A little confused............

[Zoebo2]

I would like some opinions please. I met a guy on-line a week ago who is really very nice compared to previous dates which I have posted about. I get a real good gut feel from him, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he is down to earth and very open. His initial message to me went like this:

 

“I have just seen your profile and would be very keen to be your special guy! I am just in the process of selling my house which is close to your area. Looking at your interests I can safely say they are exactly what I like. Cards on the table, I am recently separated so looking for someone to share some fun and companionship after a bad few years. I am funny and witty. I am looking to meet someone else, and I am looking at moving on with my life and am ready for the next chapter. I am a normal hardworking guy who you can trust”……blah, blah.

 

We arranged to meet and we got on like a house on fire. There is no doubt that there was an instant connection. We feel extremely comfortable around each other and it’s like we have known each other for years. He talks to me on the phone and texts me when we are not seeing each other, despite it only having been a week, he is also very attentive. I did actually say to him considering he is recently separated why he not feels the need to get out there and play the field before venturing into a new relationship. He told me it’s not in his character to want to do that.

 

He is separated from his wife, they haven’t been happy for the past few years, he has two little girls and his wife has a new man in her life. He is in the process of selling the house and is currently living with his parents and has for the past two months. He runs his own business and seems to juggle things quite well. He said he feels relieved to be away from his ex with all the arguments etc.

 

So on the first date he said he wasn’t looking to fall in love, (after a couple of glasses of wine) despite the headline in his profile saying “looking for love”. It also stated he is looking for a relationship. He also mentioned that he doesn’t want to jump from one relationship to another, but would like to take things slow and see how it goes and I get that a 100%.

 

I am very happy to take things slow myself, I understand his situation, but am a little perplexed as to how his profile is saying one thing and he is saying another, looking for love and that he is ready to move on with the next chapter of his life. I don’t want to come down heavy on him, because there really is no rush on my part and I am happy with that, but why is he saying different things? He is easy enough to talk to and I feel I could probably sound him out on it, but I was interested to see what others think?

[freewill1234]

You've only known him for a week so you don't know if he wears his heart on his sleeve. His profile says one thing, he says another when he meets you in person. He's separated, not divorced yet and is still tying up some loose ends. Even though he says he's relieved to be away from the EX, it doesn't mean he's emotionally over it yet.

 

Take things slow, see what happens but I wouldn't put all your eggs in his basket just yet.

[ecaryn]

If your eventual goal is a relationship, then I would move on from this one. Aside from him telling you directly that he's not interested in anything serious, he's simply not at a place in his life that should give you hope for anything more than a casual dating friendship. His life is just too much in transition right now.

 

As for his words not matching his profile, I think that's a common strategy. People will 'advertise' themselves using what they think will be good selling points or whatever will get the most attention to their profile. What you need to base your decision on is what you're being told directly.

 

Keep in mind that statements in his profile were meant for EVERYONE, in general. What he said in person was meant for YOU, specifically.

 

And, as a side note, I'm almost always immediately put off by anyone who has to tell me that they are trustworthy. Seems to me that if it were true, you wouldn't feel the need to advertise it like it's some sort of a bonus feature.

[missmarple]

What he wants is 'fun and companionship', not a relationship...and it makes sense..the guy is still married.

[SooSad33]

"I am recently separated so looking for someone to share some fun"

- That's what you need to remember.

 

"I understand his situation, but am a little perplexed as to how his profile is saying one thing and he is saying another, looking for love and that he is ready to move on with the next chapter of his life"

- He is not ready. Mentally or emotionally. He is STILL dealing with his past broken relationship.

 

Yes, it may have come down fast with him when you two met up, because it often does in the beginning and so do 'Rebounds'.

Watch carefully for Red flags with this one. Look up rebound relationships.

[SpottiOtti]

Proceed with caution. This guy appears to be looking for a rebound.

[SoulTaker]

Z, the first think I look for leading up, and during the first date, is whether the profile fits what that person tells you. If they don't match, then it's a red flag for me. I'm not a big advocate of stating a lot in a profile, but if a person does this, then it will be used to evaluate them.

 

Also, colorful statements like "putting my cards on the table" before a first date make no sense. He doesn't even know you, so why go there. He should just say his current status, which is what everyone does. Stating that he's looking for a relationship while recently separated with young children is another red flag. You know nothing of the dynamics of that marriage, no matter what he says.

 

Bottom line is that he is no position for a relationship, and might be saying anything that is necessary to reel you in.

[Cherry009]

I agree with the others, definitely displaying signs of seeking out a rebound! Saying "i want to be your special guy" in his opening message to you is just creepy to me, he doesn't even know you.