About to crack.

[deadmareish]

Okay. So I know I post here a lot. It's just I'm having constant trouble and I feel better for posting my thoughts on here, if not just for the wonderful advice, but I totally feel lighter having expressed everything!

 

So the saga with my ex continues. I tried to tell him I couldn't be his friend right now, but that didn't work out great. I promise guys, your advice doesn't go to waste I really try but its just so god damn hard to stay away right now.

The thing is I keep telling myself what an awful, selfish person he is and how I find that unattractive but I keep um-ing and ah-ing about whether I have feelings for him or not. It seems like I do, but then I'm just not sure if it's because I'm just lonely? Do I hang out with him because I want his company, or do I hang out with him because I know that he's the only person that is free to do so? We always end up having sex unless we meet in public places, but that's not the issue. I'm not a 'Sex means everything' kind of girl. Sex is sometimes just physical and that's ok. I think it's fun.

 

I know he wants me to be his friend so we can basically have our relationship but without the commitment, because that's how it is. We act basically like we did in our relationship, only without the public affection. He's came up with multiply excuses now about why he broke up with me. The most recent and the one he's seeming to stick to is that I was too clingy and that I never really left him alone, and even though I said it will never happen again, that's something that can be controlled... he said he doesn't want to 'risk' it. So now I'm thinking - what a load of bull. There has to be another girl involved right? He has this really close friend - that he's known for about the same time we were together (2 years) and I always thought their relationship was innocent, I never felt threaten before. We would even joke about how they were so close she was like his other girlfriend. But he says he's going to see her in her hometown - which is quite far, sometime soon. So, is he keeping me at arms length so something can happen with her? I'm terrified if this is the case. What a slap in the face that would be! The 3 weeks he was at uni and we had broken up he says nothing happened with her, and I do believe him. But that doesn't mean he didn't want anything to happen? Maybe I am being paranoid.

I'm thinking of just asking him outright? See what he has to say. I can always tell when he's lying...

 

Also, finally... I'm thinking of just taking the plunge and asking him out to see if we could try going on a date? What do you think his answer is likely to be? LOL.

 

I'm sorry I do such long post - like I said I like to just get my thoughts down somewhere in the open. But any advice is appreciated

[SooSad33]

"So the saga with my ex continues. I tried to tell him I couldn't be his friend right now, but that didn't work out great. I promise guys, your advice doesn't go to waste I really try but its just so god damn hard to stay away right now."

- You can, but you're feeling weak in that area, so you've caved in.

 

" I keep telling myself what an awful, selfish person he is and how I find that unattractive but I keep um-ing and ah-ing about whether I have feelings for him or not."

- Of course you do, but you still keep giving in.

 

"Sex is sometimes just physical and that's ok. "

- Ex sex is never really a good thing. It can end up messing you up more. And for him. it's likely he's using you to get over you.

 

"I know he wants me to be his friend so we can basically have our relationship but without the commitment, because that's how it is."

- You can't normally be a 'friend' with an Ex, until those feelings are gone...

 

This is why.. "There has to be another girl involved right?"

 

" is he keeping me at arms length so something can happen with her?"

- Yes, could very well be..

 

"I'm thinking of just asking him outright? See what he has to say. I can always tell when he's lying..."

- WHY are you torturing yourself this way??

1) you two are NOT involved anymore, you're broken up now, right? He owes you nothing then. What he's doing now is HIS business.

2) You have to back off and stop meddling with him but you won't cause you're weak and asking for more pain.

 

You're wanting to ask your 'ex' out on a date.. when you feel there may be another gal in the picture?

 

I think you need to start working on 'accepting' the facts now. I know it's hard and you're letting him use you.

You need to get some self respect and self esteem back. Don't let this carry on anymore.

 

He's NOT seeing you anymore. Sex is just that. Nothing more. If he broke up with you, YOU need to understand this.

Stop chasing him or you'll just keep getting hurt.

[deadmareish]

[]

 

" is he keeping me at arms length so something can happen with her?"

- Yes, could very well be..

 

"I'm thinking of just asking him outright? See what he has to say. I can always tell when he's lying..."

- WHY are you torturing yourself this way??

1) you two are NOT involved anymore, you're broken up now, right? He owes you nothing then. What he's doing now is HIS business.

2) You have to back off and stop meddling with him but you won't cause you're weak and asking for more pain.

 

Just to clarify i wouldn't mind too much if he got with some one else, eventually it's going to happen i know this.

But i just don't want it to be that girl, i mean ... he told her all our relationship stuff... i hung out with her and i trusted both of them. It would hurt SO much if something happened between those two. But It just would be unbearable to me if they ever got together.

[jjkk]

Just to clarify i wouldn't mind too much if he got with some one else, eventually it's going to happen i know this.

But i just don't want it to be that girl, i mean ... he told her all our relationship stuff... i hung out with her and i trusted both of them. It would hurt SO much if something happened between those two. But It just would be unbearable to me if they ever got together.

 

Unfortunately you have no control over that. None. It doesn't matter what you do or say if he's going to get w/ that girl, he will. Considering how bad it would hurt you if they do end up together, it's probably in your best interest to not talk to him anymore (go NC) so you don't find out about it.

[deadmareish]

Ok so, me and my ex ended up having it out today. Something just got mentioned and I ended up telling him I'm fed up of his hot / cold behaviour and yo-yoing me around. I think I'll finally except it's over now, even though it's the hardest thing. Where do I go from here? 6 years of friendship and 2 years of relationship is a long time. I feel so lost now.