my ex contacted me exactly one month after initiating NC

[ezra]

Some back story:

My ex and I broke up back in June. He was the dumper. His reasons? Said he had fallen out of love with me and that he no longer wanted to be with me. After breaking up, I found out thanks to one of his close friends and himself that he was unfaithful to me. Went to clubs, danced in inappropriate way with girls, flirted with them, and even made out with one while we were starting our relationship. At the beginning of the BU I was a train wreck, I totally lost it and begged and pleaded like there was no end, despite knowing that he had been unfaithful. I just wanted to get back with him and feel secure.

This situation went on for 1 month, until I initiated NC. He said he wanted space and wanted to move on from me. And that was the last straw. Someone was literally kicking me out of their life. No apologies, no explanations, nothing.

 

I decided that I wanted to heal, so I blocked him everywhere - Facebook, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Instagram, all the social networks, except my phone. One week ago one of his close friends started messaging me (which was odd, because we didn't have a reason to talk) and I knew it was my ex trying to reach out. I ignored him. Yesterday, his friend texted me: (Exes name) wants to know about you. I replied: I'm fine, and there's nothing more that he needs to know. He kept on saying that it was OK for me to contact my ex even though we were broken up and I lost it and wrote like I was speaking to my ex saying that there was no need for us to talk, as we are broken up and that he needs to move on. He said my ex only wanted to talk to me. I said: No way. He needs to move on with his life. I've already moved on. He lost me forever.

 

So these are the famous breadcrumbs, right? We study at the same university. I can literally go downstairs, and I would find him. If he had something important to tell me, he would have reached out to me in a more meaningful way. Heck, he could have tried calling me! But instead, messaged me using his friend. I feel like it was totally disrespectful of them.

 

So... I know my ex probably misses me. But I've thought so much about our relationship this month, and I finally got into terms with the fact that it was very toxic. I was being unhappy and he didn't try to make me trust him. He even broke my trust by still having his ex in the picture, and doing all the things I described above. I keep telling myself that I don't need this person in my life, and that he is very immature. As long as he still hangs out with the same group of trash, goes to the same places, he won't change.

 

It seems odd as I was starting to move on, he would contact me. I was starting to think of him less and less.

 

Today I woke up feeling guilty... I felt as though I had rejected my own wish. Because at the bottom of my heart I want to get back with him so bad. But I can't. It wouldn't be right. I closed the door now and I feel like this chapter is closed. I don't think he's going to reach out anymore.

 

This was more of a vent. Today, I can finally say: I don't NEED him in my life. I can be happy without him.

 

There's still a long way to heal, but I know I'm on the right track.

[BigKK]

this kind of crap always tends to happen when you're beginning to break free... they're out of your mind and bam, a little stupid message that makes you think "ohhh what does it mean?"

 

it really means nothing... you can always translate it into... hey I'm having a lonely few days, mind reminding me how much you want me so that I can get a quick little ego boost and move on once I'm satisfied.

 

 

my only advice is don't bother responding to the friend's about your ex either.

[offplanet]

Don't put any store by the idea that he might be missing you. Remember that he was unfaithful to you, and that he dumped you. He can't give you the security you crave. It'd be tempting to respond if he wanted to get back with you but that would be to make up for (in your mind) the fact that you were rejected, not because it'd be a good idea! Better to work on becoming strong and independent on your own. Don't let your happiness and self esteem depend on how another person sees you. Don't get sucked back in.

[ezra]

Update: We are talking now. He took me out for dinner Saturday night. He's been texting me since then. He says he wants to get back together with me. He's always planning on visiting me on my free time, and is happy for seeing me. But I feel something... I thought I would be happy having him back. But surprisingly... I just hate how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like some hope could arise. Ok, there's no doubt he wants to be in a relationship with me because he has made that clear. We are taking things very, very, very slow. But I just feel I'm too resented for how he made me feel. I don't love him. I don't feel the same. Now it's like we inverted roles. He's the one initiating everything always, and I just respond. When he calls I'd rather not talk to him. I don't even think about him throughout the day.

 

I'm confused. He was the reason of my unhappiness when he broke up with me, but now that he's come back, I don't want him. Maybe because I'm too hurt or the damage was too much. But I don't feel ready. I want to date other people (in the future)... there's something very strong within me that says that he isn't the one for me and I would be very unhappy. Honestly I feel like I'm emotionally unavailable right now. My feelings have totally cooled off. It's sad... Somehow, I think it's my mind trying to protect itself from more pain.

[sky09]

Bingo. I don't know how close you guys were, but his infidelity should stop you from any further contact. You don't need a cheater back in your life, imho.

[zentoCC]

I think you need to let him know that and cut contact. By dragging it out you'll only get tied up in emotion and confused. You don't want that to happen.

[Ms Darcy]

... his infidelity should stop you from any further contact. You don't need a cheater back in your life, imho.

 

If you don't want to be cheated on, one hint - don't go back to someone who cheated on you.