love this person very much as the past four years she's been in my life..but now I don't know what else to do but move on, as there really isn't anything else to do honestly. It just kills to keep thinking about this person and not being able to know why...I try to get it out of my mind and there hasn't been any contact between us in these past two months.....it's hard not to want to contact her, but I know that would do know good. They say when you love someone and this happens the best thing you could do is to let them go, and if they still have care and feeling towards you they would eventually contact you and if not you'll never hear from them again. I guess the hardest part is having the gut feeling that I'll never hear from her again and never know why.

[PaintWithLight]

She didn't just leave. She broke up with you, right?

 

It was sudden and caught you unprepared but she ended things with you. Your post makes it sound like she got lost or something. She made it clear that she no longer wished to be with you.

 

Now it is your choice if you want to continue to play games with her or move on.

[johndoe182]

Sorry for any confusion, but no she didn't break up with me, she just left and stop responding to anything, never said she needed a break, never said anything after the last conversation I mentioned in the post, she hasn't responded back to me since that day. So thus the confusion on my end and the not knowing.

[safenow]

People who just up and leave after years, have no conscience and little self respect. It happened to me and I think he was just mentally unwell and weak. Not the kind of person I could have a happy life with. By happy, I mean committed, there for me, honest and productive. It would just have been a world of pain in the end. You are right in that she might come back, she might not and you sound level headed. Keep busy and remember the relationship as it was, not just the good times. It may never have panned out as you imagined it, so in that case it is good that you are free to find something that brings you peace.

[JustLetGo]

Sounds like she thought this would be the best way to 'break up', because she probably couldn't handle telling you face to face. It's pretty hard breaking up with a person if you're a caring person yourself (believe it or not).

 

But people who leave long-term relationships just like that are just not suitable for them I guess. I wouldn't want to date someone if I knew they had done that to a previous partner.

[ParisPaulette]

Girlfriend disappeared not, once but twice, no explanation at all...

 

Okay, so you gave her a second chance to make things right and she blew it. My advice: when someone does this sort of thing to you it's a clear indication they are emotionally and/or mentally unhealthy where relationships are concerned. And it makes no sense to you, because you have empathy and aren't a selfish person who thinks only of themselves as she clearly is from what you've posted here. Stop trying to ascribe the way you treat people to how she treats people and just really see who is in front of you.

 

And the next time she comes back, which she likely will sooner or later since she appears to have a bit of a taste for the whole appearing and disappearing act, you'd be really smart to tell her, "No, you had your chance and you blew it. Move along," then block and delete her again. Loving someone does not give them a right to treat you any old way they like and since you know this type of behavior a) is what she dose and b) it hurts you it's not hard to see that this relationship as it stands in reality, and not the fantasy in your head, isn't workable for you.

[okiedokiestomp]

It's tough to let go, heal, and move on without a sense of closure. However, in this instance, the closure itself should be the fact that this woman is not relationship material. Anyone who disappears like that without communicating why they are distancing themselves or want to break things off is not capable of real intimacy. That is a major deal breaker in my book.

 

My suggestion is that you take things as they are, not as you wish them to be. She is gone and you really need to accept that someone who cares about and respects you and the relationship you share would not act/treat you this way. If I were in your shoes, I would stay no contact with her. I would not ever reach out to her and if she reaches out, I would tell her to get bent, that she blew it and I've taken her mistreatment of me and our relationship to mean things are over for good. She continues to treat you this way because you allow her to--you've shown her that she can act this way and you will take her back and chase after her. She knows you will be there if she chooses to return and until you show her differently, she will always think this of you.

 

But like I said, she is not relationship material no matter how great the times you shared were, her mistreatment of you and lack of respect for your relationship negates all of that. Move on, you deserve better.

[No1]

Why on Earth would you want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you? She left you, her actions say I dont want to be with you. From what I gather you still want to be there for her? Why??????

Move on, forget her... If she wants to be away from you, then grant her all the room she wants.. you deserve more