No Contact Support Thread

[Joanne19852010]

I broke no contact after four days and sent four emails I don't know why I know we can never be the same now. I think about all the things they might be doing too. I'm sorry about your ex, they've moved on and I know I need to do the same. I want it all too go away and not be true

[gettingthere12]

There's nothing wrong with a little hope that's natural. But to refrain from contacting is empowering. Don't make the mistakes I made it will only hinder the progress. Beautify yourself, get with some friends, hit the gym, etc. There's a good chance by the time he does reach out you'll be a new and improved person with the confidence to match. I thought I was extremely confident until this break up. Keep pushing. When you guys push so do I.

[floridasfinest]

The only way to enjoy NC is to keep it...once you break it you start all over again, and start to lose faith in your ability to stay away from your ex. I am on day 40...yes, it sucks (after a 4.5 year relationship) but it is also empowering.

 

Good luck to all.

[Joanne19852010]

My ex emailed me to ask how I was coping I replied was this right or wrong I said not very well but I know you've made the choice to move on

[gettingthere12]

Don't reply to him for a while and when you do say that everything is actually looking up (even if not). The more confident you come accross, the less devastated, the more attractive you become imo. I'm working on that now. It sucks like floridasfinest said but it's the only way. Sure you feel worse off because you expected a different response from him perhaps. No more letdowns keep focused!

[Joanne19852010]

He told me he was with someone who had a little girl which was nice how can he be so cruel why would he tell me that

[Soul man 82]

Sorry to hear everyone's had to go through these things. My gf broke it off with me last week and I went no contact right away, it's been 5 days now. I don't know if My response was rational because this wasn't a typical breakup, she's grieving about her son moving far away to live with his dad and is very torn up over it. Things were perfect in the beginning but as the date got closer to him leaving she started to distance herself and then finally broke it off with me saying I was the best guy she ever met, wished we had met sooner, but at this point she just didn't feel the same about being in a relationship with me. She mentioned that she would probably regret her decision later but right now it was the best thing to do and that maybe we could hook up sometime in the future. My response was I had lots of fun with her, wished her the best, hoped she found what she was looking for and then proceeded to unfriendly her from Facebook and stop texting her. In the end I want to keep the door open for the future with her but right now she needs her space to deal with things. Does anyone on here think I acted badly about the situation? Did I close the door for good with what I said?

[gettingthere12]

That was actually a great response. You avoided what most of us do which is beg, plead, I can't live w/o you etc. Her final memory of the break up was left with much dignity intact. She needs time to reevaluate her life and by you stepping back, you're allowing her to do so. Do the same for yourself. You're on the right track.

[Soul man 82]

Thanks for saying so! I just feel like maybe I should have acknowledged that maybe in the future we could meet again but that she had some things to sort out in the mean time and that I was gonna move forward with my life regardless of the outcome. I dunno lol. It hasn't been easy, I miss her a lot and just wish she let me be there for her instead of pushing me away.

[eskimobobseal]

NC since August 2nd, its easy since she blocked me on every social media and my phone number.

[mahipahl]

NC since August 2nd, its easy since she blocked me on every social media and my phone number.

 

Contacting someone who broke up never works, if it was a long term relationship they thought about it for a long time before pulling the plug. If I introduced you to someone you had no desire to date how many calls and emails would it take for you to change your mind. The problem with relationships is the mind cannot wrap itself around the fact that someone who desired your company no longer does. People's lives change, there priorities change, maybe things they didn't like and overlooked can longer be overlooked. The reasons can be endless, all that matters now is that you wrap your mind around you are on a new journey, one that you can direct. That should be the focus. One day you will meet someone who brings more to the table and you will be happy. If the person wanted to contact you they could think of a half dozen ways to do so, if they choose not to that is all you need to know. The quicker you start on your new adventure the better. It will get better if you focus on the future, I know it sounds good but hard to do but it really is true. I speak from experience, lost a wife to illness, lost at least 5 long term relationships because at the time I was non committal, no marriage talk. It hurt each time, very hard but everytime when I was down and knew I would never meet another like them I did meet someone new. As matter of fact if one girl didn't breakup with me I would have never met my wife. Focus on the future

[TheCeej]

 

I lasted a week, but I contacted her yesterday... back to square one.

