Help! I can't get away!!

[bobbob]

Long story short we broke up because she didn't want a relationship at the time and wanted to work on herself. I reacted like any other idiot by chasing her for a month until I cut contact in the second month. We were together close to a year and a half. Our last contact was bad and it involved her saying she never wanted anything to do with me. 3 months post breakup I get word that she's found someone new despite everything she said. We were on our summer break for uni for a month so during that month it really helped me heal a lot by not seeing her or having to hear about her.

 

The problem started 2 weeks ago when our new semester was starting so I had to see her around campus and during club activities as we share the same group of friends and are in the same club. Seeing her did affect me at times making me sad that I lost her and other times making me angry that she would do everything that she's done to me. The real problem started this week which is about 4 months post breakup. Since it's been unavoidable that I'd see her when I hangout with friends and especially during club meetings, I've been hearing her talk about her new boyfriend more than I would like. She would talk about him with our friends and our friends would bring him up occasionally. So obviously this got to me.

 

But that's not even the best part, I was at my friends open house last Saturday and guess who came?? Yeap her new boyfriend. I was pretty pissed that the host (my friend) didn't inform me that he would be coming. When I asked her why she didn't tell me she said she was worried that I wouldn't come if she mentioned it because she really wanted me to come. So I sat down at the same table with this guy and had to act like I didn't wanna run both of them over with my car (my ex and him). Another friend of mine brought along a friend so she introduced me to him, and after her friend was done introducing himself, my ex's new boyfriend says out loud "hey no introduction for me?" (Which one of my friends thought was pretty rude of him to push himself onto me despite me being her ex). So I had to talk to him and shake his hand which I was extremely courteous in doing the entire time. I had some food hung out for about an hour with everyone until I had to leave because I had another open house to attend. So I said goodbye to everyone except for my ex (not on talking terms) but I did say goodbye to her new boyfriend even shaking his hand again.

 

Okay so that ordeal was done with and I got through it pretty unscathed so I thought the worst was over. Hah I was never more wrong. Today after classes at uni I was walking around and guess who I see with her in campus? Yeap my ex and her new boyfriend again. He doesn't even go to our university and he was there. It pisses me off because it's like he's at every ing place I turn. It's not like I'm going out of my way to bump into them, the campus is small so I'm bound to see them. I thought the worst I would have to deal with in uni was seeing my ex, not having to see my ex being all cutesy with her new boyfriend! There's really no escaping it and it's really beginning to take a toll on me. I feel like I might fall into depression again if I keep seeing him at every god damn turn. And I know if he's comfortable with coming to my uni once he'll definitely be coming again so I'm gonna be seeing more of him.

 

So what can I do? How do I avoid this? Anyone have any idea how to make all this easier on myself? The campus is really small so no there's not really any alternative route I could use to avoid them. Help please!!

[Jehst1987]

Hey mate. I've been there myself. I was with a girl for 1.5 years and within a few months of breaking up she was seeing someone else seriously. We shared the same friendship group and i had to see them together often. All I can say is that it sucks initially, but you have to deal with it in your own way. In a few months/years you'll see her with someone else and it won't bother you one bit. Trust me. Keep acting with dignity the way you are. Try not to resent you ex if you can. Hold your head up high. Be attractive when you see them and by that I mean act attractively and you'll be cool. Take it easy.

[autumnsun]

Why not try to focus on moving on from your anger? She broke up with you; she is allowed to meet someone new and form a new relationship, no matter what she has said to you in the past. You go to the same university, you share friends, you participate in the same club.... You either accept it is over and embrace the awkwardness of them both being around until it isn't awkward or.... avoid your friends and club until you can handle it.

[bobbob]

Jehst how did you handle it? I try really hard to be normal but sometimes I feel just too awkward. It's just so annoying how he's appearing everywhere like a constant reminder that he's with my ex. I think so far I've been really courteous towards him but I feel like I'm trying too hard and I really don't want my ex and her new bf to pick up on that cause it'll just feed their ego.

[AutumnBorn]

I'll tell you what I'd do - fake it 'til you make it. I'd smile slightly, nod in a 'hey, I see you' way, and keep moving. The more you act cool and confident, the more you'll feel that way. It'll begin to feel natural.

 

Honestly, I think the new guy did the right thing. It's not his fault you and your ex broke up and you're feeling this way today, so please don't blame him for wanting to break the ice. It had to be incredibly awkward for him, too. Of course, he realizes the three of you will run into each other again and the sooner the acknowledgements are made, the sooner things will feel a bit more natural.

[Jehst1987]

Jehst how did you handle it? I try really hard to be normal but sometimes I feel just too awkward. It's just so annoying how he's appearing everywhere like a constant reminder that he's with my ex. I think so far I've been really courteous towards him but I feel like I'm trying too hard and I really don't want my ex and her new bf to pick up on that cause it'll just feed their ego.

 

Play it cool. Be confident and pretend it doesn't bother you. It will of course inside, but don't let that be visible on the exterior. You'll soon get used to it and you'll no longer have to pretend. You'll get used to it, but you'll also move on, meet someone else, etc, and it will be fine. Believe me. Right now it's awkward for sure, and painful, but you'll be good, trust. As Del Boy would "Play it cool Trigg, play it cool".

[Ms Darcy]

I'm another 'fake it til you make it' advocate. In the meantime, try some sessions with a campus therapist and try to hang out with these friends a bit less/seek new friends.

[bobbob]

Thanks everyone. I'll try to keep faking it till I make it. Ms.darcy I've tried the school counsellor and she only managed to make things worse for me. She's not a really good counsellor lol

[Ms Darcy]

Oh no ... what did the counselor do or not do?

[bobbob]

Well I went to see her during the first week of the breakup and I felt like I was attacked by her. Like she was blaming me for the breakup. And the worst part was that after I told her everything she said that it was just a fight and that we'll definitely get back together in no time. Ya she gave me false hope lol. Never going back to her again.