My friend won't meet up/hang out with me, since I told her how I feel...

[Tennis Guy]

So, I told one of my (girl) friends that I felt that "something more may be between us" and that I really enjoy hanging out with her. I told her this because she said she “noticed that I was trying really hard to hang out with her lately, and why?” She was dumped by her boyfriend that she was with for at least one and a half years, at the start of May. She then said "That's sweet, but I'm not ready for a relationship and see you as a friend. I then didn't talk to her for about twenty days and texted her asking to see if she wanted to get coffee, and she said "I'm good, but I'm still not ready to date yet and maybe we can get coffee as friends before school starts back up." So, I said "that's fine, because I really enjoy hanging out with you." She then said "Thanks so much for understanding!" and asked me a few more questions but didn't respond to my texts.

 

She then commented on a status on Facebook of mine out of the blue, after I didn't talk to her for almost 20 days. She will text back, but after a while stops. I'm not trying to pursue a relationship with her, and legitimately just want to hang out/meet up with her, but it seems she still thinks I'm trying to date her. I don't talk to her too often, usually around three weeks or a little less... I tried calling her asking to see if she wanted to hangout/meet up or get coffee/whatever but she didn't answer, so I left a voicemail and still haven't heard from her and this will be the third day...

 

So, what should I do now? I called her because she would stop responding to my texts after a while, just to see if she wanted me to call her or would possibly pick up... I feel like texting her today, saying that "I don't know, if you received my voicemail, but I just want to meet up/ hang out as friends, and I'm not trying to date you." Would this be a bad idea? I enjoyed talking to her and hanging out with her and don't want her to not want to hang out with me again.

 

I haven't met up/hung out with her since the beginning of June. I won't be in the same city as her most likely but will be about an hour away and have to come into town sometimes to visit friends/ other business. I recently graduated from the University we attended but may be back in town, if I get a job in the same city. I've never had any friends that are girls before, so I'm not that experienced with making friends with girls. This really stinks... Thank you all for your advice and help, it is greatly appreciated!!!

[Edmund Exley]

You took a shot, she wasn't interested and that killed the friendship. She is actually doing the right thing as she doesn't want to lead you on. Kudos to her, more girls should push guys who are interested out of the friend zone.

[ParisPaulette]

Ditto what Edmund Exley is saying. I've done that exact thing, had a guy friend tell me he wants something more. I dialed it all wayyyyy back after that, because a) I am not going to keep hanging out with someone who so clearly wants more than friendship--it's not fair to them and b) I'm not going to hang out with someone who's got another agenda for being my friend than just being my friend. that's not fair to me.

 

You took a shot, she turned you down, but the friendship is over because she doesn't want to lead you on or have someone around her that has a different agenda than she does. And you need to stop contacting her, because you've done so often enough now that if she hasn't responded it's starting to look a tad desperate like you're refusing to accept her decision not to be friends and are trying to force her to respond to you and give you want you want--i.e. to see her.

 

You cannot force a friendship or contact with someone who clearly does not want it.

[catfeeder]

So, what should I do now?

 

Don't call her, let her call you.

 

Friends are on equal footing with no other investment than friendship. The problem with trying to be 'friends' after revealing feelings for something more is that you're no longer a friend--you've changed the footing. You now have an agenda.

 

You're best pulling back and allowing her to contact you when she wants to.