 

Any support would be great! Please share what you think about my situation and reinforce my 'no contact' if you think it is the right move!

 

 

You are doing the right thing, Nate. You are going to get hurt over and over if you keep contacting her, or letting her contact you. It's almost unfeasible to have a life without a person who you are so convinced is right for you, but please follow the advice of people in this thread. Stay no contact. Absolutely nothing. Find some things that make you happy, and realize that you have a lot going on in your life that doesn't include her. Love is right around every corner if you are TRULY open to it, but you will not be until she is completely out of sight in your rear view mirror. Stay strong, cut it all off. And give it time. It will crawl by at first, but eventually, it will speed up. Good luck my man, I'm going thru some very similar stuff, and will probably post with my progress here too. Thanks for the thread.

[TheCeej]

Screwed up NC again.. Sigh. I texted him after 14 days of NC. It wasn't a very nice text on my part and I hugely regret having sent it. No response, of course. Just completed NC day 1 again. This is so hard. Huge setback. I'm hoping I bounce back more quickly this time. I still love him and miss him so freaking much

 

Thank you for sharing. I hope others who are in this thread looking for support see that people who have committed to NC and then break it, usually end up regretting it. I know MY feelings are overwhelming, and I will just sit and stare at an email addressed to her containing all my thoughts, and I do contemplate sending it. But you can't. It won't get the response you want, it won't fix things, it will just show them how dependent you are on them (probably driving them further away), and will reset all the progress you've made back to nil. But Brokencyde, keep hope. There is always a tomorrow. Take a good hard look at yourself, and see the beautiful things about yourself. You deserve someone who will see those things, love and cherish them. That is simply not going to happen with this person. So free yourself. Let it go. I know that seems impossible, and the only way you will get there is one day at a time. But you aren't alone. There are millions of people in this world, someone out there for you who will love and respect you. You want to be the best person you can be when they take a step into your life, don't you?

 

There's nothing wrong with a little hope that's natural. But to refrain from contacting is empowering. Don't make the mistakes I made it will only hinder the progress. Beautify yourself, get with some friends, hit the gym, etc. There's a good chance by the time he does reach out you'll be a new and improved person with the confidence to match. I thought I was extremely confident until this break up. Keep pushing. When you guys push so do I.

 

It IS empowering. Thank you for your words, they give me strength. I know I'm a freakin catch, and it's pretty sad that a break up makes me feel like less of a person. Focus on me, push thru, and attract people who lift me up. Not bring me down. It's not easy, but it is the only way to move forward.

 

 

I'm almost a month NC with the girl I've been having issues with. After a big fiasco about her moving to my city to be with me, now she's actually moving out here. But we haven't talked in a month. Makes me wonder if she found someone else, or what her motivations were to move out here anyway. I'm still haunted by thoughts of her probably 50 times a day. I'm trying REALLY hard to suppress these thoughts, but I know I need to be patient with my mind and heart. I feel like I am getting closer to being emotionally available to meet other people without any baggage, but I'm not quite there yet. I want to be there quickly, because I think a rebound would help distract me a LOT. Keeping busy with filming a project for a web series I've been working on with some friends, making music with one of my best buddies from accross the country, and taking frequent walks around my neighborhood. Doesn't stop the dreams, the thoughts and the desire to reach out and tell her how much she hurt me (since I never really got a chance to). But I feel like that ship may have sailed, and that I might be better off finding closure within myself rather than having to get all these things off my chest to her. I wouldn't mind a bit of support either if any of you have some.

[okiedokiestomp]

Soul man, I think you handled it appropriately. You avoided the pitfalls of begging, pleading and stayed centered. If I were a betting man, I would bet that she will be calling you in the future, but, regardless the best thing you can do is to stay no contact at all, unless she reaches out and expresses regret for her decision.

