Ex-friend taking drastic measures to contact me...

[bat man]

I was friends with this guy for 11 years and the friendship started to become toxic early this year. So I took the "silent fade" approach - I blocked him from FB and LinkedIn, and blocked his number on my phone. Today, I found out he has been taking some crazy measures to contact me. Here are the things he has done:

 

-He called my previous place of work, asking them for my work email address. He sent me an email to that address to call him.

-He emailed my mother, and in that email he wrote that over the past few months he has tried to text, call, email, and message me on FB/LinkedIn but to no avail. He also wrote her that I should contact him ASAP.

-Yesterday, someone from his company viewed my LinkedIn profile (I have LinkedIn Premium which shows my profile visitors). So he should know I blocked him on LinkedIn.

 

I am creeped out by the various means he has tried to contact me. Can't he take a hint? Just watch him come over to my house...LOL. I've considered directly confronting him, but that would cause more drama. I've moved on with my life and don't want to deal with him, because he's not a friend!

 

Thoughts/suggestions?

[abitbroken]

If he emailed you to call him, email back and ask what he wants. if he never behaved in that manner, maybe he really has something important. If he emails back and says he needs to talk to you by phone, don't. And if he cant give you an explanation, then don't respond back. Maybe others would advise differently, though, and tell you to continue to ignore him. But maybe if you find out what he wants he will stop contacting everyone you know?

[catfeeder]

Only you know what 'toxic' means and what, exactly, was the last straw for you.

 

If you'd care to elaborate more, we might be able to help better.

 

Based only on what you've said, once I consider someone toxic I'm no longer up for knowing what they want from me. I'm quick to assume that they want money or help in some way, like a jail bailout, and I'd rather not tangle with an uncomfortable need to turn them down.

 

I'd keep doing what you're doing--avoid him. If he had any 'good' reason for wanting contact with you, he'd have explained it to your Mom rather than ordering her to blindly deliver his message.

 

In my book, nothing 'good' enough to share with Mom would mean nothing 'good' would come of contact.

 

Head high.

[bat man]

If you'd care to elaborate more, we might be able to help better.

 

He has started to become more negative and jealous. Jealous about my life achievements. I even called him out on his jealousy but he denied it. He even made a racially insensitive joke toward me when I last met him. He also was critical of some choices I made in the past. Not a positive, supportive friendship there.

[bat man]

update: so he sent my mom yet ANOTHER email. basically said he is surprised he hasn't heard from us, has tried to contact us several times, and that if he can do anything to help, he is there. what the heck?

[catfeeder]

update: so he sent my mom yet ANOTHER email. basically said he is surprised he hasn't heard from us, has tried to contact us several times, and that if he can do anything to help, he is there. what the heck?

 

You're the only one here who knows the guy, so you're better positioned than anyone here to answer that.

 

You and your Mom are each capable of deciding how you want to handle this: ignore him, block him or respond. You choice and your Mom's may be different. I'd discuss this with her if you're concerned about her accepting his messages or feel pressured by her to do what you don't want to do.

 

My best,

Cat