A Strange Journey...

[sushiboat]

Hello everyone! Okay, so let's cut to the chase: My boyfriend and I have just broken up about a week or 2 ago, and I've decided to wait for him. I know many of you may be thinking this is unhealthy or torturous, but I honestly believe (right now, at least) that we could be together again. That he'd be worth waiting for. We were only together for a little over a month, and yet I still have faith. We had something good. Our relationship was strong, and we only wanted what was best for each other. Never even fought, not once, because our communication was strong.. It was really great while it lasted. Sadly, his feelings for me changed after a close friend of his (also my cousin) went NC on him to protect herself (she liked him for awhile). He didn't like her at first (saw her as family), but after she shut him out of her life, he developed feelings for her (she thinks this is ridiculous).. which is why we broke up, of course, because he didn't want to string me along. She's made it clear that she doesn't want him anymore (because she's not about to make a U-turn for nobody), and that they're going to remain friends (they kind of reconciled after summer break). He told me just yesterday that he was trying to get over her.

 

So yeah, about that. I saw him yesterday. Basically, we've been quite LC since the break up, and earlier this week I asked him if he wanted to go out this weekend. He agreed, so that was cool (did I mention we broke it off on good terms?). After picking me up a little early (like 10ish), we went to go get smoothies. The drive there was kind of awkwardly quiet, but things seemed to cool down after we placed our order. We played 2 rounds of Jenga (they have it there, so cool), and that was really fun! I started acting like my usual self once we did. After that, I suggested we go to the park, so we went there. It was nice. Kind of quiet at times, but nice. While we were there, we kept looking for places with shade-too many people tho ahh. But we finally found a spot under a tree. Sat there for awhile, then we moved under this roofed area (now free of other people). I gave him a long, overdo love letter.. He read it for awhile (I admit, it was a bit long..) and then we decided to sit under the tree again. He joked about framing it, pffft. Sigh, so there we were, sitting under the tree. Quiet, of course.. I personally didn't find the silence awkward, but i dunno about him. Anyways, small talk flew bye, and I worked up the courage to ask him, "Can I have a hug"?. So we did.. he hugged me. I was so happy.. We hugged, and after a few minutes, I scooted away, because I didn't want to make things awkward.. yet, to my surprise, he actually pulled me in for a hug, telling me to get closer. Then he pulled me in for a cuddle. I couldn't believe what was happening, didn't even expect it.. We were distant the whole time until this, and suddenly we're on cuddle terms. I mean, I guess? Then we were just lying on the grass up close, chastely touching each other (is it possible for cuddling to be chaste, yet intimate? that's how it felt), and just enjoying the closeness. It was so comfortable.. okay, just bit weird, because he knew how much I love being this close to him. He knew how it made my heart skip a beat whenever he pulls me closer.. I wrote it all in the love letter.. sigh. We cuddled for quite awhile. And while we did, we talked about stuff. The first question I asked was if he thought we could ever try again in the future. He said possibly, because who knows.. I then asked how he felt about me, and he said i dunno.. He then shook his head after I asked if he had feelings for me right now.. he also shook his head when I asked if he thought I currently had a chance.. He told me he was trying to get over my cousin. So yeah, mixed signals.. we talked about this all while holding each other, sigh. That boy doesn't want me to wait for him.. He wants me to be happy.. yet he also gave me some hope, all because he said that we might have a chance later on, and because of that freaking long cuddle session. Sigh. I ended up going home around 4:30pm that day.. happy. We spent 6-7 hours together.. For the first time since the BU, I literally didn't feel anymore heartache. Instead, I felt hopeful. Happy even. I thought to myself, he's worth waiting for, I just know it. He doesn't think so, but I certainly do..

 

Right now, I have hope for our future.. yet at the same time, I'm letting him go. We're probably going to date other people in the meantime, I dunno. But I won't give up on him until I find someone even better (which seems almost impossible at this point..). I wonder if this is okay... Bells are still ringing in my head. I feel like we could make it work, if only he had feelings for me again.. I'm in too deep, I admit it. Such sadness. Meh. And no, I don't think we're friends with benefits.

 

I wanted to get my thoughts out there, and document my journey, so here you guys go. Hope you enjoy the weirdness that is my life.

 

Any pieces of advice or wisdom is much appreciated. Thank you for reading!