 

Allow her the repercussions of her decision, which is losing you completely from her life. Once you state that you are not interested in being friends only, you have to follow-through and do not ever settle for less than what you want (all of her). If she wants friendship only, I would say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me, so I think it's best I move on so I can find someone who is looking for the same things that I am and you can find someone who is looking for a platonic relationship with you, which I am clearly not." or similar..

[Soul man 82]

Thank you so much for your response!! It's so hard to know what to do without an outside perspective. I really can't thank you enough for your advice. I did so much for this girl and her kids, we had such a connection, and it's so hard to know if I acted appropriaty. She's going through such a hard time with her kid leaving and I think this is so much more about her situation than anything I did. Just victims of circumstance I suppose.

[okiedokiestomp]

Yeah its definitely hard and will be for her as well, which is exactly why its imperative that you stick to your guns if a platonic relationship is not what you want, or, its exactly all you will ever get from her if your words and actions don't match up.

 

You can leave the door open to her but don't chase her. Friendly but not friends bc it will never work if you are harboring feelings for her still. Move on with your life under the assumption that it is over for good. If she truly has feelings for you, she will let you know. For now its best to assume otherwise.

[Soul man 82]

Thanks for the advice!! I'll

Do just that, I'm not gonna contact her unless I hear the magic words, after all

I treated her like a princess and from what I heard of her ex's she never got that treatment before me. Such a shame that the timing was so off.

[Newday101]

Every time I think about contacting him, I have to remind myself. If he wanted to talk to me he would. I was in NC for 30 days, he contacted me on the 31st. Asked me how I was doing. We had one more brief text and that was it. It's been a total of 6 weeks now. We originally broke up in April when he moved out but we were together every day because we didn't want to end it. He met someone six weeks ago and was out of my life. The moment he told me he wanted to date her, I was out. It's hard, especially because we (the 3 of us) work together. Going NC when you work next to someone after a 3 yr relationship is not easy.

[Soul man 82]

So true, in the end it's not up to us it's up to them. Still the memories hurt so much. I kinda wish I could just hit the delete button and erase my memory.

[Newday101]

the memories are the worst, especially if you had a great relationship and didn't see it coming.

[Newday101]

The only thing I find worse than the memories is the lack of control I have over the situation...

[IAmFCA]

Its important to remember that we are always in control of how we respond to life, and we are never in control of someone else. It always was a risk they would leave. The sooner we help ourselves see that we weren't a match, the better. That is painful but also within our control.

[Soul man 82]

Its important to remember that we are always in control of how we respond to life, and we are never in control of someone else. It always was a risk they would leave. The sooner we help ourselves see that we weren't a match, the better. That is painful but also within our control.

 

It's true. I think in some cases tho we don't really get to think that way. In my case everything was perfect but my ex entered a depressed/mourning phase and needed time to herself. Some people pull loved ones closer in times of need but others just push them away due to not being able to meet their partners needs. Sometimes the timing just isn't right and beautiful things come to an end.

[IAmFCA]

Yes -- it is true that personal tragedy splits some and adheres others together. I wonder if it doesn't bring to the fore our ability to turn to one another as opposed to against one another. In my marriage, my exH saw images of himself in me, reflected back to him, and didn't like what he saw, so that to be with me became the very thing that tortured him. Comparing himself to me, etc. I could not overcome that.

 

In the end, it indicates the same thing -- we were not and are not well matched.

 

I wish you well; when an externality breaks you, its tough! OTOH, it really is how each person interprets that externality...

 

It's true. I think in some cases tho we don't really get to think that way. In my case everything was perfect but my ex entered a depressed/mourning phase and needed time to herself. Some people pull loved ones closer in times of need but others just push them away due to not being able to meet their partners needs. Sometimes the timing just isn't right and beautiful things come to an end.

[Bex3]

Broke up with my ex and I think it was the right thing to do but I miss him so much. He was truly my main support system

So every time I'm down I want to text him or call him. Hearing his voice just sounds like the nicest thing in the world. I know I can't bc I need to let him move on but even the thought of him moving on just hurts so much. I know that's selfish. Every minute not texting him is a struggle but just trying to stay strong.