No Contact Support Thread

[Nate92]

Hi everyone. I thought I would submit a new thread... since my previous one was stolen. Lol. Please don't use this thread as a personal one!

 

So once again... I thought I would create a new thread where people can come to share their story about their ex and start their life without them! Whether permanent or temporary, it's a difficult step. Share what you think about no contact and anything else that might come to mind. I'm having a lot of trouble with it right now myself. I know I can could use some support, and I'm sure many others could as well!

 

So here is my brief story.

 

I dated a girl for a year and a half in college, and we were so close to each other I thought I would marry her. We were what I thought to be the perfect couple, and I know she thought the same. She broke up with me after that year and a half, and could never give me an honest reason as to why. She is a VERY sensitive girl, so she is very emotionally driven. I believe she became nervous of the future since school was ending. After we broke up, she came back to me, but I was crushed by the break up. I felt like I had heaven pulled out from under me. I resented her to some degree, so I didn't take her back. Instead, we made the mistake of essentially being in a relationship without technically being in one. It happened so gradually that I didn't even think anything of it. After a year we began experiencing problems and college was coming to and end, so we were both moving back home. Either way, as we fizzled out, at some point she started talking with a new guy, and started dating him a month later! I'm a very logical person and I believe fully in my relationship, so I thought of this "fizzling out" as a rough patch that we could work past. Evidently, she did not. Again, she is very sensitive, and I know she was caught up in the storm.

 

Now she is with another guy... It's been about two months since she started dating him, and I tried to reason with her for an entire month not a good choice. She still cares about me, but she says she is happy seeing where things will go with this guy. She has told me it's over and to move on, and that she doesn't feel the same. I know trying to reason with her was futile, but I just wanted to make it work because I knew we would be very happy! And we might be moving to different places, so I feel like I am on a timer. I don't know if this guy is a rebound or not at this point, but I need to stop putting myself out there.

 

I lasted a week, but I contacted her yesterday... back to square one.

 

Any support would be great! Please share what you think about my situation and reinforce my 'no contact' if you think it is the right move!

 

Good luck to everyone else that joins up!

[Digons]

Hey, man. You should really back off now. Give some time. This is probably a rebound. This month, buddy. After that, you contact her. Now, the problem is the month itself.

It hurts so much. I'm on day 21. I was fine these days, but somehow, I started to miss her again. I need help now.

[Nate92]

Thanks, bro. I'm hoping it's a rebound! One month!

 

Day 21!? Great job. Keep it up. Remember this is where it matters... when you miss her. The objective is to make it to the point where you don't miss her, so you're in a state of mind to be the person that stands a chance!

[biwinning]

Hey Nate,

 

Day 1 here. Good luck.

[floridasfinest]

Sup dude,

 

Day 17 here...cant say it has gotten easier, but I do feel better. Like I am not giving into the addiction. Give it time.

[Thoma]

Hey Bro,

Similar situation dated for year in college. She couldn't find a job here moved to NY and we carried a roller coaster relationship for 2 months always wondering and worrying about what the other person was doing and the 4am weekend drunk texts. I'm in a smaller town and she has interned in NY before for 2 months and knows some guy and girl friends.. tough because I feel like she has a lot more opportunity there. Decided I would rather take the pain right away and go NC then keep on the ups and downs until one of us hurt the other. We are all better off and need to concentrate on being the best people possible. Day 2 here not talking .. now just need to remove social media for true NC.

[wtc540]

I am on 5 days of NC. I was originally at 8 but figuring out that she was dating the coworker I was suspecting before the breakup caused me to text her a lot of bad stuff. She said the guy had hugged her and made her feel better. She "imagined" how it would be to go out with someone nice compared to me apparently. This happened before the breakup. We lived together for 3 years and provided her with everything she wanted. We had occasional fights that were a bit tense but that's it.

 

 

I hope it is a rebound but who knows.

[IAmFCA]

LOL I am just here to whine.

 

Why can't we just wake up one day, discover the love of our lives hovering near our beds as if sent by the gods, and be done with it.

[Lisha333]

Wow. I'm glad this board is here!. I'm hurting. I admit, I gave too much too soon. The guy and I fooled around a little (not all the way but plenty) and the next day he didn't call. When I texted him I said I thought you'd call me because the experience made me fee closer to you but obviously it didn't make you feel the same.

 

He types back, "Oh sorry, I'm playing chess. I'll call you when I'm done." By then it was 8:00 p.m. He callled at 10:00 p.m. I didn't bother answering the phone. The message he left sounded like "so, I'm calling, what do you want" I never returned the call. He called me again on my cell still, didn't answer. Next day he called me on cell and landline and left a message on facebook. I refuse to call him back. First of all,

 

I felt dirty, like I had imposed on him and how dare I call him, and second, what was I going to say? What I already told him him. So he left a message saying since he called me many times, he's not going to call me anymore, it's on me.

