Still hurting after 2 years.....

[kitcat1980]

Okay so this is crazy....after 2 years I am still hurting for this loser that I dated for 14 months. I met him through his sister whom I worked with for 7 or so years prior. I thought he could "save" me from my ex-boyfriend who was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive towards me and who I just couldn't get away from. It started out great- he was really sweet, attentive, and spoiled me. I got along great with his mother(who he lives with still at 38 years old) and his son and the rest of the family. He was a lot of fun to be around and a practical joker most of the time. I guess after a while he just got tired of me and my excessive "niceness" and lack of a backbone, so he started treating me like . He would not call some days until late when he was thoroughly drunk, would lie about stupid stuff, was always "working" ie drinking til late at night, said if I wanted to live with him I could come live in his mother's basement. His sister of course took his side of the story and insinuated that I was bi-polar and that her brother couldn't deal with my moods. So in a heated argument one night when he never called to let me know he wasn't coming over, I told him to go to Hell and broke up with him. It has been torture on me ever since-everything I see reminds me of him and our "happy" times together. I even moved 900 miles away and still I'm mentally tortured by this guy who doesn't give a damn about me anymore. I have been really depressed lately and I just accepted his sister as a "friend" on my Facebook again-stupid mistake-she knows I'm lonely, desperate, and still hurting over her brother, so she can "stick it to me" with her sugary sweet comments about my daughter and how much she luuuuvs her own boyfriend. So, I ask anybody still reading this long-winded rant, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can't I move on and get over this loser. I feel like, after 2 years, that I am still in love with him or maybe just the fantasy of him. I haven't spoken to him since February of this year and that was a mistake in itself-he made promises he didn't intend on keeping as usual. I need some advice on ways of moving on so that someday I may be able to meet a great guy who treats me like I deserve to be treated. I feel stuck on "Wally" and can't move forward. PLEASE HELP.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you should consider therapy to help you work through your feelings.

[blackgnat]

Write down all the good times and all the bad times. I bet the bad outweighs the good.

 

You are doing that "euphoric recall" way of thinking, when you are romanticizing the relationship.

 

He sounds pretty horrible, quite honestly.

 

You have to try and be realistic. You have been broken up for quite a while now. He doesn't care about you. Please don't stay connected to him via his sister. It's only going to hurt you and I imagine that you're really only doing it to find out about him.

 

Try dating other people so that you can see that there are some good men who will appreciate you. Find one who makes you understand that your ex didn't hang the moon. Fill your time with things and people that interest you and make you feel good about yourself. Hang out with people who will take your mind off this person who really doesn't deserve the amount of energy your brain is using while you're obsessing about him.