amila Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I know i have been opening quite a few threads but we talked and decided to try again and change,,we will both avoid fighting and anything that can lead to it.So it has been going well,till he said to me he is going to visit Germany to see his aunt there..i do not like that at all,but i did not say anything yet I wanted to hear from others,is it ok to be not ok with this? is it ok for him to go there even though i dont like it? Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I've had a look at your other threads briefly. My first question is how old are you guys? Why do you have an issue with him going to Germany to visit his aunt. You don't own him he can do as he pleases we are all free spirits in this world. The running theme I've got from your threads is that you have control issues that needs resolving and you both need to define what your relationship is. It sounds like your way more invested in him than he is in you. How long distance are you? How often do you get to see each other? This will help us determine if there is enough emotional closeness for this relationship to work. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 of course it is okay! he is visiting family, and you two are not married or anything so he can go if he wants to and you shouldn't feel like that, i really don't understand why you don't like that.. my BF is in his home country now as well, visiting his parents, perfectly normal.....if you keep getting angry over every little thing he does this will not end well, or last long... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Of course it's okay for him to visit family in Germany. I don't understand why it shouldn't be okay. Why do you have a problem with it? Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I believe he has every right to. Why not? I have family abroad and I grew up going there every few yrs. No one was going to stop that. How about YOU consider him? Link to comment
panther Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I wonder what you actually allow your BF to do in your absence. He has every right to visit family and doesn't have to take you along. And he also has the right not to text or call you everyday while he is there. Just let the man breathe and miss you for a while. Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 I wonder what you actually allow your BF to do in your absence. He has every right to visit family and doesn't have to take you along. And he also has the right not to text or call you everyday while he is there. Just let the man breathe and miss you for a while. Since we are long distance i was kinda hurt he would make time to visit her but not me,,he told me he will visit later but it was still not nice to hear Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Of course it's okay for him to visit family in Germany. I don't understand why it shouldn't be okay. Why do you have a problem with it? Maybe he will go there to look for girls? Link to comment
Theniceone Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Why exactly are you still with him Amila? Is it easier for him to go to Germany than to go to the US (time and money wise)? Did he tell you why he is visiting? Did he have plannned vacations? Is he close to this aunt? Did he give you an idea as to when he can visit you? It could be legitimate but if you have trouble believing it, then again why are you putting up with it? Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Why exactly are you still with him Amila? Is it easier for him to go to Germany than to go to the US (time and money wise)? Did he tell you why he is visiting? Did he have plannned vacations? Is he close to this aunt? Did he give you an idea as to when he can visit you? It could be legitimate but if you have trouble believing it, then again why are you putting up with it? He is going with his sister,and then she will leave,but he will stay there for a week.He had no plans,it just came up suddenly. I guess because i know in the past i was wrong regarding him,and started most of our fights.basically its my fault ..so i cant leave it knowing "i did what i could" when i know i am the wrong one Link to comment
Theniceone Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Does he have a professional situation where he can leave suddenly for no reason? You have not answered my previous question? What are you plans as a couple to see each other? When ? How frequent? Will he come see you for the holidays or will you see him? I am not trying to feed your insecurities here,he could be honest. I am giving you ideas of what you should ask yourself so you feel secure in the relationship. Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Does he have a professional situation where he can leave suddenly for no reason? You have not answered my previous question? What are you plans as a couple to see each other? When ? How frequent? Will he come see you for the holidays or will you see him? I am not trying to feed your insecurities here,he could be honest. I am giving you ideas of what you should ask yourself so you feel secure in the relationship. He could not get vaccation earlier,now he can.He says most probably can,he was not 100%.i guess they will allow it.He has 20 days that he did not use,he will be 7 days in Germany,and the rest he plans to use visiting me(so he says) Our plan was me coming now in few weeks,then he would come here before new years.Our plan was always serious,he wants to get married and so do I,we both are in that age(well according to our culture).The insecurity ruins it all,and the fights Link to comment
Theniceone Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Unless he as given you a reason to not trust him. I would try to focus on getting to know him and see if indeed you two are compatible enough for marriage and learn to trust him. You are going to see him soon then? You bought your ticket? When will he know if his vacations are approved? It is clear you do not trust him. We do not have evidence to see who's in the wrong here, but either way I do not see why I would consider marrying someone I can't trust. Have you behaved that way in previous relationships if you had any? Link to comment