[SooSad33]

Yes, it's best to give him that 'space', as you don't want to be a 'rebound'. Those are painful.

A quick relationship. Ends as fast as it began.

 

Not sure how long he was with your cousin? If a long time, yes, it'll take a while to accept & heal. He'll need that.

His own time.. to work on everything.

Would it not end up awkward at all with you both being related and him around, still? How would he feel about that?

That may end up being a negative for you.

 

I suggest you carry on. Let this go, for now. IF or when he's considered something, he'll let you know.

Meanwhile, carry on with your life. I suggest you don't sit forever & wait on something that has no guarantee's.

[Iggles]

We were only together for a little over a month, and yet I still have faith. We had something good. Our relationship was strong, and we only wanted what was best for each other. Never even fought, not once, because our communication was strong.. It was really great while it lasted. Sadly, his feelings for me changed after a close friend of his (also my cousin) went NC on him to protect herself (she liked him for awhile). He didn't like her at first (saw her as family), but after she shut him out of her life, he developed feelings for her (she thinks this is ridiculous).. which is why we broke up, of course, because he didn't want to string me along.

 

OP, this won't end well for you if you keep pursuing him.

 

He already left you because he developed feelings for someone else. As much as you idealize the relationship, you dated for 4-5 weeks and once his longtime friend admitted having feelings for him he bailed on you.

 

The friend did NOT make a play for your boyfriend. In fact, she decided to cut off contact as to not get in the way and deal with her feelings. Even now, not wanting to be blamed for the break up she is not rushing into his arms! Still he chose to break up with you, as his feelings for you are not as strong as they are for her. In the wake of the your break up he openly admits he is trying to "get over" her instead of you!

 

IF he decided to reconcile with you, you would be second choice. And the woman who is his first choice is your cousin! She will never be fully out of your lives, due to being your family and overlapping social circles amongst your friends. Should she ever change her mind about being with him, you'd have to worry. Do you really want that?

 

Of course, this is just hypothetical, because right now he doesn't consider you an option. He dumped you instead of in his words, "stringing you along". This man is being honest, so listen to what he says. Not what you want him to say. Doesn't matter how long you hung out or hugged. He made it clear that he doesn't want to get back together. He told you when you asked that he is still trying to get over your cousin. That is where his heart is -- not with you.

 

I think you should move on.. When my guy and I first started dating a female friend of his admitted that she had feelings for him. We knew each other for about a month at that point. What he did was tell her he's with someone now and that was that. He chose our relationship because he wanted to be with me and saw a future in us. Two and half years later we are still going strong.

 

Don't make any excuses for your Ex. He didn't choose this path for a reason. Listen to his words, OP. It sucks but there are no mixed signals here. He's told you exactly where you stand and whom he truly has feelings for.

[WithLove]

OP, there are no mixed signals here. He has told you to your face that he doesn't have feelings for you. He's hurting and so are you - cuddling was just to feel a connection with someone at that moment. It's possible he told you that there might be achance for you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. And this may hurt, but I feel like even if you do ever get together, you'll only ever be his second choice.

 

I hope and pray that you decide to move on.

[sushiboat]

I see what you guys mean.. Second choice, huh? Ouch.. Maybe it would be best if I did move on.

 

It's not gonna help how you guys see me as the dumpee, but I'd like to clear a few misinterpretations up..

 

- They were never in a relationship before..

 

- I was his first love, and he was my first, too. (serious relationship..)

 

- My cousin had been pining over him for months trying to get over him.

 

- When he and I got together, he had a talk with her where she confessed her feelings for him (just to let it out. she expected rejection), and he rejected her; because he only saw her as family at the time (he even had a feeling she liked him, but didn't feel the same). Meaning I was never a rebound when we started this.. maybe during the cuddle session, though. Who knows. Sigh.

 

- They've been friends maybe about 2 years..? He and I only about 4 months..

 

- Oddly enough, my cousin and I don't feel awkward around each other anymore, which is good. I don't know how he feels about it, though.

 

I realize now that there were no mixed signals.. I guess I just wanted something that wasn't there, and he was just being nice.

 

Ugh, I think it's gonna be hard for me to move on. I won't be dating for awhile.. I really fell too deep. Invested myself too much...

 

Good thing I finished crying earlier...

 

Thanks for the input, all of you.