 

I refuse to call. Yesterday he tagged me in a video he sent which was gross, I merely responded "Yuck". But I'm really hurt. He tends to twist things around and I don't know what do with this. I refuse to call him. In fact, I plan to pull away until the pain subsides.

 

I want to stop checking m fb page because he's on there. It's not even day one. Also, I do business on fb, but I can try and hold out for a month. I need to pull away from him farther than he's pulled away from me. I need the no contact rule. I'm not sure what that means though. Like if he sees me on fb and asks me to chat do I answer and just say I can't talk right now? Part of me is afraid that if I ignore his call he will be gone for good.

[IAmFCA]

I don't know your whole story... to me, it sounds like a spiral that maybe he didn't intend to create. That you felt vulnerable after fooling around and wanted reassurance, and he didn't realize you were feeling needy and so he didn't think anything of it. This sounds more like miscommunication and your fear of being hurt, then him treating you poorly. Seems like he tried to reach out a few times and you rejected him; from his perspective, he was engaged in a game of chess and his head was in a different place. That doesn't sound like his fault.

 

I feel like your feelings were your responsibility, and that it is okay that he didn't feel the same way at the same time. Sometimes we travel at different speeds, or are touched by different things. Why not own up to it and simply say, "I am sorry for freaking out. I was having a moment, and when I couldn't share that moment with you, I felt rejected, even though you didn't actually reject me. That wasn't fair to you."

 

Sorry, I probably am not helping.

[hearthurts73]

I didn't read your whole post but read you saying that you need to stop checking your Facebook to see him, one of the best things I did during my nc (12 days now) is block her, not defriend her, but block her, my heart was racing after I did it but am so happy I did it

[Nate92]

I'm glad you all are commenting.

 

Hey Nate,

 

Day 1 here. Good luck.

 

You as well! I'm with you. This is my second day now.

 

Sup dude,

 

Day 17 here...cant say it has gotten easier, but I do feel better. Like I am not giving into the addiction. Give it time.

 

It seems like at least half of the problem of ceasing contact is the 'addiction'.

 

Hey Bro,

Similar situation dated for year in college. She couldn't find a job here moved to NY and we carried a roller coaster relationship for 2 months always wondering and worrying about what the other person was doing and the 4am weekend drunk texts. I'm in a smaller town and she has interned in NY before for 2 months and knows some guy and girl friends.. tough because I feel like she has a lot more opportunity there. Decided I would rather take the pain right away and go NC then keep on the ups and downs until one of us hurt the other. We are all better off and need to concentrate on being the best people possible. Day 2 here not talking .. now just need to remove social media for true NC.

 

Ah, dude. It is somewhat similar. I'm glad you're looking at it more positively. I'm trying to as well, but it's difficult. I keep caving because she is with another guy. And YES, most definitely remove social media.

 

I am on 5 days of NC. I was originally at 8 but figuring out that she was dating the coworker I was suspecting before the breakup caused me to text her a lot of bad stuff. She said the guy had hugged her and made her feel better. She "imagined" how it would be to go out with someone nice compared to me apparently. This happened before the breakup. We lived together for 3 years and provided her with everything she wanted. We had occasional fights that were a bit tense but that's it.

 

 

I hope it is a rebound but who knows.

 

I feel you. The rebound relationship kills it, doesn't it? I love her more than anything, so it is very difficult as it is. That added on top of it...makes it almost impossible. I try to tell myself two things...(1) I want her to be happy, and even if it hurts like hell, at least she is and (2) She will end up with who she should be with. If you two love each other then you will end up together because she will realize you're what is best for her. At one point or another. Right?

 

LOL I am just here to whine.

 

Why can't we just wake up one day, discover the love of our lives hovering near our beds as if sent by the gods, and be done with it.

 

Lol, that would be great!

[Nate92]

I'm having a difficult day myself. I feel like she is slipping through my fingers. I need to start my life again without her. Logically I know I need to. I think i need to shut off my emotions for a while...if I can.

[wtc540]

Exactly. We have gone through a lot and had a really big bond. So I am taken by surprise by this.

[Brokencyde]

Day 1 of NC again for me after ruining a good run of NC by drunk dialing him blah.. This sucks.

[HurtButNotWeak]

I am 16 days into NC and I feel a little better everyday. This weekend was tough because I generally miss her (which NC brought to the surface) but all in all I think it was the only way for me to go. I can't help but wonder if she is at ease with her decision or if she's enduring the same struggle I am.

[Brokencyde]

Damn, this is hard.. On day 7. One week since I've spoken to my baby. Yes, he cheated on me and I'm working through that, but the reality is I haven't spoken to what once was my everything for a whole week... Crazy and sad.

[miss_sunshine]

I am on day 66 and it is not getting any easier. I am just so sad and miss him so much. We were together 11.5 years so I know it will take time but it is so hard to go from spending every day with someone to suddenly never seeing them. He has contacted me twice, once by text and once by email and I have not responded. It is just so hard and I can't believe he is okay with this and he made this choice. This sucks!