Theniceone Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 He could not get vaccation earlier,now he can. What was explanation for this? Is this aunt sick? Is there a special event going on? He may not be seeing other women but as others have said you are more into this relationship than he is. Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Unless he as given you a reason to not trust him. I would try to focus on getting to know him and see if indeed you two are compatible enough for marriage and learn to trust him. You are going to see him soon then? You bought your ticket? When will he know if his vacations are approved? It is clear you do not trust him. We do not have evidence to see who's in the wrong here, but either way I do not see why I would consider marrying someone I can't trust. Have you behaved that way in previous relationships if you had any? I have no idea when he will know,he maybe already knows. When i look back ,i have had many fights with my ex as well.But no i was not insecure with him,this i started feeling only recently Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 What was explanation for this? Is this aunt sick? Is there a special event going on? He may not be seeing other women but as others have said you are more into this relationship than he is. No nothing he says he never visited her before and thought it was a nice time doing it now,since his sister was going there Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Both of you plan to get married? When you don't trust him, delete him of fb after a fight, he didn't want to put the relationship on fb and you made him, you constantly fight and break up, you make dates with other men and you barely know each other, those are some serious red flags and no marriage material..you don't marry someone you don't trust, you don't marry someone when you make dates with other men, that is a disaster waiting to happen. Marriage is not some romantic fantasy and it is not a way to create or safe a relationship,I don't see a real committed relationship here, just a lot of immature drama and certainly no grounds to get married, that is just asking for divorce trouble to be honest.. Why the hurry? Why not get to really know each other and build a stable foundation,a stable relationship first? Link to comment
Theniceone Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I have no idea when he will know,he maybe already knows. /QUOTE] I guess you should be asking him the question then.... If you want a relationship together you should work together to make it happen, which includes taking the time to know each of your availabilities, constraints and work up a visit schedule. If you do not do that...it is just words. Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 I have no idea when he will know,he maybe already knows. /QUOTE] I guess you should be asking him the question then.... If you want a relationship together you should work together to make it happen, which includes taking the time to know each of your availabilities, constraints and work up a visit schedule. If you do not do that...it is just words. Thanks you are right Link to comment
amila Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 But the date never happened,i am not in touch with the guy anymore.He said he will change in relationship when he feels our relationship is enough stable,he barerly posts anything on his wall.I have talked with some friends and apparently many guys in the start avoid relationship status,I am not trying here to come up with excuses for him.The whole big picture is that i was the one that made us the way we are now.Thats what stops me from breaking up Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 But the date never happened,i am not in touch with the guy anymore.He said he will change in relationship when he feels our relationship is enough stable,he barerly posts anything on his wall.I have talked with some friends and apparently many guys in the start avoid relationship status,I am not trying here to come up with excuses for him.The whole big picture is that i was the one that made us the way we are now.Thats what stops me from breaking up I don't have a relationship status on FB because the less about me on the internet the better. Mine doesn't say anything. I hide it. You yourself says he barely posts on FB, so FB is not a big deal to him. So don't make it a deal. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 btw, if you live in other countries and don't see eachother, are you really in a relationship at all? It seems you spend more time worrying about what he is doing or the relationship status that he isn't posting rather than actually spending being in a relationship and getting to know one another. Honestly, if a long distance relationship doesn't include a clear end game then its not worth continuing? (in person relationship, then the other person goes away to school for a year, but is coming back, or the two of you are in a position to relocate if the relationship seems promising not to marry but to live in the same town to further get to know eachother.) Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Perhaps he wants to visit family and focus on them for a while, not you. You seem like the type of girlfriend who is hanging on her man ever moment of every day (when he's in town) and that is too overwhelming for any relationship. Do you also call out of work when he's in town? Do you demand that he find the time to visit more often? Do you call and text him constantly when he is gone? When he's around and wants to do something like run to the store for some beer, do you insist that you go with him? If you answered yes to any of those... you need to step back and try to learn to love being alone, which may mean being alone for while (as in, single). Link to comment
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