6th date. Felt very strongly but now feeling ambivalent.

[snappy5]

Met this guy two months ago and went on a couple dates. He grew distant after the second date but we reconnected again this month. He was honest about becoming exclusive with someone he was dating but then changed his mind a week later. I'm fine with it since we didn't know each other save for a couple drinks and hanging out, no dinner involved.

 

I've seen him three times last week and again today. Always been a good time and I felt crazy about him after this last weekend.

 

Fast forward to today. I met him at his house to make lunch together and watched him play his cello. I enjoyed making lunch with him; I think we clicked well since he was able to augment what I had brought and made the experience more fun. He is great at the cello and I enjoyed it a lot. Makes me definitely want to pickup on my violin skills again.

 

But part of me feels he's not that interested for some reason and he's simply being polite. I'm not sure if these feelings are warranted or me being silly and over analyzing things, which I have a tendency to do. I noticed he was somewhat avoidant with his phone at one point, checking his messages with the screen tilted away. At other times he was completely candid with a phone call he got and also leaving his phone about.

 

I know I shouldn't expect exclusivity at this point. I talked to a friend briefly after this encounter and she mentioned how if they're dating other people that it does take away the interest a bit if you realize you aren't the only one he's seeing. I guess I'd like to know his interest level is to a certain point where it's worth me getting more emotionally invested. Another part of me things it's good to keep your options open.

 

What are your takes on this? This isn't a big deal and I will keep seeing him. But it does take a bit of the magic out of it when I realized it. I've always been pretty good about dating one person at a time, especially if it involved some spit swapping.

 

Lastly he did initiate a kiss with me before I left. It was pleasant but I was distracted by some of those thoughts. Now I'm questioning whether we're really that compatible or if my emotions are getting ahead of me.

[ParisPaulette]

I would continue to see other guys and keep your own options open since yes, he is. That's what the whole looking at his phone screen was about. The fact is he already passed you over for someone else once and only got back to you after the other relationship didn't go anywhere. That doesn't indicate a huge amount of interest, but you are apparently in the running with whoever else he is seeing. And honestly, I don't think that's such a bad thing at this point for either of you to continue seeing other people. All too often one person likes the other, then stops looking and starts to focus everything on this future relationship while the other person is still out there looking around and only focused on a good time or the possibilities before they even really even know each other.

 

I think all too often people rush things looking for an insta-relationship and I would urge you to not give up, but don't do all the reaching either. And don't stop going out with other men at this point. You have a possible maybe and that's just not enough to take yourself out of the market just yet. when I was dating I found it was a mistake to stop dating others the moment I had a prospect, because I tended to get involved way too fast and to have a bit of a scarcity going, which made me more vulnerable to ignoring red flags and excusing away things or putting up with things I wouldn't otherwise. That's just me, but it's a whole lot harder to excuse away someone who keeps looking at their phone all night with the screen turned away from you when you've just been on a date with another guy who wants to hear all about you. It puts things into perspective and reminds you that you are a catch and if you don't like one date's behavior you can move on to the next one.

 

With this guy I'd say let him express interest, plan dates and activities and show there's interest there. And in the meantime you see other guys too and make other plans, some of which you'll have to tell this guy, "Sorry, not that night, because I have something else planned." You don't have to rub their face in it, but don't hide that you're seeing other people, because at this point you aren't exclusive and you don't have to answer to him either. And it may be that one of the other men you start dating will be more interested and interesting. There's something to the phrase not putting all your eggs into one basket and that applies to dating too. But if you go on a couple more dates and he's still looking at his phone and hiding the screen from you then I'd end it, just because I think that's sort of rude. Sure, date other people, but when you're on a date at least have the manners to leave the phone alone unless it's work, you say it's work, you take two minutes to handle whatever it is your boss wants then you get back to your date.

[El0t]

If he's someone you're potentially interested in pursuing a relationship with down the line, communication is key. If you're curious to know if he's seeing other people or what his thoughts are about you and him as you currently stand, then ask. If you're going on dates there's no harm in just being honest about how you're feeling and open about if either of you is still seeing other people. Everyone has a different opinion and perspective when it comes to dating, so getting on the same page is important. If you're both interested in a relationship it might take some expectation adjustment on both your parts, but being able to talk openly is the first step to figuring out how you're feeling and why. Best of luck!

[snappy5]

He looked at his phone once during the time I was there with the tilted screen. I also received a phone call a a few texts, which he knows due to the ringtones.

 

We kissed when we parted and he definitely lingered a bit and kissed me again. That was nice.

 

Texted him saying I had fun and felt like a giddy school girl. He then asked to see me again this weekend, Saturday night.

He then realized I told him I was camping this weekend. So he almost recinded his suggestion.

 

I replied I wanted to give him a nice hug. Will get back to him about meeting Saturday as I don't plan on spending the entire weekend camping. Depends on how fun it is honestly when I meet up with my friends.

 

I was reluctant to be emotionally vulnerable to him, especially if he's seeing others. But it seemed to have worked out well and evoked him to be more upfront about how he's feeling too.

 

I would continue to see others but I simply am not too keen on most people I meet. Plus there's a dearth of men who are into Asian guys around here that don't stereotype you as some exotic and submissive entity. I'll play it cool and see how it goes.

[Wildhorses]

He was honest about becoming exclusive with someone he was dating but then changed his mind a week later.

 

He knew the girl wanted exclusivity before sleeping with him. He told her he wanted exclusivity, slept with her and dumped her. Pump and dump. This will be you next if you are not careful. If you want to see him again, go ahead, but pay attention. You are having some serious doubts for a reason. Listen to your gut. I am having a similar situation in that I"m not sure what the guys intentions are but my gut is telling me he is a good guy and giving it time but cautiously. There are a couple of minor things making me unsure on a conscious level, but not as significant as these. I did date a guy who knew I wanted exclusivity and then when he got what he wanted he bailed. He saw another woman after that, and did the exact same thing. In fact, he was always looking at his phone when he was with me, secretive, etc. She was one of the women he was working on. After that was done, then started calling me again for a fix.

[reinventmyself]

I echo others opinions here. Definitely date others. It helps to take your focus off of him a little. Not to mention that you don't feel as vulnerable.