bobbob

Dear A, I found out that you've been video calling regularly with a guy. Funny how when we were together you didn't want to video call at all because you said it was too expensive. I honestly never thought you would do this to me. All the reasons you gave for the breakup became null after hearing this. You lied to me. I can't and don't even want to imagine what sorts of things you and him are doing. But i noticed you aren't happy. A part of me is happy that you're not happy because it feeds my feelings that I was a good match for you and I made you happy. But another part of me wishes that i could just take away all the pain. I love you still. And I'm hoping that this new guy or rebound guy would just prove to you how wonderful and dedicated of a boyfriend I was. That you should give us a second chance. I know i'd still take you back. Albeit I would make you make up for everything you did. I feel this way because I can feel that we match so well. I don't know why you decided to break things off with me but we matched so well. And I for one, despite everything you've done, am willing to try again. I can only hope you would come to the same realization as me one day. Until then I want to move on. I want to be happy again. I can't let this bring me down.

Dear A, I've been having dreams about you every night for the past 4 days. These dreams were always so vivid as if they were a glimpse into the future although that's probably only my desperation and hope acting out again. In all these dreams it was about us talking about reconciling. In one of those dreams I hugged you while sitting down and I swear i could feel the warmth and your heartbeat just like the old times. I miss you. I love you. And I can't stop thinking and dreaming about you. Last nights dream was about us somewhere that looked very romantic, we were walking hand in hand and I brought up the topic of us getting back together. You giggled and told me it was still too soon. I nudged you a tad bit and you agreed while you did that adorable face of yours. I then said it's okay if you think it's too soon, I don't want to rush this, I want to make it work. You then just giggled and said its okay and grabbed my arm and got closer to me. It all seemed so real. Waking up and realizing that we broke up was so painful. A part of me still hopes you'll come back one day. That all these dreams i've been having were not dreams, but glimpses into our future.

Dear A, I still think of you on a daily basis. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last before I go to bed. I can't get you out of my thoughts no matter how much i try. I love you still, too much in fact... I miss you so much... I can only wonder whether you miss me even just a little bit too. I just feel like we're still made for each other. We connected way beyond anyone else. Maybe if I listened to you more, lowered my ego more, we'd still be together. My insecurities got the better of us and I became clingy. You couldn't do anything without me wanting to tag along which is pathetic. I just love you so much. I didn't want to lose you, but little did I know that me holding on to tightly is what really killed us. It's ridiculous how it's been nearly 4 months and I still love you as much as I ever have. You were my baby, my one and only baby. And i've lost you. My gut feeling says we'll get back together one day but I know how unhealthy it is for me to hold onto such baseless feelings. Our entire breakup feels like a sequence of unfortunate events. It feels like we were supposed to last but ultimately we didn't. Maybe we just met at the wrong time. If I was more mature and secure with myself perhaps we wouldn't have broken up. I know this breakup wasn't your fault. I drove you away by suffocating you with my love. I didn't give you space. I didn't let you be you. I pressured you too much. And I know it was because of my insecurities. I miss you dearly. I really really miss you, your company, your voice... I love you too much to let you go. Every day I pray that god would somehow reunite us when the time is right. I know I have a lot of maturing to do. I know I need to fix myself. I just really hope that you would give us a second chance. Because I know for sure that we can be something great. If we're given a second chance, I can promise you that I would give you the space you need. I can promise you that I wouldn't pressure you for anything any longer. You can be you without any guilt, I can wholeheartedly admit that I will be comfortable with you doing your own things because I love you. I love you for who you are. I love every aspect of you. I don't know why I still feel as though you're still in love with me. That all those things you said to me were for me, so I wouldn't be holding onto you while you sort out your own life. That deep down, you still love me. If you do, please know that i'm here, still having faith in the love we shared. Still hoping my gut feeling is right, that you would come back to me one day. I love you A. I love you more than you can ever imagine. I pray, I hope, our paths will cross and you'll see how much of a wonderful future we can build together. I love you A, we deserve a second chance once we're all sorted out, we really do. Miss you, and love you with all my heart.