A couple of questions... input and advice greatly appreciated!!

[abysmal]

I have been sort of seeing this girl for a month or so, we've had some wonderful times together. Met through POF. A week or two ago she returned to where she goes to college, which is a two hour drive. She said before that we're better off being friends, distance and school (she's an RA and assistant teacher) being a factor in why we can't get serious. I do not know if this is a permanent mindset for her, but I'm not worried about changing her mind at the moment. Before that and after that statement, she still initiated holding hands, hugging, being genial, etc. when we spent time together. And she shared artwork and other things with me, so some disclosure, which I appreciated.

 

Anyways, we had been texting everyday pretty much until the end of last week, when she wouldn't return my message for a day. She told me she was sorry that she didn't text back, that her mother was visiting her. It got me thinking that I want to slow down on texting to every couple or few days. Don't want her to become annoyed with me. My texts, though, were simply asking her how her day was, telling her I hope she has a wonderful night, etc. I texted her last night letting her know that I had a wonderful night and got home safely, but have turned my phone off and not checked to see if she's replied since.

 

My two questions are, if she was still willing to sleep in the same bed with me when I made the drive a couple of days ago (not sexually, just literally) and cuddle with me, asking me to move in closer, being touchy-feely, complementing me on my physique and being flirtatious, sleeping in my arms, etc. could that mean that maybe her rejection was not due to a lack of physical attraction?

 

Secondly, would it be rude to go cold for a day, two, or a few, and see if maybe that could give her some space, or would she likely resent me for not contacting her?? I'd say texting initiation has been 50/50 her and I. Just don't want to keep bothering her with the same old, "how was your day?" "Miss you," etc.

 

Am I overthinking this?

[Ms Darcy]

Do you want a relationship? If you do, I don't think she's the right prospect.

[abysmal]

If you wouldn't mind elaborating, I'd certainly appreciate what you have to say, Ms. Darcy!

[notalady]

Ms Darcy may be referring to this:

 

"She said before that we're better off being friends, distance and school (she's an RA and assistant teacher) being a factor in why we can't get serious."

 

That is telling you exactly that - she doesn't want to get serious with you. If you want a serious relationship, then she's not the one for you. What you have is a very casual situation. If you have had sex or are having sex, you are friends with benefits or causally dating. Otherwise, you are just friends, who are a bit more touchy feely with each other.

 

There seem to be physical attraction between you two. The things she did when you were sharing a bed seems to suggest she wanted you to make a move (did you?) She might just want something casual. Or she just wanted a cuddle buddy. If you just want something casual, you can probably try making a move next time lol, nothing to lose really.

 

You're over thinking the texting. If you initiate 50-50, it's not an issue. People get busy sometimes and not reply for a day. You can reduce the frequency if you feel like it's too much or too routine/getting boring.

[abysmal]

Thank you for the reply.

 

Honestly I am well aware that we can't be serious (at least for now) but I certainly want to keep her in my life; she is special to me and I really do care about her and I just wonder if no contact for a while might send the wrong message. Just don't want to push her away. I always seem to push women away and I don't want to let this happen again.

[SoulTaker]

Ms Darcy may be referring to this:

 

"She said before that we're better off being friends, distance and school (she's an RA and assistant teacher) being a factor in why we can't get serious."

 

That is telling you exactly that - she doesn't want to get serious with you. If you want a serious relationship, then she's not the one for you. What you have is a very casual situation. If you have had sex or are having sex, you are friends with benefits or causally dating. Otherwise, you are just friends, who are a bit more touchy feely with each other.

 

Notalady is correct, she has already labelled you as a friend, no matter what excuse she used. It's understandable why you're confused with her sending you mixed signals. You need to figure out where she's coming from.

 

Let's try a different angle. You met her on POF, what did her profile state as to what type of dating she's looking for (friends, casual, relationship,...)? What did the main profile state about her?

 

Why was she even on an online dating site if she was going to soon leave the area? Does her actions and words to you match her profile? You never really stated that you dated her....

[abysmal]

Notalady is correct, she has already labelled you as a friend, no matter what excuse she used. It's understandable why you're confused with her sending you mixed signals. You need to figure out where she's coming from.

 

Let's try a different angle. You met her on POF, what did her profile state as to what type of dating she's looking for (friends, casual, relationship,...)? What did the main profile state about her?

 

Why was she even on an online dating site if she was going to soon leave the area? Does her actions and words to you match her profile? You never really stated that you dated her....

Well, from the get-go it was never established whether we were exclusive or just friends. Her profile was extremely basic and barren more or less, and I messaged her because of her interests in art and photography. She came accross as an introvert and I am more apt to date people with similar social patterns, personalities, etc.

 

Anyways we did have a wonderful time together; her actions definitely seemed to suggest she had romantic feelings, ie hugging, cuddling, holding hands, giving me gifts, and so on, but with her move, it was perfectly legitimate for her, when I pressed her, to wish not to want to become serious with someone two hours away. That I understand and can move pass.

 

The issue at hand is that I want to keep whatever it is we have steady, so as to see her when I'm off work and when we have days off in the fall semester, respectively. I want her to keep me in mind and keep in contact with her, but at the same time don't want to pester or come accross as annoying or clingy. And I could really use some advice on how to prolong and keep this fun and interesting for the long run.

[SoulTaker]

Well, from the get-go it was never established whether we were exclusive or just friends. Her profile was extremely basic and barren more or less, and I messaged her because of her interests in art and photography. She came accross as an introvert and I am more apt to date people with similar social patterns, personalities, etc.

 

Abysmal, you didn't answer my first question. What type of dating did she list on POF? What did you put down on your profile?

[notalady]

Abysmal, you didn't answer my first question. What type of dating did she list on POF? What did you put down on your profile?

 

Sounds like he just wants to keep it casual in the latest update..

 

I don't have much advice for how to prolong the situation, as all casual relationships, they come to an end at some point when one of you find someone to get serious with or one of you is getting too serious with the other or one of you has had enough of it and want to end it. That's just the way it is.

 

Just treat her as you would treat a friend. You don't need to ask if you are pestering a friend by contacting them or how to keep your interactions fun and interesting do you?