[mahipahl]

Look, if someone you had no interest in contacted over and over you about going out would you change your mind? The problem is your mind can't wrap itself around the fact a person liked you and now doesn't. For one thing if it is a long term relationship they thought about leaving for a long time, discussed it with friends, family. Yep, they talked about you but basically why they are unhappy and look for advice. Eventually they pull the plug and now after all those conversations and time deciding you believe a call or text from you will change their mind...really? It is and always has been up to the dumper to decide the fate of the relationship, nothing you do can or will change their mind. Well there is one thing, continuing to contact someone who has said stop or shown no interest in your contact. They will begin to despise you. Don't think for one minute either your not a brief topic of eye rolling conversation either...it goes something like this "he/she "Insert Your Name"called again, everyone present rolls eyes and sighs, really wow, change your number, so weird" Do yourself a favor, move on, be strong, force yourself up and out of the house, pick one new thing you want to try and do it, stay in touch with people who want to hear from you..your self respect will thank you for it.

[mahipahl]

I am on day 66 and it is not getting any easier. I am just so sad and miss him so much. We were together 11.5 years so I know it will take time but it is so hard to go from spending every day with someone to suddenly never seeing them. He has contacted me twice, once by text and once by email and I have not responded. It is just so hard and I can't believe he is okay with this and he made this choice. This sucks!

 

He thought about it for a long time, your job now is focusing on you not him. Get active, join some volunteer group, etc. meet new people. You can and will be happy again. Stop counting days, that becomes obsessive. Do you count the days between other activities? 11 years is a long time but you have the rest of your life ahead of you get busy with you.

[notevensure]

Hi all. Great thread idea. I'm on day 6. I broke up with him because I found out he has a drug problem. He is now "getting clean" but I have no way to know for sure.

 

I'm hoping he will be clean by the time my NC is up and I will be more clear-headed.

 

We were together for five years.

[Brokencyde]

Screwed up NC again.. Sigh. I texted him after 14 days of NC. It wasn't a very nice text on my part and I hugely regret having sent it. No response, of course. Just completed NC day 1 again. This is so hard. Huge setback. I'm hoping I bounce back more quickly this time. I still love him and miss him so freaking much

[mindymoo]

I'm on day 8.

 

We had an argument. I was over it an hour after it happened. He wasn't. Didn't reply to my nice message the following morning. Told him we needed to talk after discovering him on a dating website and that's it. He's chosen to completely ignore me.

 

Even though he's the one not wanting to speak to me, I'm proud of myself for not crawling back to give him the attention his ego wants. It's over as far as I'm concerned and every day gets that little bit easier

[Joanne19852010]

Day two and struggling. Was together for two and a half years. We had a fight four weeks ago did not talk for a week then he contacted me. Before when we argued it was always different but this time he didn't want to meet me and seemed different. I just thought he was angry but turns out he meet someone else. I can't believe he's moved on so quickly and wasn't honest with me. I was trying to make up and he was moving on. He emailed me two days ago and I did not reply. No contact since it's hard but I don't miss him and know I will never look at him the same. I miss having someone to talk to and cuddling. I think I'm in shock. Only five weeks ago he told me he loved me more than he could ever tell me and now he's with someone else. I will never understand how people can be so cruel

[gettingthere12]

I'm right there with you as far as cruelty is concerned. My lady left me about 1.5 months ago from what I felt was an extremely loving and supportive relationship. 4 years together. She met someone 2 weeks later (the most hurtful thing I could've heard) but respected the honesty. We met up a week later and had a wonderful time, made love (with the pretense it would be the last), huge mistake, and then afterwards she seemed cold and still didn't want to reconcile although she expressed how much she loved, missed, etc.

 

Last Sunday we met again and spent the night together again. This time I saw changes in her behavior which had me questioning who she was becoming. After the night she not only never contacted me but ignored the 2 messages I sent her. I felt...used. Honestly worse than how I felt after the initial breakup. Horrible coming from someone that I've vested so much of myself in. The thought of her doing some of the things that she has done with me with another man is gut wrenching. But I choose not to consume myself with that anymore although it pops up occasionally. The focus has really been on working out, meditation, and self growth.

 

I've made a vow to never contact her unless she initiates. So far 6 days lol. I will never let myself feel the emptiness I felt after our last encounter. I'm worth more than that. Coming to this board and knowing that others feel this same excruciating pain I feel at times, actually helps me move forward. I'm able to balance the little bit of hope with reality. Initially it was 100% hope especially being intimate. I truly love this woman and if it's meant to be it will but in the end we ALL deserve happiness, not just our exes who seem to have moved on without regard to our feelings. It's our time to live for ourselves first in order to let that great person come in, ex or not...God speed!